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What to look forward to in 2013

A handy month-by-month breakdown of what we can expect from the world of cricket this year

Alan Tyers

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There was plenty of short bowling to the New Zealanders, 1st Test, South Africa v New Zealand, Cape Town, 3rd day, January 4, 2013
New Zealand: soon to embark on a side line as contortionists © Gallo Images
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January: After he is among the wickets and runs against Sri Lanka, there is a growing clamour for Mitchell Johnson to be selected for the Ashes. From English people.

February: Woes for New Zealand as they are bowled out for 7. "We probably underestimated our opponents," admits the captain, Brendon McCullum. "Some of those six-year-old girls were seriously useful competitors, and at the end of the day we have to accept that beach cricket can be an unforgiving format."

March: There's another statistical milestone for Sachin Tendulkar when he becomes the first right-handed batsman to be the subject of one trillion arguments on the internet.

April: Great excitement about the IPL, with English journalists working round the clock to write unkind articles about the standard of fielding, cheerleading and fireworks.

May: Increasingly worried about fatigue on their coaching staff, England begin a rotation policy that sees Ashley Giles and Andy Flower adopt a one-over-on, one-over-off policy during important matches, giving whichever coach is not on the balcony a welcome chance to text his young family.

June: In a bid to make him better accepted by the Indian public, the BCCI arranges for Duncan Fletcher to host a TV chat show. Saturday Night with Duncan! is a disaster, with the taciturn Zimbabwean refusing to speak to any of the guests, and former Indian cricketers constantly wandering into the studio to tell Fletcher how to present the programme.

July: Glenn McGrath predicts a pair of 5-0 Ashes victories for the baggy green, but there is controversy when a Mayan apocalypse sect rubbishes his forecast as "wildly unlikely - some straight-up crazy talk".

August: Australia unearth another 27 exciting young fast bowlers. They are thus able to buy bandages and crutches for them at a bulk discount when they suffer a mass outbreak of hamstring and back strains.

September: The County Championship comes to an exciting conclusion amid incredible tension at Hove when a retired teacher called Keith spills a thermos flask of tomato soup on Umpire Richard Kettleborough.

October: Drama in the southern hemisphere as New Zealand sack their entire playing staff and appoint a new skipper. NZC supremo David White insists: "Murray from Flight Of The Conchords is the man to lead us forward."

November: Promising Pakistan youngster Shahid Afridi hits a six in the first over of an ODI. "Perhaps this will be the time when he finally makes a really big score," says everyone. It isn't.

December: Cricket fans are agog with excitement at the first Ashes series for literally a few weeks. There is universal self-congratulation for the marketing campaign of the year: "Cricket 2013 - because you can never have too much of a good thing", and for the sport's administrators it's trebles all round.

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Comments: 7 
Posted by cxiv on (January 7, 2013, 22:30 GMT)

@HawksEyeFocused: Comon! Seriously man? So much hatred for our neighbours? Times are changing bro, why are you still stuck in the past?

Posted by chrysteon on (January 7, 2013, 21:21 GMT)

i cannot wait for rhys darby to lead nz

Posted by HawksEyeFocused on (January 7, 2013, 20:43 GMT)

All my sympathies are with Indian team as Pakistan crushed them down to earth with a style in their own backyard!!! Sachin unlike Sehwaq was wise enough he took retirement before Pakistani bowlers could force him to retire !!! He knew that he wont face Junaid Khan, Irfan, Umer Gul and above all his old bunny SAEED AJMAL!!! Now according to my humble opinion India should invite Kenya or Zimbabwe for test and ODI series to improve their rankings and regain their form!!! I don't think with their current team they can even beat BD ,Ireland or Afghanistan!!! Mark my words... India in 2013 will lose matches against all the minnows especially Afghanistan and Ireland !!! BD is no more minnow!!!!

Posted by bibhashdash on (January 7, 2013, 16:10 GMT)

I think that Tendulkar record has already been broken. unless you don't want include youtube in the stats analysis!

Posted by KaptaanCricket on (January 7, 2013, 13:45 GMT)

Sure about the Afridi thing!

Posted by cric_J on (January 7, 2013, 8:32 GMT)

Interesting article ! Let's see how many actually do happen.......................

Posted by   on (January 7, 2013, 7:58 GMT)

Great stuff, Alan! Let's hope that most of these things actually DO happen.

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Alan Tyers
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.

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Alan TyersClose
Alan Tyers writes about sport for the Daily Telegraph and others. He is the author of six books published by Bloomsbury, all of them with pictures by the brilliant illustrator Beach. The most recent is Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects. Alan is one of many weak links in the world's worst cricket team, the Twenty Minuters.
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