'Why does this X Box sound possessed by a ten-year-old?'

The barnet
Jade Dernbach's getting ready for a holiday.

"Long over due haircut just bout to take place, this could take a while."
@Jwd_16

Actually Jade, it doesn't matter how overdue your haircut is. Recent advancements in haircutting technology mean that the amount of hair to be removed has no impact on haircut duration.

Hairdressers are no longer forced to gradually erode hair using a pumice stone. Instead, they use "scissors" to cut off large amounts with a single snip. This means that they can remove 20cm of hair as quickly as they can remove 1cm of hair. The modern world is full of wonders.

The terminology
Brad Hogg's enjoyed his time in Sri Lanka.

"Sri Lankans love their cricket. I am at the airport, a Customs officer has just told the passenger behind me to get back behind the crease!"
@Brad_Hogg

Maybe they had an innings to declare.

The spectator
Lou Vincent was at the non-striker's end.

"@Martyguptill thank you for facing 5 of the first 6 overs so I could get my eye in #count-to-6"
@louvincent78

The agenda
Virat Kohli's got big plans.

"Today's agenda is to pickup #fifa13 ... Whose got it already? Whats new?"
@imVkohli

Try Ravi Bopara, Virat. Last week he couldn't find anything else to do in Kandy.

The possession
Hopefully Kohli has more gaming success than Kent's Rob Key.

"Why does this x box sound possessed by a 10 year old. #dontsaytheobvious"
robkey612

Is the obvious answer that it's possessed by a 10-year-old? That doesn't seem such an obvious diagnosis. It's hard to say what the obvious answer is when a hardware issue is that specific and that bizarre.

The film review
Ramnaresh Sarwan's been to see Taken 2. Was Taken 2 any good, Ramnaresh?

"Taken 2 was really good!"
@ronniesarwan

There you go. Taken 2 is really good. Although maybe we should get a second opinion from Stuart Broad.

"And Taken 2 was very decent. He certainly does have a high quality amount of skills!!"
@StuartBroad8

We've a decent spread of views now. Cricket says that Taken 2 is somewhere between 'really good' and 'very decent'.

Wait! Alex Hales wants to weigh in with an opinion.

"Just seen Taken 2... Pretty decent but his mrs is like bloody Lazarus!!!"
@AlexHales1

Pretty decent? Well, this just throws everything into doubt. Is there no consensus?

Tino Best's Modesty Corner
Tino Best has a sadistic need for speed.

"I really hoping that @Yorkshireccc plays in the Caribbean T20 so I cud break some ribs and toes and helmets #Pace ...#LoveBowlingFast #97mph"
@tinobest

It's always 97mph. When did that become the definition of 'fast'?

The need
Tino Best knows what else cricket needs.

"Guess David Miller went bk in the Kitchen top stuff lad big heart and big balls well played @Yorkshireccc .that's what crkt needs BIG BALLS"

Wouldn't a big ball be more difficult to bowl, Tino?

The modest speed
"Train like there's no 2mor ppl #GohardorGoHome.....#traininsaneorremainthesame ..#AnimalMODE....#97kmphAlwayz pic.twitter.com/wfTetKKW"
@tinobest

97kmph? That's about 60mph, right? Is that because of the bigger balls or have you taken up finger spin?

Nando's Watch
Ryan Ten Doeschate has a broad vocabulary.

"Heavy Lusophilia at Nandos.... Thought the worlds cleverest man was joining? @joybhattacharj"
@rtendo27

How does lusophilia manifest itself?

"Watching @rtendo27 devouring his chicken was like throwing a rabbit in a bear cage #met"
@BrettLee_58

Ah, right. Ten Doeschate should watch himself. Jason Roy's lusophilia had an impact on his lungs.

"Eaten far too much at nandos...#cantbreathe" @JasonRoy20