Big Bash League 2011-12 November 9, 2011

The Perth state of mind

If you're a breezy fella, you might be a Scorcher, yeah?
14

Monday, 7th November Like dragging a piano up the north face of the Eiger or trying to remove a recalcitrant hippo from a swimming pool full of blancmange, building a successful Test team depends on everyone pulling together. Take Sri Lanka. They’ve lost another Test series but chairman of selectors, Duleep Mendis, sees the bigger picture:

"It is not easy replacing players of the calibre of Murali, Sanath, Vaas and Marvan. It will take some time and we will hit some rough patches while in the process.”

Quite so. You’re rebuilding so the last thing you want is for people to start laying into the team just because they lose the odd series along the way. Am I right, Mr M?

“The performance of our cricketers is way below what we expected of them… See the number of players who are injured. I don’t know what our physios and masseurs are doing with the players for them to get constantly injured…”

It seems that Duleep has a Big List of Blame which includes batsmen, bowlers, coaches, backroom staff, cleaners and even the team cook whose biriyani too often lacked bite and whose rice was insufficiently fluffy on the big occasion. Calm down, Mr Mendis! If the chief architect is going to keep panicking like this, that rebuild project could take a while. Oh and it might help if you paid the builders occasionally.

Tuesday, 8th November With just 39 days left until the Sydney Sausages take on the Brisbane Ribs, the marketing people are working overtime to persuade us that the Big Barbeque League is the most exciting thing in cricket since Mike Brearley started to grow a beard.

We’ve seen these Twenty20 launches before and we know the drill by now: Power Rangers style logos, randomly alliterative team names and some really, really awful shirts. But how can the organisers establish identities for eight teams that don’t yet exist? Simple. With a healthy dose of IPL-style gibberish.

For example, the website of the Perth Scorchers tells us that they are “proudly, defiantly Perth”. I don’t know what this means. I was happy to accept that they were from Perth when I read that they were called the Perth Scorchers, and I didn’t really require any further clarification. Or are they saying that Perth is a state of being, not a city. Are you Perth? Are you feeling Perthy today? Or is that just wind?

Elsewhere, we learn that Melbourne Renegades are vibrant, diverse and progressive, that the Hobart Hurricanes have a passion that is both rugged and yet at the same time purple, whilst The Heat, who rather oddly will be wearing icy blue, are loyal, forward thinking and energetic. By contrast, poor old Sydney Sixers are letting the side down with just the one adjective, a rather paltry “vibrant”.

And is it just me or do the Melbourne Stars seem rather light on stars (with due apologies to Luke Wright)? I suppose they have signed up Liz Hurley’s fiancé and he is most definitely box office, although I am a bit worried about the old boy. It’s not his age, it’s his weight. In my experience people who shed that many pounds are never quite the same. I fear that a lean and slender Warne will be a man much reduced in his powers; like Samson after Delilah had been at him with the scissors.

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Kang on September 8, 2012, 12:26 GMT

    Yeah for the first 15 overs you couldnt fault their biowlng at all, but really they should of had us out for less then 200 and before the 50overs were up Whether Dhoni made a mistake or whether the bowlers just lost heart we will have no idea. Certainly it was a good effort to cut us down to 203, but at one stage it was 4/ 45 Indian batting well everyone has certainly seen better . Now with the Aussie 9 points clear, its only going to be India vs SL for final spot India will need to pick up their game. +2Was this answer helpful?

  • Michael Andrews on November 24, 2011, 12:36 GMT

    Not good!

  • Chris on November 19, 2011, 13:57 GMT

    Why do answer some of these one neuroned creatures, Andrew? They might be ten years old and learning to spell.

  • Andrew Hughes on November 10, 2011, 8:50 GMT

    Thanks for your comments

    Vineeth, your culinary criticism has me a little confused. However, I'll answer your question with another question if I may: Why wouldn't the Sri Lankan team cook biryani? Are Sri Lankans not allowed to eat this dish?

  • Saurav on November 10, 2011, 5:48 GMT

    Not one of your better works.

  • Blisters on November 10, 2011, 5:38 GMT

    Andrew, re Perth as a state of being, youtube 'Brendan Burns on Melburnians' (sic).

  • Ganesh on November 10, 2011, 3:31 GMT

    Great stuff Andrew! The last para on slender orangie Warnie is hilarious! No problem if they copy IPL in promoting it BUT how about following the franchisee system and allowing more freedom to the teams/owners than Cricket Australia trying to be a control freak?

  • Jade on November 9, 2011, 20:39 GMT

    enjoyed this mighty!! Some gems... "Oh and it might help if you paid the builders occasionally" and "Are you Perth? Are you feeling Perthy today? Or is that just wind?".. I almost fell off my chair laughing when I saw this one.... thank you, sir...

  • Kattinroof on November 9, 2011, 16:50 GMT

    Whatever the state of cricket in Sri Lanka, they have always been good at providing entertainment, if not in the field, at least in the management level. The rebuilding excuse is getting so thin that it is virtually invisible.

