The Heavy Ball
Who needs captains anyway?
Some awesome stats prove that what you need instead is a randomly picked leader
Sidin Vadukut
08-Dec-2010
Nothing warms the heart like watching, from a distance, young children involved in sports and games. I particularly become all soft and marshmallow-like inside when I ask a small child, less than five years old, what they want to become when they grow up; and they reply with high-pitched gleeful shouts of "Sachin!" or "Ponting up till five years ago!" or even "Aggressive fast bowler, preferably from Kerala!"
(Any older than five, and they get all technical and fuzzy: "I want to be a thrilling opening batsman with a stunning array of leg-side shots. Or a vampire.")
But recently I overheard a little boy say that he wanted to grow up and become "the captain of the Indian cricket team".
Full postThe BCCI learns from the Ashes
The Indian board finds a new way of naming series. And Punter objects to the use of the word "moral"
Anand Ramachandran
03-Dec-2010
The popularity enjoyed by the Ashes as a cricket brand is encouraging other cricket boards to come up with equally creative names for their own bilateral series.
"The Ashes is a great name for a cricket series - essentially because it is evocative of a powerful sentiment," said BCCI president Shashank Manohar. "It refers to the remains of something that was ceremonially destroyed after a match between these two great cricketing nations - creating a powerful symbol that endures as a cricket tradition. We think it would be a great idea if other series were also given names along these lines. Names that people will remember for decades, and not names that they will forget within minutes of hearing them - like Chirayu Amin. Betcha didn't remember that guy, eh?" he winked, taking a quick potshot at... er... umm... we think he's the dude who replaced Lalit Modi, but we're not sure.
The BCCI is considering a branding exercise that will give brandnames to various series played by the Indian team (and other tournaments organised by the BCCI), that are drawn from the memory of something that was utterly destroyed when the series was played earlier.
Full post'S'all awful, innit?
Kicking a team when they're down is so passé. The English specialise in bringing their team down when they're up
Alex Bowden
21-Nov-2010
"The knives are always poised. Sometimes the knives can't be plunged because the results suggest it's not the right time. But as soon as an individual or the team begins to falter, the knives are all well and truly out. I can see lots of knives at the moment."
So said former Australia coach John Buchanan recently - quite possibly from the American Museum of Cutlery in Cattaraugus. The statement, which was about the Australian team, inadvertently highlights one area where Australians will always lag behind the English - criticism of their own side.
You see, just as a great team prides itself on its ability to win from any position, so we English pride ourselves on our ability to criticise the national side from any position. It's one thing brandishing knives when things aren't going well - anyone can kick a side when it's down - but it's quite another to find fault when your team's on top of the world. Australians are foul-weather critics. They slack off when their team starts winning. The English would never do that.
Full postDhoni admits he 'forgot about' Pujara
And why Manchester United is the new India
Anand Ramachandran
19-Nov-2010
In a show of unexpectedly brutal honesty, Indian captain MS Dhoni has admitted that the reason he didn't pick young Cheteshwar Pujara in the playing XI for the Tests against New Zealand is that he "completely forgot about him".
"Shit! Pujara! How could I forget? Completely slipped my mind! My bad!" said an embarrassed Dhoni, slapping his forehead, in response to a query from a reporter on why the youngster was not played. "Couldn't you have reminded me earlier? Like, before the series started? It's all your fault,"he admonished the flabbergasted reporter, deftly deflecting the uncomfortable question past leg slip for a comfortable single.
"Well, at least Dhoni's being honest," said a stern-looking fellow known only as Nalinikanth. "He could have easily resorted to some blade cliché like 'We need more left-handers for team balance', 'He'll have to wait his turn' or 'How can I drop my CSK team-mate Raina?' This excuse nobody can find fault with - since it's the only logical reason not to select the kid."
Full postThe next WG Grace, beard and all
Like an oasis in the desert, Hashim Amla comes to parch our technique-starved souls
Imran Yusuf
16-Nov-2010
It is the Muslim festival of sacrifice and as Hashim Amla scored run after run against Pakistan I thought to myself that even watching the man slit a goat's neck would be pleasurable. With his quick hands it would be over before the goat heard the second syllable of Allah-hu-Akhbar, so animals rights-favouring readers, hold your angry pens.
Speaking of flesh, it was in this form that I saw the very-soon-to-be-great man do his day job. I was in Dubai so I took myself to some of the games. Most of the cricket was pedestrian. It was the kind of play where being at the stadium amplifies the feeling of life slipping away, ball by ball, death coming a little closer with every play-and-miss from an inept Pakistani batsman, every efficiently brutal thwack from the masterful-but-dull Jacques Kallis.
But then there was Amla like an oasis in the desert. Like Omar Sharif in Lawrence of Arabia. Like Zulqarnain Haider on a slow news day. He was utterly engaging and he was also a saviour: he restored one's faith.
Full postOjha's missed opportunity, and Pakistan's new awards
A newbie falls short of a batting landmark, and commentators go down like flies
Anand Ramachandran
11-Nov-2010
While everyone is rightly celebrating the spirited display by the New Zealand bowlers and the rousing fightback from VVS Laxman and Harbhajan Singh in the recently concluded Ahmedabad Test, do spare a thought for poor young Pragyan Ojha, who was left tragically stranded on 9 not out when his partner, Sreesanth, nicked one to the wicketkeeper to end India's heroic second-innings resistance - depriving the young spinner of a well deserved 12.
