From the outside, it might look like Pakistan reel around without direction. In reality they make very specific plans, as this transcript of a team meeting prior to their visit to England reveals.
Waqar Younis: "Okay, we've got a lot of international cricket coming up in the next few months. Let's make a plan. Kamran - you take notes."
Kamran Akmal picks up a pad of paper successfully, but the pen gets away from him and flies end-over-end into the middle of the room. Waqar sighs softly, picks it up and hands it back to him gently.
Waqar: "It's okay, Kamran. I think it rolled a bit just before you picked it up."
Akmal smiles sheepishly, but doesn't say a word.
Waqar: "Okay, first things first: who's available for selection?"
(He directs this comment at Mohammad Yousuf, who's eyeing Shahid Afridi suspiciously.)>
Yousuf: "Yes, I'm available. I'll play. I'm keen to play. I'll play for anyone. I'm ready to go."
Waqar: "Okay, so you're available."
Yousuf: "Well, no, I'm retired. Unless you want me? Do you want me?"
Waqar: "Yes, I'm pretty sure we want you, if you're keen to play, we'd like you in the side."
Yousuf: "I don't know. Who's captain?"
Waqar: "Afridi is captain. You know this."
Yousuf: "Oh, er. I don't know. I mean, I am retired."
Waqar: "So you're unavailable."
Yousuf: "Unless you want me."
Waqar grimaces and decides to move on.
Waqar: "Kamran? Have you got a pencil? Can you just pencil him into the squad for now?"
Akmal makes a pained, frightened expression and a moment later the pencil spins through the air. Waqar ignores it.
Waqar: "Right, now what do... where's he gone?"
Waqar is looking at the empty seat where Shahid Afridi had been sitting. The captain has left.
Waqar: "Kamran, you can put Afridi down as captain. I'll not have a chance to speak to him about this again for a while... Ow!"
Waqar hands Akmal the pen, rubbing his eye with the other hand.
Yousuf: "Can I be captain?"
Waqar: "No. You've had your turn."
Yousuf: "Well, I'm retired anyway, so I couldn't do it even if you wanted me to. You definitely don't want me to?"
Yousuf: "Good, cause like I say, I'm retired."
Waqar turns to Shoaib Akhtar.
Waqar: "So, Shoaib, how's your, er, your... how's your... condition?"
Shoaib: "I've got some topical balm from the chemist that's working a treat. I'm fine."
Waqar: "Excellent, so you're available too?"
Yousuf: "I'm not available."
Waqar ignores Yousuf and waits for Akhtar's response.
Shoaib: "Fully fit and ready to go."
Akhtar emphasises his point with a tiny fist pump, at which point he flinches and tries to hide a grimace.
Waqar: "What was that? What just happened? Are you injured again?"
Shoaib: "No, no. I'm fine."
Waqar: "Are you sure? Be honest."
There is a long pause.
Shoaib: "Er, well... I think I might have just ruptured my pancreas."
Waqar: "Kamran, make a... actually, hand me the pad and pen."