"I was wrong. Page 2 is proof that you can fool all of the people all of time."

"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. Page 2 is life with the funny bits cut out."

"... And if you ever catch me reading Page 2, hit me baby, one more time."

"I've never raised a finger at Page 2. Only a fist."

"Page 2 likes to think it's the light side, which is why I went to the dark side."

"No Page 2 below us / Above us only sky"

"Guerrilla warfare was inspired by the habits of Page 2 writers. Attack the establishment when it's weak, spend a lot of time in the company of blood-suckers, and wear clothes that will make it hard for your enemies to spot you."

"The teesra and Page 2 are works of genius. You don't have to use either. Only mention them and watch people tremble with fear and trepidation."

"To Page 2, I'll repeat what I first said back in 1983: just beat it"

"The world needed Bodyline to stop Bradman then, and it needs bodybags to stop Page 2 now"

"Page 2 is such stuff as nightmares are made on; and our little life is rounded with a screaming in our sleep"

"Assassination might be an extreme form of censorship, but it's too merciful for the likes of Page 2."

"In a universe where everything is relative, Page 2 offers eternal reassurance by being uniformly dreadful across space and time."

"For me, Page 2 is like Christmas Eve. There's a lot of sneaking, sliding through dirty places and delivering things fit for children."

"Sorry, no, Page 2 can't be called a world-class allrounder just because it's hated all round the world"

"Every time I run, I imagine someone trying to tell me a Page 2 joke".

"Page 2 is the ideal supervillain. It's smart, it's funny, it has grand ambitions and it never wins."

"Yabba Dabba Doo. You know who's more extinct than dinosaurs? Page 2, that's who!"

"You know what's worse than being a superhero without superpowers? Being a page without content."

"Writing music while being deaf is a breeze when compared to writing jokes while being blind to people's tastes."