"I was looking forward to completing my dozen, but unfortunately Sree could not stay and support me. However, personal milestones are not so important. I'm just happy that I could help my team achieve a resounding, authoritative and comprehensive draw," said Ojha, who had also narrowly missed out on his dozen in the first innings, being dismissed in the nervous 11s.
"I only have two 12s in my career so far, but in this match I had the chance to complete the feat of getting one in each innings. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. I know I have the ability - I just have to be patient, and the runs will come," he added wistfully.
Full postUndercover agents infiltrate teams
Why India v New Zealand will be all spy v spy. And Australia's nomenclature crisis
Anand Ramachandran
04-Nov-2010
The ICC has confirmed that the upcoming India-New Zealand series is the perfect opportunity to test their hare-brained "undercover agents" idea, by the cunning ploy of concealing these agents in a rather unusual place - the New Zealand team.
"It's perfect. They'll blend right in," said a spokesman for the ACSU, rubbing his hands together and looking around furtively like a B-movie spy. "Except for Daniel Vettori, Brendon McCullum, Ross Taylor and Jesse Ryder, none of the players can be recognised by anyone in India anyway. So if one or two of them are actually secret agents, no one will notice.
"Furthermore, if these agents were hidden in the Australian or South African teams, their ineptitude at cricket would quickly give them away. However, in the New Zealand team, the very same ineptitude provides great camouflage - since most of the players there are pretty incompetent anyway. However, as a precaution we have instructed the agents not to blow their cover by actually performing well. We can't be too careful, you know."
Full postWhy's Imran not in the all-time XI?
After all he has a rather nice posterior, does he not?
Imran Yusuf
29-Oct-2010
ESPNcricinfo stands accused of sexism after an all-male jury picked
the all-time World XI. An anonymous guest female columnist offers her
take on the most glaring omission.
What a nihilistic, fearful and ultimately sexless world we live in,
despite the clamour to the contrary. Do a Google image search for
"Imran Khan" and what do you get: a few visuals of the great
ex-cricketer but mostly pictures of some puff-faced, shiny-shoed,
doe-eyed Bollywood mother-charmer who looks as threatening as a
castrated Bambi and as interesting as old footage of Geoffrey Boycott
at the height of his watchfulness. Thankfully there is no such thing
as Google audio search because then my vexation would be amplified.
The Great Khan's being elbowed-out from ESPNcricinfo's all-time World XI
seems easier to bear. I understand the argument. Sobers has to play,
and none of the middle order are touchable. Replace Marshall, Lillee
or Akram? It's a close call, but on bowling alone one sides with the
jury. So the judgement is tolerated and one accepts the blasphemy of
Imran Khan playing in a Second XI as a necessary evil in the world. As
the ancients told us, the existence of good necessitates the existence
of bad. Sounds like philosophical hogwash, but this is all I can think
of to explain Glenn Beck to my children.
Full postWhat's in a name
If it's not exotic, detective-y, or stuffed with at least three initials, you can kiss your international career goodbye
Sidin Vadukut
26-Oct-2010
Consider for a moment that someone has asked you to measure their chances of making it big in international cricket.
I am not talking about Twenty20, wham-bam-thank-you-Lalit fancy-dress cricket. I am talking about proper five-day or mildly improper 50-over ODI cricket. The kind that requires genuine talent and at least one set of white uniforms.
Now first of all you are going to look at these hopefuls' cricketing talent. Do they have all the textbook shots? Does their seam seem upright? Does their hook look smooth? Is their catching matching your expectations?
Full postFans outraged at Tendulkar's exclusion from 100 Best Novels list
After all, no list - laundry included - is complete without the presence of the sainted one
Anand Ramachandran
22-Oct-2010
With Sachin Tendulkar having an absolutely brilliant year in Tests and ODIs, scoring bucketloads of runs and bagging the ICC Cricketer of the Year award, his millions of fans have had plenty of reasons to celebrate. However, they may have taken their enthusiasm a little too far when many of them vocally expressed their annoyance at Tendulkar's rather reasonable exclusion from Time magazine's list of Top 100 English Novels of All Time.
"Any Top-100 list without Sachin is not a valid list. Who are these people to decide that Sachin is not even among the top 100? It's a racist conspiracy against India!" screamed an angry fan, conveniently ignoring the crucial and indisputable fact that Tendulkar isn't a hardcover (or a handy paperback, for that matter).
Tendulkar fans all over India have started expressing their anguish - leaving angry comments on sundry websites (many of which are completely unrelated to the issue), recycling Rajnikanth facts (which are themselves recycled from Chuck Norris facts; the whole thing is like those crappy wedding presents which keep getting forward-gifted until they go around the world and eventually return to the original gifter) on Twitter as "Tendulkar facts", and spending several hours in heated arguments that eventually collapse into a meaningless sludge of half-remembered statistics, selective biases and a general consensus over the uselessness of Ravindra Jadeja.
Full post