No hard feelings

Dear buddy,

Now that we'll be playing for the same team I thought it's time to bury the hatchet (near the boundary, in case we want to use it on Sree).

You see, I always thought we had same-to-same personalities. We are both allrounders, brave sons of soil and the match referees are totally hating us. And though Johnson, Watson, Mahi and Kohli get more photo shoot offers, let's face it, the ladies must prefer masculine, rugged men like us.

Speaking of ladies, a word of advice when you meet our franchise owner. Try not to stare. Yes, since her weight loss she looks a bit like a mushroom cloud, and she does say stuff like, "Cricketers are like schoolchildren, we can coach them all we want but in the end they are the ones who to take the exams," but she's not a bad sort. And she's a billionaire.

Speaking of bad sorts, what's up with Rohit? You must know him well from previous seasons? No respect for seniors at all. Everyone knows (and it's best that you know as well) that I always sit on Sachin paaji's left at the breakfast table, and I'm the only one allowed to mend his floppy hat. The other day we came down for breakfast and what do I find? Rohit's placed a giant stuffed giraffe with a tag, "Even I can't reach Sachin's records" on the chair on paaji's left and he was sitting on his right. I was so mad, I would have taken on a real giraffe and beaten it till it was the size of a pony. Sachin, not wanting any controversy-shontroversy (God bless his soul), asked me to sit across him and let the giraffe be. That Rohit is evil, big time.

Mahi is very mean too. He is starting a betting pool for how long our friendship will last. Not to worry. I told him, "as long as you keep going to red-light areas".

But Sachin sirjee is a golden human being, for sure. He only told me to write to you. He also made me join anger-management class. (By the way, I was getting a 30% discount for couple-counselling so I put your name down. No need for thanks and all. We are family now.)

I am planning to throw a dinner party in your honour. You like fish, no? PR lady says it will be a good opportunity to show the world that we have patched up, that cricket is the real winner. But TV people called and said I should chuck a pie at you and then you should call me a chucker, before we start kicking and punching each other. It's good for TRPs, it seems, and they said if we do really well, they could get us into at least a dozen reality shows. What do you think?

By the way, I got a really strange call last night. The person said if I went to play for Australia, I could be owner of Victoria. I told him in my country we respect women and don't own them. He growled and said something like "nauseous we'd" and hung up. Does that make any sense to you? Any idea who it could be?

Hey, are you on Twitter? I will add you then. How many followers do you have? I have over 53,000. Without tweeting only! That's a star for you.

Your affectionate mate,

B