So, this India-England series. What's that all about?
Our virtual cricket assistant reluctantly weighs in on this whole Test series business
Root cause: the only thing standing between India and victory? • Associated Press
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You have selected: Virat Kohli, Ben Stokes and the IPL.
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IPL 2020 concluded on November 10, 2020. It was won by Mumbai Indians. IPL 2021 auction is scheduled for February 18 - would you like to set a calendar reminder? IPL 2021 begins in two months and…
Team India is scheduled to play the following fixtures: Friday, February 5, 2021 vs Team England, day one, 1st Paytm Test, Anthony de Mello Trophy, MA Chidambaram Stadium, Chennai; Saturday, February 6, 2021 vs Team England, day two, 1st Paytm Test, Anthony de Mello Trophy, MA Chidambaram Stadium, Chennai, Sunday, February 7, 2021 vs Team Engla…
(Some time later) … Sunday, March 28, 2021 vs Team England, 3rd Paytm ODI, Maharashtra Cricket Association Stadium, Pune. Would you like to hear more?
India vs England 2020-21, ones to watch: Sam Curran, allrounder, value INR 5.5 crore; Mark Wood, fast bowler, INR 1.5 crore…
…Sam Billings, wicketkeeper-batsman, INR 1 crore
David Willey, allroun… (Srini blinks, then lights up yellow) Chennai Super Kings are the IPL franchise with the greatest fan following, indomitable serial champions and known for the "knowledgeable crowd" at their Chepauk home. Would you like to hear more about "Yellow Army"?
(Srini's lights power down)
(Grudgingly) Chepauk is one of the strongholds of India cricket, a ground where they have a win/loss ratio of 2.33. Since the year 2000, India have won five Tests in Chennai and drawn three. Their last defeat came in [file not found]. It is also the venue where India made their highest Test total - 759 for 7 declared, against England in 2016.
England's total of 477 in that game was the highest score in Test history to end in an innings defeat. Related YouTube content: Cricket's Most Epic Fails.
You might say they're likely to have the buoyancy of a bag of wet cement.
(Tetchily) Gurunath Meiyappan did not have any role within the team, he was just an enthusiast. Let the commission look into it. Mike Hussey doesn't know what he's talking about…
Sorry, did it happen again?
No question they'll be up against it. Big first-innings runs are a must, but with an inexperienced top order much of the burden will fall on Joe Root. If he cracks, India's attack is likely to go through the rest quicker than those Chinese prawns that did for Graham Gooch and Mike Gatting in Chennai 28 years ago. There'll be long, hot days in the field, so stay patient and hang in there - particularly the spinners. India's batsmen will assume you can't turn a door knob, but that might just mean they leave it ajar. Hope that someone - Ben Stokes? Jofra Archer? - can produce a bit of KP magic (or even the Shaun Udal variety might do). Do your homework in advance, or it may well come back to bite you.
A quick check of the latest booksellers' charts tells me the No. 1 title in Sports > Indian cricket is Zen and the Art of Bowling All Day Long to Cheteshwar Pujara. According to my algorithms, that's going to be a hard one to dislodge.
Ah yes, about that. Tamil Nadu Cricket Association will be letting people in for the second Test.
Yeah, get a theme song. "Ring of Fire" works. "Highway to Hell" might turn out to be more appropriate.
He's definitely one to watch in IPL 2021.
Done.
Alan Gardner is a deputy editor at ESPNcricinfo. @alanroderick