Why are Somerset playing the Champions League?
The BCCI goes into damage-control mode by placing a call to Taunton
Alex Bowden
07-Oct-2011
"This is the 'Who does not look like that guy from Footloose' contest. So I win" • Associated Press
A small office at the County Ground, Taunton. A phone rings and a woman answers it.
Woman: Hello?
BCCI: Hello, is this Somerset County Cricket Club?
Woman: Yes, what do you want?
BCCI: I'm from the BCCI. I need to clear up a couple of things about the Champions League.
Woman: I'm pretty busy.
The desk is clear. The computer is off. The woman is clearly not busy.
BCCI: It's really important.
Woman: You couldn't phone back later, could you? I'm rushed off my feet.
Turning in her chair, the woman knocks a mug over. A tiny amount of tea spills on the desk.
Woman: Now look what you've made me do!
BCCI: I can't. I'm 5000 miles away.
Woman: Mornings are our busiest time.
BCCI: Sorry, but I'm in a different time zone. It's hard to...
Woman: We've got a delivery due later on. It's really not a good time.
BCCI: Well, I apologise for that, but it's quite urgent. Like I say, it concerns the Champions League.
Woman: The printer broke this morning and Carla's called in sick. Do you think I should just drop everything?
BCCI: I'm sorry but this needs sorting today.
Woman: Anyway, you don't want me, you want Keith. Why didn't you ring Keith?
BCCI: I really don't know who I need to speak to. Please, could you just put me through to the right person?
Woman: Keith takes all the calls on Friday mornings. I take over in the afternoon, although I don't know if I'll have time today, with Carla being off.
BCCI: Okay, could you just put me through to this Keith, then, please?
Woman: Oh, I don't know how to transfer calls. We only got these phones a couple of years ago. The old ones were much better. Can you not just ring back?
BCCI: Please, could you just...
Woman: Oh, here's Keith. Just a minute, I'll hand you over.
BCCI: Okay, thank you.
The woman beckons over a shambling middle-aged man who has just walked through the door.
Woman: Keith, it's for you.
Keith: Oh, okay. Who is it?
Woman: I think it's the man about the printer. I don't know why he's ringing when we're so busy.
Keith: Hello?
BCCI: Hello, I'm from the BCCI. I have a very urgent matter to discuss regarding the Champions League.
Keith: I thought you were from the printer company. Ours is broken, you see.
BCCI: No, I'm from the BCCI.
Keith: Okay. Well, what can I do for you? If it involves printing, you'll have to phone back. The printer's not working at the moment.
BCCI: It's a legal issue, actually. I've just got word from our lawyers. Apparently they're very concerned that we're selling something as being a league of champions when not all the participants actually fit that description.
Keith: That does sound a bit off. What are you going to call it instead?
BCCI: No, we're still calling it the Champions League. We just need to justify the name. We were wondering if Somerset had won anything recently. Doesn't matter what.
Keith: Somerset are in it?
BCCI: Yes. Did you not know?
Keith: No, but you're in luck. This is Somerset County Cricket Club you've come through to.
BCCI: I know. Why do you think I phoned?
Keith: Well, I thought it was about the printer.
BCCI: No, it's about the Champions League. Tell me, have Somerset won anything recently? Are they the champions of anything?
Keith: No, they've been runners-up a few times. Will that do?
BCCI: No, they really need to be champions in some way.
Keith: The first XI beat the second XI during pre-season. They won a cake.
BCCI: Fine, that'll do. Goodbye.
Woman: What time is he coming? We're going to get further and further behind if he doesn't get that printer working pretty soon.
Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket