'Shall I have my sausages now or wait until morning?'

The non-bestial weekend
Ramnaresh Sarwan has been relaxing.

Why on earth would you spend the weekend outside beast mode if that option is available to you?

The dinner
Brad Hogg's developed an eating disorder.

You make it sound like the gravy's the one responsible for aiming.

The bill
Shaun Marsh has spotted another Brad Hogg dining irregularity.

Well, would you willingly pay for such badly behaved gravy?

The training regime
Jimmy Anderson's keeping himself limber.

It's all about sliding these days. Are today's children not satisfied with a good, old-fashioned long barrier?

The bereft
Thirty-seven-year-old Gary Keedy is leaving for Surrey after 15 years at Lancashire. This appears to have dealt a major blow to the social life of the equally middle-aged Glen Chapple.

Clearly the first rule of Coffee Club isn't: "You do not talk about Coffee Club." It's probably more like: "Don't arrive any later than 2.30pm for Coffee Club because some of us have to leave Coffee Club at 3pm to pick up the kids from school."

The penny pincher
David Warner's pleading poverty.

Unless your bill includes some stadium floodlights, we're pretty sure you can afford it.

The air miles
Kevin Pietersen's travelling.

Couldn't you just use a telephone? You're wasting more energy than David Warner's billion-watt light bulbs.

The film wrecker
After inadvertently revealing a plot point from Taken 2, which he reviewed last week ("very decent"), Stuart Broad took it upon himself to spoil a number of other films as well.

The delayed gratification
Graham Onions is in a quandary.

Go with sausage and mash. You can bet that Onions makes good gravy.

What's your philosophy?
Vernon Philander's keeping upbeat.

Are South Africa looking to win in Australia later this year or are they looking to "win"?