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Tests of Character
Discover yourself by taking our quizzes
Are you a cricketing smarty-pants?
In other words, do your friends find your conversations about the game annoying?
While watching a match, your friend wonders if Dale Steyn is a chucker. Your reaction is:
To put a protractor to the television screen to measure the degree of Steyn's elbow bend, while ringing up the University of Western Australia to ask if they can send someone down to your place to sort out your idiot friend
To declare that of course he must be but obviously the ICC is biased and won't take any action
To peer at the TV, scrunch up your face like you're thinking hard, and mumble "You never know"
Your friends want to go to Sri Lanka to watch a few matches of the World Twenty20. They ask you which matches to go for. You say that depends on:
Whether they are taking you with them or not
What matches India are playing
What sort of run-scoring pattern they are interested in watching, whether they'd prefer a high-scoring chase, a low-scoring thriller or a fielding exhibition
A friend remarks that India's selectors have gone nuts and have not planned for the future at all. You say:
"Funny you should mention that. Let me tell you what my vision for Indian cricket's future is…."
"Damn right, but at least the Wall collapsed… ha ha ha"
"I am so angry I shall flood all the internet forums with hate and poison"
What are the qualities an ideal friend of yours should have?
The ability to understand that whatever happens, no ill shall be spoken, thought or dreamt about Sachin Tendulkar
The ability to be friends with me
The ability to listen and not talk
If you could be friends with a cricketer, who would you pick and why?
Friend with a… Is that possible? Does it happen outside of dreams?
A newbie like James Taylor, who I could take under my wing (even literally… har har)
Sachin Tendulkar, because it would be awesome to be friends with God
If your friend is planning a cricket-themed wedding and asks you to organise it, what would you do?
I'll say I will only do it if every member of the wedding party can pass my test, which includes facing an over from Stuart Broad, debating with N Srinivasan on conflict of interest, and writing an essay on the joy of watching Test cricket at the SSC
Deck the hall out in blue, get the bride and groom to wear Sehwag and Gambhir face masks (partners for life, of course), and get the guests to roar like they are at Eden Gardens
Have the cake designed like a bat and ball
You meet some new people at a party. How do you introduce yourself?
"You must have seen me before. In the England v India match in Sharjah in December 1997, when Kumble was run out for 2, they cut to show the crowd reaction. I was the one with my head in my hands. You couldn't quite see my face but you'd definitely recognise my hands"
"Hello… what do you know of cricket that I don't?"
"Hi, wanna be friends?"
Your friend is sending fan mail to Ricky Ponting. What advice do you give him?
Tell him not to bother since cricketers don't read fan mail anyway. And then secretly write my own email to Ponting and offer to be his lifelong pen pal.
Insert Ponting's stats in India into the email and fill the rest of it with "evil laughter" sounds. Sign off with "Die Ricky Die"
Insert Ponting's stats in India into the email and ask if he needs some batting tips, which you'd be happy to provide
If you've had a fight with your friend, how do you make up?
Send him a photo of Harbhajan and Sreesanth hugging, with a note that reads: "If this doesn't make you smile and go all warm and happy, I don't know what will"
By inviting him to have the pleasure of taking me to a cricket match of my choice
With a down-on-my-knees, begging-you-please to forgive me
You just lost a cricket bet to your friend. Will you accept your loss graciously and pay up?
Me losing a bet on cricket? That would never happen
Of course. And praise his sharp intellect too
No, I'll threaten to report him to the police as an illegal bookie and also accuse him of having fixed the match
More in Page 2
The James Anderson style of excuse
The Long Handle:
No swearing, no wickets, says the fast bowler
After the party, the nap
The Long Handle:
Exhausted by the World Cup? Worry not, we have just the competition for you
The big losers at this World Cup
The Long Handle:
Step forward Mustafa Kamal and Anuskha Sharma
and cheering for New Zealand
High-octane dancing and banter in the stands almost made up for a one-sided contest on the field during the World Cup final at the MCG
Clarke's final flourish, and an on-song DJ
Australia dominated a one-sided final, but Michael Clarke's batting and an electrifying stadium atmosphere made it a memorable day
Watson returns, Super Kings bat first
Pakistan bat, Mashrafe in for Abul
Benn dropped for second Test
CSA confirms guideline on selection quota
'Mathews' rise the highlight of last two years' - De Zoysa
Three questions for cricket
Do fast bowlers need verbal fisticuffs to generate aggression? Is surpassing 100 mph even possible?
West Indies lacking in self-belief despite draw
The Antigua result may have restored some pride, but the hosts were careless on many occasions
Timeless tales and the Big Three political thriller
Wisden India Almanack 2015
hits the spot with its feature writing, but the reporting of the major events is a mixed bag
England's swinging shooting star
The boy from Burnley with magic in his wrist has surpassed all before him - we may be able to enjoy his skills for a few more years
ICC probe a challenge for SLC's clean-up act
Andrew Fidel Fernando:
The decision to look into government interference in the board may have come at a time when there are signs of positive change
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