The Heavy Ball

'If there was a TV show So U Think U Can Snore...'

This week's instalment features programming ideas, old ladies, and PG-rated injuries

Alex Bowden
Manoj Tiwary sealed victory with a couple of boundaries, Kolkata Knight Riders v Chennai Super Kings, IPL 2012, final, Chennai, May 27, 2012

Manoj Tiwary: a fan of padded inner wear  •  AFP

The rehabilitation
Matt Prior's injured.
You're rather missing the point there, Matt. The alleviation of tendinitis isn't merely a happy by-product of the fun-filled knockabout activities that are enjoyed by physiotherapists. Achilles rehabilitation exercises were actually specifically developed to help people recover, and so enjoyment isn't really a concern. Hope that clears things up for you.
The conversation
Scott Styris has a fairly hideous injury at the moment.
Why try and explain when you've got the torn flesh and bone right there at the end of your arm?
The commissioning editor
Albie Morkel's got an idea for a TV programme.
There is a very good reason why TV doesn't feature a programme called So U Think U Can Snore, Albie. Stick to cricket.
The time
Simon Jones has been relying on UK breakfast TV programme Daybreak instead of his watch. Fortunately, he quickly deduced that something was awry.
The champion
Manoj Tiwary has a vision.
Someone with food poisoning?
The bouncer
Manoj has a measurement.
There's a reason why climbers use ropes and harnesses, Manoj. Men don't bounce. From a really great height, a man might spread out a bit upon impact, but he won't bounce.
The theft
James Taylor had second thoughts about a moment of generosity.
Don't resort to violence against the elderly, James. That would be stooping very low indeed. Why not instead try and negotiate for her to work off her debt via a series of back-breaking chores?
The buttery fingers
David Lloyd was unimpressed with the standards of fielding in the stands at a recent Twenty20 match.
The third dimension
Ramnaresh Sarwan's been stepping outside his comfort zone.
Yes. If it's too frightening, take off the glasses and… Oh my god, the entire world's in 3D! Why can't we live in a safe cartoon land where everything's two-dimensional?
The amateur chef
Graeme Swann was in charge of dinner.
Meals are always warmly received when the diners have built up an appetite.
What's your philosophy?
Could Lonwabo Tsotsobe become the next Shaun Pollock? What is it with South African bowlers and trite philosophy?
It doesn't sound like Lonwabo had a particularly successful weekend.
Getting to know God
Another week without updates from Sachin Tendulkar. Maybe he's making a subtle and post-modern comment on the godlessness of the modern world.
Or maybe he can't be arsed.

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket