The Heavy Ball
A day in the life of Andrew Hilditch
It's not easy being Australia's chief selector. What do you do when people can't even get a simple sandwich right?
Alex Bowden
21-Jan-2011
7am: Alarm goes off. Press snooze.
7.10am: Alarm goes off again. Switch it off.
8.30am: Wake and realise that I have overslept and am likely to be an hour late for work. Having chosen the best alarm clock available, cannot be held responsible for its performance. Vow to take up the issue with the manufacturer.
Full postEngland didn't win the Ashes
A ten-point report reveals among other things that the concept of the Ashes is flawed and Alastair Cook is a droid
Daniel Norcross
20-Jan-2011
England is definitely not responsible for winning the Ashes in Australia, and may in fact not actually have won them at all. That is the first and most remarkable of a number of findings in a new Ashes port-mortem published today by Cricket Australia under the title "Did We Miss Something?"
Containing depositions from journalists across the globe, as well as CA executives, Australian fan bodies and readers of ESPNcricinfo, the explosive findings will be a further blow to Andy Flower and his struggling England team. The ECB have yet to comment, though their failure to issue a vote of confidence in their coach will only add to the dark mood of an already despondent dressing room.
The 10 key conclusions contained in the executive summary are:
Full postNo hard feelings
A letter from one champion competitor to another, now that they'll be team-mates
As discovered by Samantha Pendergrast
14-Jan-2011
Dear buddy,
Now that we'll be playing for the same team I thought it's time to bury the hatchet (near the boundary, in case we want to use it on Sree).
You see, I always thought we had same-to-same personalities. We are both allrounders, brave sons of soil and the match referees are totally hating us. And though Johnson, Watson, Mahi and Kohli get more photo shoot offers, let's face it, the ladies must prefer masculine, rugged men like us.
Full postWhy Pakistan will win the World Cup
Because they have 12 awesome dudes to do it. Including a hustler, a mentalist, a sniper and a cockroach
Imran Yusuf
13-Jan-2011
I had originally thought of writing a snarkfest on the inquiry in Doha. But on full reflection that comedy of stitch-ups can be dismissed with the swiftness of a Sehwag innings in South Africa. For, once again, the ICC have bungled it.
This little trial, with its officialdom and orderly calm, has had just the one plus point: the chance for three sportsmen to wear suits. (I am convinced sports stars don the two-piece and collar and tie at the first opportunity, to convince their mothers they have proper jobs.)
The ICC's main man, Michael Beloff, is fully deserving of his QC status, but this is like sending the world's best hostage negotiator to ask a six-year-old to return a McDonalds Happy Meal toy to his younger brother. This is playing with a straight bat when you need a reverse sweep over short third man for six. This is keeping it un-deceptively simple, and this is not going to work.
Full postA fair-dinkum post-mortem
Australia's elders gather to mourn the loss of the Ashes
Alex Bowden
11-Jan-2011
An Australian pub. Kim Hughes is gently weeping at a table in a corner. A gaggle of sour-faced ex-Australian cricketers go and join him.
Merv Hughes: Shut it.
Glenn McGrath: Yeah, it's not like we've lost the Ashes or something.
Full postPakistan pull out of the World Cup
Cite insecurity reasons. And Lalit Modi returns to the IPL
Anand Ramachandran
07-Jan-2011
In the wake of various teams pulling out of tours citing "security concerns", the PCB has shocked the cricketing world by announcing that they're pulling out of the World Cup due to "insecurity concerns".
Cranking the loopiness meter all the way up to 11, PCB president Ijaz Butt said in a press conference: "I regret to announce that the Pakistan cricket team will not be participating in the upcoming World Cup tournament due to grave insecurity reasons. The concerns include potentially dangerous first-round humiliation, the high risk of mid-tournament retirements-in-a-huff by players whose names start with Y, and scandals caused by vandals throwing sandals. Taking all this into consideration, we have taken the decision to withdraw from the competition.
"While the respective governments of the host countries have indeed addressed our security concerns, they are unwilling to do anything to address our insecurity matters. So we are left with no choice," said Butt
Full postDiary of a certain somebody
You can't say anything about him, he's bored of saying the same old things in interviews, and he's not exactly controversial. Whoever could it be?
