December 6, 2013

Why India must fail in South Africa

Your average Indian fan will be hoping for victory. But the average fan is a fool who knows nothing
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The normal fan wants him to take the catch; the connoisseur wants him to trip and land on his chin, so it sends a message to the BCCI about the importance of having at least ten warm-up matches before the start of any series © BCCI

Enough of your Ashes brouhaha and hype and nonsense. Every single day when I log onto ESPNcricinfo it is Gabba this and WACA that and g'day mate and Vegemite… and what happens at the end of all that? Little more than batting collapses, profanity-shouting, individual and group urination, and recreational racism. Which other serious sport in the world, besides boxing, football, basketball, cycling, track and field, American football, field hockey, wrestling, badminton and Canadian local government would tolerate this level of dishonour, debauchery and decay?

Which is why many experts consider the 2013 Indian tour of South Africa the most important contest in cricket right now. The outcome of this tour will finally decide, beyond all doubt and speculation, the rightful owners of the title Best Cricketing Team In The World Right Now If You Ignore The Subcontinent Because Subcontinent Is Not Really Moan Whine Moan Fast Bowling Is The Best Everything Else Sucks Spin Bowling Is For Losers Nyah Nyah Moan Moan Oh My God A Bouncer I Got Excited And Now There Is A Steyn In My Pants.

Now many of you non-Indian readers of this website may be tempted to think that Indian fans are looking forward to a keen contest in South Africa that will hopefully culminate in a comprehensive victory for the Indian side.

Ha ha ha ha ha. A billion Indians laugh at your ignorance. Nothing, not even the moon landing, could be farther from the truth.

In fact, the millions of Indians who truly care for this sport and the quality of Indian cricket are eagerly hoping for a thumping Indian loss that ends in abject humiliation. Nothing less than wholesale loss of face will do for them.

Your mind is boggling? Let me explain.

There are two types of cricket fan in India. The first is the unsophisticated fan, or the mass-market enthusiast. These fans - many of them woefully illiterate about turn-of-the-century English cricket writing or the careers of long-dead cricketers such as Grace, Bedser, Pantilimon and Rachmaninoff - want India to win above everything else. For them the ends (trophy) are greater than the means (slog). They would love to see nothing more than India win every match on the South Africa tour comfortably and come back home to a rousing reception.

Then there is the second type of fan - the "real" fan or the cricket connoisseur. Nothing in the world breaks this fan's heart more than the sight of India actually winning a cricket match. This is because this fan has different priorities. The important thing for this fan is not the outcome but the honour of the effort, the morality of the methods, and fidelity to the central tenets of cricket etiquette.

Let me demystify this further by encapsulating typical responses by both types of fans to various types of Indian victories:

Scenario 1: India beats Pakistan in India
Normal fan: YAYAY!
Connoisseur: Pfft. Anybody can win in the subcontinent.

Scenario 2: India beats Sri Lanka in England
Normal fan: YAYAYAY!
Connoisseur: Pfft. How many times will India play Sri Lanka? So bored.

Scenario 3: India beats Australia in England
Normal fan: YAYAYAYAY!
Connoisseur: Pfft. This is only a testimony to how weak Australia has become in recent years.

Scenario 4: Due to the invention of a time-travel machine by engineers at IIT Delhi, India are able to go back in time and defeat Donald Bradman's invincible side in Australia
Normal fan: YAYAYAYAYAY! THIS IS THE GREATEST TEAM IN HISTORY!
Connoisseur: Pfft. Without full DRS technology this was a meaningless tour BCCI are criminals LULZ Dhawan was lbw at least seven times do you have black and white video of Keith Miller batting at GabbaWacaWacaThisTimeForAfrica?

Really. There is simply no possible scenario in which an Indian victory would be acceptable to the vast majority of committed Indian cricket fans. Only abject defeat will do. Only such a shameful capitulation, we all hope, will give Indian cricket the motivation to approach this sport correctly, in the moral way, with great honour and dignity, and play this sport with a perfectly balanced team and methods: i.e. four textbook batsmen, one calculated-risk batsman, one humble wicketkeeper, two enigmatic spinners, and the remaining being blazing fast bowlers with top fitness. And before every match the team members must burn one BCCI member alive for an auspicious start.