  • Jay on November 9, 2011, 15:47 GMT

    Don't mind the naysayers Andy..As a Sri Lankan I found monday's post brilliantly sardonic and tuesday's post quite entertaining. Let's face it..for us Lankans anything that takes the mickey out of Warnie is pure gold.

  • Kang on September 8, 2012, 12:26 GMT

    Yeah for the first 15 overs you couldnt fault their biowlng at all, but really they should of had us out for less then 200 and before the 50overs were up Whether Dhoni made a mistake or whether the bowlers just lost heart we will have no idea. Certainly it was a good effort to cut us down to 203, but at one stage it was 4/ 45 Indian batting well everyone has certainly seen better . Now with the Aussie 9 points clear, its only going to be India vs SL for final spot India will need to pick up their game. +2Was this answer helpful?

  • Michael Andrews on November 24, 2011, 12:36 GMT

    Not good!

  • Chris on November 19, 2011, 13:57 GMT

    Why do answer some of these one neuroned creatures, Andrew? They might be ten years old and learning to spell.

  • Andrew Hughes on November 10, 2011, 8:50 GMT

    Thanks for your comments

    Vineeth, your culinary criticism has me a little confused. However, I'll answer your question with another question if I may: Why wouldn't the Sri Lankan team cook biryani? Are Sri Lankans not allowed to eat this dish?

  • Saurav on November 10, 2011, 5:48 GMT

    Not one of your better works.

  • Blisters on November 10, 2011, 5:38 GMT

    Andrew, re Perth as a state of being, youtube 'Brendan Burns on Melburnians' (sic).

  • Ganesh on November 10, 2011, 3:31 GMT

    Great stuff Andrew! The last para on slender orangie Warnie is hilarious! No problem if they copy IPL in promoting it BUT how about following the franchisee system and allowing more freedom to the teams/owners than Cricket Australia trying to be a control freak?

  • Jade on November 9, 2011, 20:39 GMT

    enjoyed this mighty!! Some gems... "Oh and it might help if you paid the builders occasionally" and "Are you Perth? Are you feeling Perthy today? Or is that just wind?".. I almost fell off my chair laughing when I saw this one.... thank you, sir...

  • Kattinroof on November 9, 2011, 16:50 GMT

    Whatever the state of cricket in Sri Lanka, they have always been good at providing entertainment, if not in the field, at least in the management level. The rebuilding excuse is getting so thin that it is virtually invisible.

  • Jay on November 9, 2011, 15:47 GMT

    Don't mind the naysayers Andy..As a Sri Lankan I found monday's post brilliantly sardonic and tuesday's post quite entertaining. Let's face it..for us Lankans anything that takes the mickey out of Warnie is pure gold.

  • bilal on November 9, 2011, 14:53 GMT

    why would srilankans cook biryani? they dont eat biryani!

  • Harsh on November 9, 2011, 14:07 GMT

    this article is as boring as the new yorker from where you took your title. pointless and pretentious.

  • vineeth on November 9, 2011, 8:14 GMT

    Not funnny....why would Srilankan team cook Biryani???

  • timothy on November 9, 2011, 7:46 GMT

    it was kind of boring until the you might want to pay the builders part. That was brilliant!

  • No featured comments at the moment.

  • timothy on November 9, 2011, 7:46 GMT

    it was kind of boring until the you might want to pay the builders part. That was brilliant!

  • vineeth on November 9, 2011, 8:14 GMT

    Not funnny....why would Srilankan team cook Biryani???

  • Harsh on November 9, 2011, 14:07 GMT

    this article is as boring as the new yorker from where you took your title. pointless and pretentious.

  • bilal on November 9, 2011, 14:53 GMT

    why would srilankans cook biryani? they dont eat biryani!

  • Jay on November 9, 2011, 15:47 GMT

    Don't mind the naysayers Andy..As a Sri Lankan I found monday's post brilliantly sardonic and tuesday's post quite entertaining. Let's face it..for us Lankans anything that takes the mickey out of Warnie is pure gold.

  • Kattinroof on November 9, 2011, 16:50 GMT

    Whatever the state of cricket in Sri Lanka, they have always been good at providing entertainment, if not in the field, at least in the management level. The rebuilding excuse is getting so thin that it is virtually invisible.

  • Jade on November 9, 2011, 20:39 GMT

    enjoyed this mighty!! Some gems... "Oh and it might help if you paid the builders occasionally" and "Are you Perth? Are you feeling Perthy today? Or is that just wind?".. I almost fell off my chair laughing when I saw this one.... thank you, sir...

  • Ganesh on November 10, 2011, 3:31 GMT

    Great stuff Andrew! The last para on slender orangie Warnie is hilarious! No problem if they copy IPL in promoting it BUT how about following the franchisee system and allowing more freedom to the teams/owners than Cricket Australia trying to be a control freak?

  • Blisters on November 10, 2011, 5:38 GMT

    Andrew, re Perth as a state of being, youtube 'Brendan Burns on Melburnians' (sic).

  • Saurav on November 10, 2011, 5:48 GMT

    Not one of your better works.