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Prior to use time off to wash cap
Shocking revelations and dirty laundry in our news round-up
R Rajkumar
Jul 28, 2014, 4:09 AM
Prior to use time off to wash cap
Matt Prior is to use his time away from the game to put his feet up, recharge the batteries, and finally wash his filthy cap, according to sources close - but not standing too close - to the England wicketkeeper. The cap, which by the looks of it has apparently never been washed since being targeted by a flock of overexcited seagulls on a naturist beach in Brighton seven years ago while Prior was standing alone at the pier in celebration of his call-up for England duty, will finally get some much-needed TLC now that he has some extra time on his hands.
Matt Prior is to use his time away from the game to put his feet up, recharge the batteries, and finally wash his filthy cap, according to sources close - but not standing too close - to the England wicketkeeper. The cap, which by the looks of it has apparently never been washed since being targeted by a flock of overexcited seagulls on a naturist beach in Brighton seven years ago while Prior was standing alone at the pier in celebration of his call-up for England duty, will finally get some much-needed TLC now that he has some extra time on his hands.
Cook agreed that with the cap washed, the embattled and malodorous wicketkeeper has more than doubled his chances of being recalled to the team or sat next to by a stranger in a movie theatre or public bus, "a method of conveyance he will increasingly come to rely on in the years to come".
Test cricket also exists outside of India v England
A major discovery has been announced in the search for Test cricket beyond the current India v England series. According to researchers, recent findings indicate that not only do Test matches between teams other than the so-called Big Three exist, but that there is "a good chance" that one is currently being played somewhere else in the world.
Full postA major discovery has been announced in the search for Test cricket beyond the current India v England series. According to researchers, recent findings indicate that not only do Test matches between teams other than the so-called Big Three exist, but that there is "a good chance" that one is currently being played somewhere else in the world.
How to save the England cricket team: a blueprint
It's time for probably a root-and-branch review and possibly even a full overhaul of the domestic game
Alan Tyers
Jul 25, 2014, 5:12 AM
Drafting in players from the county system
There's every reason to suppose that the domestic set-up is producing the right sort of cricketer, i.e. young lads who can keep their mouths shut and their left elbows high when tucking the bat under their arm and walking off for a duck. With a bit of work on their team spirit and press-conference evasion techniques, several players could be elbowing their way into the middle order soon and elbowing their way right back into the dressing room two or three balls later.
There's every reason to suppose that the domestic set-up is producing the right sort of cricketer, i.e. young lads who can keep their mouths shut and their left elbows high when tucking the bat under their arm and walking off for a duck. With a bit of work on their team spirit and press-conference evasion techniques, several players could be elbowing their way into the middle order soon and elbowing their way right back into the dressing room two or three balls later.
Tapping into the wealth of expertise from older generations
If there's one thing England cricket really knows about, it's how to react to a crisis by freaking out massively and blaming everyone else. Advice should be sought from the key figures of the 1990s team for input into taking positives, working hard to turn things around and being grateful that West Indies are no longer any good at least.
If there's one thing England cricket really knows about, it's how to react to a crisis by freaking out massively and blaming everyone else. Advice should be sought from the key figures of the 1990s team for input into taking positives, working hard to turn things around and being grateful that West Indies are no longer any good at least.
More thought-provoking articles from veteran broadsheet columnists
The time has now come for Michael Henderson to ask the question others dare not ask: is there something innate in the DNA of white English cricketers that makes them lazy against the short ball, and is the white English cricketer's innate marvellous sense of rhythm in some way to blame?
Full postThe time has now come for Michael Henderson to ask the question others dare not ask: is there something innate in the DNA of white English cricketers that makes them lazy against the short ball, and is the white English cricketer's innate marvellous sense of rhythm in some way to blame?
A checklist for England's fans
"Ishant Sharma can't even bowl". And other pearls you need to be spouting right about now
Alex Bowden
Jul 24, 2014, 5:47 AM
As I trawl through social media with a haunted, soulless look on my face, it strikes me that not every England fan is massively overreacting to the second-Test defeat to India. Believe it or not, there are people out there who are taking time to form a considered opinion, who refuse to jump on bandwagons or diminish the opposition's achievements. They're a very small minority, but even so, it's troubling.
Considered opinion and even-handedness are not what social media is all about. With that in mind, here's a checklist as to what you, as an England supporter, should be saying right now.
1. Ishant Sharma can't even bowl
It's simply not enough to insult your own team. You need to do it while slagging off the opposition, giving them no credit whatsoever for achieving a memorable result. Why say that Ishant Sharma bowled well when you could just as easily say that he normally bowls ineffectively? By saying the latter, you can make England's efforts look even worse.
Full postIt's simply not enough to insult your own team. You need to do it while slagging off the opposition, giving them no credit whatsoever for achieving a memorable result. Why say that Ishant Sharma bowled well when you could just as easily say that he normally bowls ineffectively? By saying the latter, you can make England's efforts look even worse.
Anderson v Jadeja: the hearing
What goes down when the two naughty boys are hauled up in front of the judicial commissioner
James Marsh
Jul 21, 2014, 6:03 AM
Lord's, Tuesday Morning: ICC Judicial Commissioner Gordon Lewis appears from Australia on a grainy laptop screen on a table in the Long Room. In front of it stand Ravindra Jadeja and James Anderson, staring at their feet and looking a bit sheepish.