As discovered by Samantha Pendergrast
02-Jan-2011
December 10
Indian cricket fans are a scary bunch. You can't say anything bad about me without causing a riot. Hell, I can't say anything bad about me! I went to this cricket website (which shamelessly uses my name to get hits) and saw 377 comments by readers enraged that my name wasn't mentioned in an article... about Vanuatu's* qualification for World Cricket League Division 5.
December 11
Bhajji has given me a t-shirt that reads: "Bradman is Don but you are my bhai". He's a good lad.
December 12
Just got back from a BABE meeting. Set up in 1933 by the Don, BABE is an elite squad of batting geniuses (Gavaskar, Lara, Rahul, Kallis, Chanders are all members) who use their skills for the greater good. It stands for Batsmen Against Bowlers Etc. Our most recent success was the introduction of the batting Powerplay. I took Viru along for his induction, but it wasn't a successful one. At every point of discussion, he interrupted the speaker.
Full postThe most awesome things that didn't happen this year
Welcome to our wondrous and possibly slightly offbeat look back at the highs and lows of 2010
Sidin Vadukut
31-Dec-2010
Dear cricket fans, once again we have come to the end of another calendar year of outstanding cricketing action. Personal and team records have been set and then broken. There have been controversies but also champions, scandals but also surprises, outrageous behaviour but also outstanding performances.
What a year it has been.
Unfortunately at this very moment I am not able to pick my favourite memories from 2010. Due to too much exposure to cricket on TV and the internet, my mind is no longer capable of distinguishing between cricketing memories. The only ones I remember with any clarity are Shane Warne's ball of the century to bowl Mike Gatting, Yuvraj Singh's six sixes and a VVS Laxman Test innings that must have been against Australia. I think.
Full postCrikileaks
Excerpts from a presentation by Javed Miandad to the Pakistan team
Imran Yusuf
23-Dec-2010
In a Page 2 exclusive, we reveal a secret cable from the murky offices of the Pakistan Cricket Board. It appears to be the minutes of a presentation by new batting consultant Javed Miandad, delivered to the team in a state-of-the-art multimedia centre. But before we hail progress within Pakistan cricket, please note that other cables indicate the multimedia facilities are mostly used to screen reruns of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, a film highly popular with Younis Khan, Salman Butt and Kamran Akmal, in no particular order.
The minutes read as follows. (Please keep this quiet. Having miraculously avoided libel charges during its short, glorious history thus far, Page 2 would be miffed with a sexual misconduct case).
JM announced straightaway there would be no net sessions during his short tenure. He said the team never listened to him during nets, despite his high-pitched pleas, which become exceedingly high-pitched even by his high standards. JM said instead they would be watching the world's best teams in action and learning from the video footage. He said they'd have three TVs on side by side: Australia v England, South Africa v India, and in adherence to the ICC's Test rankings, the third screen would display a still of a bikini-clad Sri Lankan beauty queen.
Full postThe BCCI aims for the World Cup semis
India better not advance beyond that. And Ponting assures Australia they're as good as they were under Tugga
Anand Ramachandran
16-Dec-2010
The BCCI has issued a bizarre public statement, saying it hopes that the Indian team will exit at the semi-final stage in the upcoming World Cup in February.
"We're hoping for a strong performance in the group stages, followed by a resounding quarter-final win, and a heartbreaking loss in the semis. That would make a perfect World Cup for us - since the players would then get sufficient rest before the IPL," said board president Shashank Manohar to a group of reporters who reacted with utterly bemused expressions worthy of VVS Laxman on hitting the ball straight down square leg's throat after getting to a reasonably fluent 32.
Explaining further, Manohar, in a show of refreshing candour said, "You have to understand that the BCCI's mandate is to make money for cricket, not to win matches. Keeping this in mind, a semi-final exit would be ideal for us - giving the sponsors and the public just enough to be happy about, while keeping the players fresh for the IPL, which will take place just days after the World Cup, and makes a lot more money for the BCCI than the ICC flagship event."
Full post