The week on Twitter May 9, 2013

'Time for some dinner!'

If you're ever caught without a watch, our Twitter round-up will help you plan your day

Who says that cricketers on Twitter spend all their time making feeble jokes, congratulating team-mates or expressing mindless positivity, regardless of whether their team has won or lost? Every now and again, they also talk about cake or wine. Then they swiftly return to the mindless positivity - almost all of which can be summarised as either "We'll bounce back" or "Told you we'd bounce back."

The eating disorder
Andre Russell has developed a nasty affliction.

"I hate cakes in india in jamaica we eat cake but here oh my god it's all over UR face an head lol enjoy it tho hahaha love IPL"

Sounds like you're either applying the cake to the wrong part of your head or you're not timing insertion so as to coincide with when your mouth is open. Practise in front of a mirror.

The adjective
Zaheer Khan wouldn't have much success with his new venture were he to launch it in the UK.

"Guys, am launching TOSS sports lounge in Pune! Undecided on its tagline, so my team has put together - Write a Tagline contest for you guys!"

How about "TOSS sports lounge - it isn't as bad as we make it sound"?

The bourgeoisie
Scott Styris's daughter has a decent vocabulary.

"im a little concerned. played eye spy with my 6yr old daughter. she said the letter P....she then said the answer was Pinot Gris hmmm"

The question
Steven Finn wants answers.

"Clocked loads of people picking their nose behind the wheel whilst driving on my journey in to London this morning. Pick & flick? Or eat?"

The perspective
Wayne Parnell has some wise words for those of us who are struggling.

"When life gets tough sometimes just remember that there's a turtle/tortoise out there somewhere that's been flipped on its back. #ownit"

Are you telling us to purchase overturned tortoises? How will that help?

The positivity
Wasim Akram's confident.

"The Pakistani team and the captain were very positive and thats all what is required for the big tournament..."

Pretty sure the Champions' Trophy isn't just a positivity competition. Pretty sure there's some cricket involved as well.

The cliché
Harbhajan Singh's feeling positive too.

"Its not how u start the race what matter is how u finish the race. Cheers guys"

That rather depends on how much ground you've already surrendered. No one's impressed with a sprint finish when everyone else has already packed up and gone home.

The measure of success
Kemar Roach will show them.

"I Love Haters! They Motivate Me To Get Richer!"

Noble sentiments.

The exclamation
I'm still spotting inappropriate exclamation mark usage on IPL Twitter feeds even though no one else cares.

"The pitch looks great, so if we can restrict them to a total of 165, our batsman will pull it through! #RR"

No genuine exclamation has ever contained that many clauses.

Life with Kemar Roach
Travel, meteorology, existential crises, training and nutrition - Kemar Roach covers everything.

"On My Way To Dominica!"

"Rainy Morning In Dominica!"


"Early Morning Fishing And Still Aint Catch Nuttin!"

"Tough Day At Practise But Good Work!"

"Time For Some Dinner!"

"Long Day At The Office!"

"Another Day Another Opportunity!"

"Feels Good To Be Back Home!"

"Now I Can Sleep!"

"Ok Now I Can Start My Day!"

"Back To Sleep!"

"Hunger Just Hit Me!"

Nando's Watch
Ramnaresh Sarwan's keeping it real.

"Back to reality, NANDO'S!"

Alex Bowden blogs at King Cricket