Therefore I, along with millions of other true cricket enthusiasts, look forward to a turbulent Indian tour of South Africa, full of batting howlers, terrible bowling, organisational disarray, crumbling morale, fearsome South African aggression, and copious all-round Indian defeat.

Only this will ultimately lead to Indian victory and glory. Jai Hind!.

Sidin Vadukut is a columnist and editor with Mint, and the author of the Dork trilogy

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Y2SJ on December 11, 2013, 15:52 GMT

    India has already lost the first 2 games. I sincerely hope they lose the third one too. Else Dhoni supporters will say that the margin was close. Anybody who saw the matches can say that the bowlers and batsmen were both clueless.

  • Y2SJ on December 11, 2013, 15:50 GMT

    @Sidun I sincerely hope India gets this whitewashed in ODIs and Tests again. Atleast that would open your eyes that Dhonis is just a lucky captain and players like Rohit, Aswin, Vijay, Jadeja, Raina can perform only in the backyard. But if the whitewashes in England, Australia didnt open your eyes, probably this whitewash wont too.

  • on December 9, 2013, 5:29 GMT

    Once Again Dhoni Prvoved What a great captain ship...My dead Player Mr. Dhoni Everytime Luck can't go with you ...IF you you know SA is a bad Run-Chasers....!!!! U won the toss still you bowling first ...????

    Once Again Indian Best young players Rohit, Virat, Yuvraj showed they only plays well in India...Responsibility who cares ...now we are permanent in Indian cricket team...

  • naveenk on December 8, 2013, 9:58 GMT

    India need to prepare well for overseas matches, especially for southafrica tour. I dont think India can compete with southafrica for rest of the series ,if they dont win in the 2nd ODI.This is not Indian pitches buddys (Kohlis, Rohits...)

  • ansram on December 8, 2013, 7:51 GMT

    Haha, I am neither the unsophisticated man nor the "real" fan, I am in the middle. At times, I do like India to win. :))

  • Dhanno on December 7, 2013, 20:52 GMT

    Thank you Sidin for the eyeopener of an article. It is great to see you support the majority of fans who are with india when they play against SL and WI. I mean it shouldnt matter which nation we are playing ? As long as well play round the clock 12 months and win every game, it should be enough. But it is not for some fans. I am glad you dont see any ulterior motive in scheduling of games against few nations and reluctance to visit NZ and SA, true cricket is played in subcontinent conditions and indians sweat and win their. Thanks for great article

  • murali_88 on December 7, 2013, 18:58 GMT

    I know (or at least I think) this article is meant to be jokey/sarcastic. But this is a fairly accurate representation of how i feel.

    great article again!

  • WC96QF on December 7, 2013, 15:53 GMT

    LOL !!! had the most fun reading this, absolutely ! Best on the site. Laughed out loud. First time reading u mr Vadukut.... Pls keep them coming. And a pox on the mass marketed Indian fan !

  • on December 7, 2013, 14:11 GMT

    ha ha i am seeing all negative minded people, its just one game. there is a chance that india could recover. if india should fail miserably then we need to have full of miserable layers in the team. but still some quality players in the team. there are some things which are unfortunate:

    1) the return of yuvi has weekened the team. we alrady have one out of form layr in the form of raina. 2) bhuvi not gettings as he got earlier. oh whats wrong with him. i wish he brings back into old form. 3) most dangerous- dhonis cataincy is overrated. he is doo defensive in the field. he is getting results due to brilliant individual performances. he does not know how to use bowlers. esp in last match shami was the case. he was taken away from spell in the crutial moments- when he got two wickets in powerplay- when de cock was out he should be given the ball to penetrate the opposition not the spinners.

  • on December 7, 2013, 11:07 GMT

    I suppose the point-its easier to adjust to lower bounce/slow pitches than higher bounce/fast pitches,hence success rate of visiting batters in subcontinent pitches has been better compared to players from subcontinent visiting Aus/NZ/SA..

