We have learned through painful experience that even with the DRS, decisions go in India's favour only some of the time. Since that already happens without the DRS, we fail to understand the point of it.

We remain concerned that HotSpot reveals more than just whether a batsman has nicked it or not. It also potentially stands to reveal mistakes made by our selectors, and we simply can't risk the loss of face. For example, HotSpot has of late failed to show evidence of a functioning brain within the skulls of some of our batsmen while trying to save a Test match. In some cases, specifically that of Wriddhiman Saha, there seems to be no evidence of a brain at all. So yeah... until these issues are sorted out, we remain against the use of such "technology".

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The Matt Prior cycling team media-training guide

In which we take a ride with the former England wicketkeeper's new side

Alan Tyers

12-Dec-2014

Matt Prior has announced that he is forming a cycling team - with the ultimate goal of competing in the Tour De France.

He says: "We want to give our guys the very best opportunity so it's all those buzzwords: marginal gains, one percenters. We're even going to give our guys media training. Anything that can make a difference."

God knows, we all need more media-trained sportsmen. So what can we expect from the Prior cycling team? Here are some possible scenarios being worked on at Team Big Cheese Cycling.

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English cricket rocked by non-Cook-related incident

Commentators and journalists bewildered that there could be more to life than his captaincy in the World Cup

Alex Bowden

11-Dec-2014

English cricket has been left reeling today following the revelation that not everything that ever happens necessarily carries meaning with regard to Alastair Cook's one-day captaincy going into the World Cup. Sir Ian Botham felt moved to comment: "Unbelievable. I simply wouldn't have thought it possible."

The incident took place in South Africa, where a group of players are currently attending a fast bowling camp in Potchefstroom. Derbyshire's Mark Footitt is one in attendance, and midway through a training session he bowled what many onlookers perceived to be the perfect reverse-swinging yorker.

An hour later, lead fast bowling coach Kevin Shine was asked what impact this delivery might have on Cook's one-day captaincy going into the World Cup. Shine responded: "Well, no impact really. I don't think Mark's likely to get picked no matter what happens on this camp."

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Fewer batsmen hanging bats out to dry

Changes in technique and more in our news round-up

R Rajkumar

09-Dec-2014

Batsmen change leaving technique
Increasing numbers of clueless batsmen are taking to dry-cleaning their bats instead of hanging them out to dry, according to a report.

As technically inept batsmen and tailenders continue to evolve with the game and look for more practical, less labour-intensive ways with which to showcase their lack of batting basics while getting out, dry-cleaning has come to take the place of more traditional methods.

"One has to keep up with the times," says India Test discard Gautam Gambhir, who, back when he was in the team, was notorious for a troubling tendency to peg his soaking wet bat to a clothesline he'd make sure was strung up across the dressing room balcony whenever it was his turn up for bat, especially on faster surfaces on away tours.

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Are you good enough to work for the ECB?

Take this handy quiz to find out if you're cut out for the top echelons of UK cricket administration

James Marsh

08-Dec-2014

With the new year fast approaching, thoughts invariably turn to fresh starts and career changes. If you fancy a challenge and own more than one property, why not apply for a job at the ECB? You'd be employed at Lord's alongside some of the game's most popular administrators, but do you have what it takes to fit in at the well-heeled family home of English cricket? Try the specially designed business psychometrics test below to see if you possess the right skills and ethos:

1) You notice one of the clocks in your office has stopped working. Do you…
a) Replace the batteries
b) Replace the batteries with Chris Jordan
c) Stand by the clock. Being right twice a day is a perfectly decent return and you're sure it will start working again by itself soon enough anyway

2) Some younger members of staff ask if they can travel to a few networking seminars in various corners of the world. Do you…
a) Let them go. This exposure to different cultures and strategies can ultimately only help your company in today's fast-moving global business environment
b) Let them go but replace their company cars with seaside donkeys while they're away to teach them a lesson about respecting English summer traditions
c) Get security to compile a dossier on said players, detailing anytime they've used the word "BOOM!" on social media

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'If you start singing again I'm calling the police'

Intolerance, baritones, and dance brags in our Twitter round-up

Alex Bowden

04-Dec-2014

If it's a good joke, it doesn't need to be explained.

—

If it's good music, it doesn't need to be turned down.

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England cricket TV channel: a proposal

Now that cricket's going to be back on air in England, is there enough cricket to fill the airwaves with?

Alan Tyers

04-Dec-2014

English domestic cricket could come back to free-to-air TV for the 2015 season. This is the chance for cricket to return to the forefront of the national consciousness. And this is what an English cricket TV schedule should look like.

06.00: Breakfast With Goochie
News, chat and intense aerobics with the England batting legend as you get ready for the day ahead with a gruelling conditioning session in your living room. Features light-hearted video segments with Graeme Swann.

07.00: The Morning Briefing
Join Peter Moores as he outlines the positives that England will be looking to take from the day ahead while focusing on hitting good areas and putting their hands up. Features light-hearted video segments with Graeme Swann.

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Yasir Shah reminiscent of Abdul Qadir and Yasir Shah

Also: Joe Root's Movember struggles, and the perils of slow-motion replays

R Rajkumar

02-Dec-2014

Ways in which India can be aggressive in Australia
Before embarking on the tour of Australia, Virat Kohli spoke of the need to inculcate a culture of sustained aggression and positive thinking in the Indian ranks. With that in mind, it seemed only appropriate that we offer a few helpful tips to further assist the team in formulating its very own brand of mental disintegration in the weeks to come:

1. Have attacking field placements. If Australia thought they were being all out-of-the-box by having a fielder positioned right behind the bowler during the recent series against Pakistan, upstage them by having a fielder positioned not just directly behind the bowler, but also directly behind the batsman. Now give him some gloves to wear. Call him a "wicketkeeper". Make him the captain. Sit back and enjoy the chaos unfold as the Aussies get thrown for a loop!

2. If the crowd or the players heckle and call you names, refrain from responding in kind. Remember that sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never compare to the quiet satisfaction that comes with flipping them the bird.

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New records cricket should care about

Most runs, most wickets - boring. Time to look at the statistics that really matter

Sidin Vadukut

01-Dec-2014

I am fed up. I have had it. I cannot stand this anymore. Readers, after many years of following cricket with a keen eye and eager heart, I am finally bored of all existing cricketing records. Every single one of them.

If you took all the cricketing records in the world and put them in a house and set this house on fire, I would immediately call the local police, wait for the police cars to come, then take the petrol from the cars and throw it on the house.

Die, boring, meaningless records, die. Oh, this one is still alive? *Reverses fire engine over sole surviving record*

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