"Let's see, they have those nice shells, they're quiet, they have an article of clothing named after them…"  © Getty Images

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The bathos
Is it appropriate to refer to bathos within a subheading of a throwaway column about the most throwaway form of social media? Probably not, but South Africa's Colin Ingram made it happen with the following tweet on the morning of the semi-final against England.

"All ready for the big day ahead!these are the games u wana be part of..#oppertunity #proteafire. Tx for all the support! 41 = dreams"
@CAIngram41

Out for a duck in the first over of the match. #proteafire #dreams

Alviro Petersen had a good go too.

"#timeforSAtoshine #ourtime #huntingground"
@AlviroPetersen

Now it's your time to shine hunting for tickets to Cape Town.

The euphemism
Let's stick with the crowd-pleasing subheadings. Andre Adams is choosing his words carefully.

"I had a couple of "conversations" with Nass too. "Spirited" would be the most accurate description."
@AndreAdams

Nice choice. People usually go for "lively".

The grooming
Anyone who feels that the quality of the Australian cricket team is directly related to the volume of body hair it can boast might like to ponder this question from John Hastings.

"Anyone else getting a Brazilian in the morning?? #wax #getinthespirit"
@johnhastings194

Of course he's not serious. Is he?

The location
Pat Cummins has that sinking feeling.

"Nice over here in Belfast, Ireland. Don't know why the Titanic ever wanted to leave."
@93Cummins

The recovery
Graeme Smith's a busy man.

"17 more days in a cast and I'm counting every second....."
@GraemeSmith49

There are probably more productive ways of spending your time, Graeme. You also might find you're slightly less bored if you turn to more involving pastimes.

The excitement
Recent events indicate that David Warner is prone to getting overexcited from time to time. Does that come across on his Twitter account?

"I love mountains!!!"
@davidwarner31

Well, to be fair, mountains are good.

"I love hearing the diverse perspectives that people have about aspects of our world. I LOVE TREES!!"

Yeah, trees are pretty good too.

"How good are TURTLES!!!"

Turtles are very good.

David Warner's Twitter updates exhibit entirely appropriate levels of excitement.

The film review
From Suresh Raina.

"Watched 'After Earth' last evening. Must say, Jaden not only looks like father but has inherited the intricate emoting."
@ImRaina

You can't beat a bit of intricate emoting.

Tino Best's modesty corner
"Just woke and remember I creamed the English bowling attack on this day last year hahahaa boommm #1195 #bobski#tinobest.......#GODisGOOD"
@tinobest

Life!!! with Kemar Roach
Kemar can express so much with so few words.

"London! #Sweetazz"
@KemarAJR

He's in London. He likes it.

"Back Home!"

He's back home.

"Haircut Time!"

His hair's longer than he'd like, so he's going to take action to resolve the situation.

But then he can also be very enigmatic.

"The Hunger!"

This is ambiguous. Is he referring to literal or metaphorical hunger? We can only speculate.

"My Life!!!"

This is really hard to interpret. A verb or adjective would be a great help, but Kemar's not giving us that. He doesn't want to make his words too easy to comprehend, lest we take his proclamations for granted. Perhaps it's nothing - a throwaway comment - but if that were the case, why would he go to the trouble of contravening his own well-established writing conventions? Three exclamation marks? That's entirely out of character. This must mean something. But what?

Life!!! with Kraigg Brathwaite
We got a great insight into the demands placed upon one of Roach's team-mates this week as well.

10th June:

"Massage needed"
@K_Brathwaite

"Chilling"

11th June:

"Time for some dinner"

12th June:

"Tired...."

13th June:

"What a rest!"

Tough times. Tough times.

Nando's Watch
There's not much left to say in this feature. Ross Taylor this week. Don't want to spoil it for you, but he's had a meal at Nando's.

"Just finished a great feed at Nando's with @Martyguptill Full now. Thanks @waynebentley10 #Powered by peri peri......haha"
@RossLTaylor