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Tests of Character
Discover yourself by taking our quizzes
What sort of a commentator would you be?
Are your dulcet tones fit to be heard?
Your opening line of broadcast will be:
"Welcome to this game of glorious certainties"
"This one has classic written all over it"
"Hello, me lovelies"
How would you describe a huge six?
"I've seen bigger"
"Whoa, it's the maximum of DLF Maximums"
"That was a biggie"
"That sailed into the confectionery stall"
"Catches win matches" is:
Best used with: "If you fumble, you'll take a tumble"
Idiotic garbage spewed by the morons behind the mic
What's the commentator's role in cricket?
To bring excitement, fun and drama - that's apart from the cricket itself - into the viewer's living room
To give the viewer a better understanding of the game
To tell the viewer what he should think about the game
To explain to the viewer what's happening on his TV screen
While interviewing a captain at the toss, what would you ask?
Whether it's a good toss to win
Why he chose such a terrible XI and who made him captain
Is he getting the heebie jeebies? Or is he pumped up like the MRF blimp?
You wouldn't. You'd be getting your linen suit pressed
While interviewing spectators, what do you ask?
for these tickets?
To show the love. Following which you dance in the aisles with them
You wouldn't. Your place is in the box
Whether they are voting with their feet
What would you say when commiserating with the losing captain?
"Someone has to lose in a game of cricket"
You wouldn't. You're a commentator, not his mum
"Dude, what the f*** is wrong with you?"
"You must be gutted!"
How would you address your fellow commentators?
What would your pitch report consist of?
What it's done in the last 10 years, the soil composition, effects of global warming, what score can be made and how to go about making it
Putting an ear to the pitch, Native American-style, and relaying to the viewers what it tells you
Tapping the pitch, describing its colour, and informing the viewers that the batsmen have to score and bowlers have to take wickets in order to win
Pointing out the sort of surface the pitch has, whether the cracks will hold, if it will help pace or spin, etc
How do you dress for television?
I prefer tight t-shirts that show off my ripped body, but they make me wear suits usually
Tweeds with leather patches on the elbows
Doesn't matter, as long as you wear a smile as long as the Nile
Doesn't matter. After all, you know what you're talking about
When disagreeing with a colleague, you will:
Wait till he finishes and have your say
Dismiss them as morons, the bunch of them
Interrupt with: "At the end of the day..."
Rib him about the colour of his outfit and the size of his body
More in Page 2
A match that transcended the ordinary
A fan hears "the sound that will live on in my memory for the rest of my life" during the India-Bangladesh game
An 800-km train journey to watch two special wins
A long journey, queues and ticketing troubles could not take away from the great show that Afghanistan and Scotland put on in Nagpur
PSL's final rumble among dhols and Africa djembes
The quality of cricket was high, the noise levels in the ground were high. The only downer was the struggle to get into the stadium
Emoji masks, and alien dance moves
A packed house and a nail-biting finish, perfect for the T20 format, made it an exciting day at Newlands
'The craziest group of people I have ever seen'
Perfect weather, a historic hundred, and plenty of singing in the stands made it a day to savour
NZ target day-night Test v England at Eden Park in 2018
Knee injury puts Hafeez in doubt for England tour
Surrey flop before big Oval crowd continues nightmarish season
Cook believes Woakes can fill Stokes void
Lord's and Edgbaston eye 2017 floodlit Test
Who said offspin is the lesser art?
Rather than being the boring nerd of the spinning brethren, maybe it is actually the forgotten genius?
The absolutely inevitable batting collapse
Two Men Out:
Andy and Jarrod look at Sri Lanka's early-season implosion, and try to choose between de Villiers and Kohli
The charm of cricket's most unobtrusive participant
Wicketkeepers are only noticed when they fumble. But they are the real attention magnets - or ought to be
Ice-cold in Brontë country
Andrew Fidel Fernando
goes to the home of Charlotte, Emily and Anne
Zip, zap, boom
The Cricket Monthly May issue
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