Lewis: Right, you two scallywags. Just to explain, we're holding this meeting on Skype because your offences are classified as "quite naughty", meaning they're serious enough for us to go through with all this business, but not serious enough for the ICC to fly me to London. Hands out of pockets, please. You're not at home now.
Anderson: Sorry, Mr Lewis.
Full post'They scandal your name when they can't take your strength'
English grammar gets a rejig in our latest Twitter round-up
Alex Bowden
Jul 18, 2014, 5:45 AM
An odd development on Twitter this week, when cricketers briefly stopped talking about food and saying "boom" to talk about cricket and other cricketers.
The pitch report
Full postWhat cricket can learn from the football World Cup
Or how to make cricket fans cry like they used to
R Rajkumar
Jul 16, 2014, 7:34 AM
Did you see that? Did you notice how football fans seem to break down in tears at the drop of a hat, or loss of a crucial World Cup tie? Must be nice to be able to care that much. When's the last time you saw cricket fans bawling their eyes out in the stands when a result didn't go their way?
Have we really become so jaded, so inured to the thrill of winning and the agony of defeat, for no other reason than the sheer number of wins and defeats we are exposed to these days? So what if we win or lose this final, we'll win or lose the next final day after tomorrow. Is that it? How did things come to such a dry-eyed pass? It is increasingly apparent that what the game needs now, more than anything else, is an urgent re-infusion of some of that raw emotion we used to feel. The following are a few modest proposals towards achieving the same.
Fewer World Cups. Simply put, we have more World Cups than the number of times Dhoni starts sentences with "Well, of course" in a post-match interview. Just to be clear here, that is a ****-ton of World Cups.
Full postSituation vacant at the ECB
Here's a job advert for the chief executive's position. Interested?
Alan Tyers
Jul 14, 2014, 5:00 AM
ECB chief executive David Collier has stepped down from his post. Here's how the job advert for his replacement might look.
An exciting opportunity has come up for the right individual to help shape the long-term (i.e. until next quarterly audit) future of England cricket.
These are exciting times for England cricket and not just in the financial sense.
Full postIn defence of Nazmul Hassan
If boards must be incompetent, the least they can do is communicate their incompetence in an entertaining way
James Marsh
Jul 11, 2014, 5:37 AM
Let's be very honest. Cricket administrators generally have all the flair of a beige sock. ICC chairman N Srinivasan does his best to provoke controversy, of course, but gone are the times when men such as Ijaz Butt gave journalists enough material in one interview to write a book (most likely an imaginative work of fiction). Even though the ECB's top brass have recently caused a lot of controversy, this has ironically been due to their attempts to avoid it by using language with a waffle content roughly equivalent to that of a chubby Belgian's kitchen cupboard. Team ethos? Pass the syrup and cream.
So it's with open arms and ears we should welcome this week's rhetorical tour de force of Nazmul Hassan, president of the Bangladesh Cricket Board and hyperbolic hero of our sanitised times. Faced with having to explain why the BCB has banned Shakib Al Hasan from all cricket for six months and lucrative overseas tournaments for a wallet-weeping 18, Hassan described the star's recent alleged conduct towards his team-mates and coach as "cruel", "inhuman" and "unprecedented in the history of Bangladesh cricket". If the BCB head honcho was ever given a media-training manual, it's likely he only ever used it to line his cat's litter tray.
Some have been quick - and, to be fair, correct - to suggest Hassan was a little bit over the top, but the BCB president should also be commended for his language being unfashionably unburdened by circumspection in this airbrushed, media-trained age. He might come across as a swivel-eyed Victorian schoolmistress who has just discovered some racy lithographs in the desk of one of her students, but look how much more exciting these recent rows between boards and players would have been if our florid-tongued warrior had been involved:
Full postHow to get through five Tests in 42 days
England and India must trade players across teams and also consider part-time positions
Alex Bowden
Jul 10, 2014, 5:31 AM
"What's important is not to think about it," said MS Dhoni and this seems to me to be the correct head-in-sand attitude. If you think about it too much, you find yourself having endless conversations about knee problems, bowler rotation and the ageing process.
No one wants to talk about that kind of thing. This is sport. Sport is fundamentally about running around like children. It's supposed to be gleeful and joyous and all this earnest talk of physical ailments is far too reminiscent of everyday life.
I can't help but feel that the home team have missed a trick here as well. Had they managed to spread the Tests out a little more - to, say, one a year - then R Ashwin would be obliged to remain in the country for long enough that he would become eligible for England selection. That would resolve the lack of a spinner and also ensure an ultra-conservative batting line-up in which ten batsmen would be Test centurions.
Full postEighteen Indians to figure in first Test
And other recent cricket news you may have missed because you were outraging about Sharapova. Or something
R Rajkumar
Jul 7, 2014, 6:59 AM
ICC to enforce strict all-white dress code
Players have reacted angrily to rumours that the ICC is set to follow Wimbledon's lead in stricter enforcement of the all-white clothing policy in Test matches - right down to players' underwear.
Players have reacted angrily to rumours that the ICC is set to follow Wimbledon's lead in stricter enforcement of the all-white clothing policy in Test matches - right down to players' underwear.
As with tennis players at Wimbledon, Test cricketers have in the past found ways to get around the all-white rule, the most notorious instance of which was when Chris Gayle accidentally revealed, during an especially vigorous Gangnam-style celebratory dance, what appeared to be the beginnings of a scarlet thong.
Said one frustrated player: "They've gone too far. One understands how wearing all white can be seen to be upholding a certain tradition, but a man should at least be allowed to express himself as he pleases within the privacy of his own trousers."
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