    Hence to completely write off India,just after 1 game is unfair.If you belong to 2nd category of fans-u will agree Md.Shami was the best bowler(until of course the last 10 overs),rest 4 bowlers could have matched his form,the story could have been different.India might had to chase 270.As Dhoni rightly said-he needed pace in the attack,so Yadav instead of Mohit is must [and Ishant(yea we need him in SA pitches) instead of Ashwin/Jadeja in Johannesburg test ]

    So,I am still hoping for a cracker of contests in the remaining ODIs,Tests

  • Y2SJ on December 11, 2013, 15:52 GMT

    India has already lost the first 2 games. I sincerely hope they lose the third one too. Else Dhoni supporters will say that the margin was close. Anybody who saw the matches can say that the bowlers and batsmen were both clueless.

  • Y2SJ on December 11, 2013, 15:50 GMT

    @Sidun I sincerely hope India gets this whitewashed in ODIs and Tests again. Atleast that would open your eyes that Dhonis is just a lucky captain and players like Rohit, Aswin, Vijay, Jadeja, Raina can perform only in the backyard. But if the whitewashes in England, Australia didnt open your eyes, probably this whitewash wont too.

  • on December 9, 2013, 5:29 GMT

    Once Again Dhoni Prvoved What a great captain ship...My dead Player Mr. Dhoni Everytime Luck can't go with you ...IF you you know SA is a bad Run-Chasers....!!!! U won the toss still you bowling first ...????

    Once Again Indian Best young players Rohit, Virat, Yuvraj showed they only plays well in India...Responsibility who cares ...now we are permanent in Indian cricket team...

  • naveenk on December 8, 2013, 9:58 GMT

    India need to prepare well for overseas matches, especially for southafrica tour. I dont think India can compete with southafrica for rest of the series ,if they dont win in the 2nd ODI.This is not Indian pitches buddys (Kohlis, Rohits...)

  • ansram on December 8, 2013, 7:51 GMT

    Haha, I am neither the unsophisticated man nor the "real" fan, I am in the middle. At times, I do like India to win. :))

  • Dhanno on December 7, 2013, 20:52 GMT

    Thank you Sidin for the eyeopener of an article. It is great to see you support the majority of fans who are with india when they play against SL and WI. I mean it shouldnt matter which nation we are playing ? As long as well play round the clock 12 months and win every game, it should be enough. But it is not for some fans. I am glad you dont see any ulterior motive in scheduling of games against few nations and reluctance to visit NZ and SA, true cricket is played in subcontinent conditions and indians sweat and win their. Thanks for great article

  • murali_88 on December 7, 2013, 18:58 GMT

    I know (or at least I think) this article is meant to be jokey/sarcastic. But this is a fairly accurate representation of how i feel.

    great article again!

  • WC96QF on December 7, 2013, 15:53 GMT

    LOL !!! had the most fun reading this, absolutely ! Best on the site. Laughed out loud. First time reading u mr Vadukut.... Pls keep them coming. And a pox on the mass marketed Indian fan !

  • on December 7, 2013, 14:11 GMT

    ha ha i am seeing all negative minded people, its just one game. there is a chance that india could recover. if india should fail miserably then we need to have full of miserable layers in the team. but still some quality players in the team. there are some things which are unfortunate:

    1) the return of yuvi has weekened the team. we alrady have one out of form layr in the form of raina. 2) bhuvi not gettings as he got earlier. oh whats wrong with him. i wish he brings back into old form. 3) most dangerous- dhonis cataincy is overrated. he is doo defensive in the field. he is getting results due to brilliant individual performances. he does not know how to use bowlers. esp in last match shami was the case. he was taken away from spell in the crutial moments- when he got two wickets in powerplay- when de cock was out he should be given the ball to penetrate the opposition not the spinners.

  • on December 7, 2013, 11:07 GMT

    I suppose the point-its easier to adjust to lower bounce/slow pitches than higher bounce/fast pitches,hence success rate of visiting batters in subcontinent pitches has been better compared to players from subcontinent visiting Aus/NZ/SA..

    Hence to completely write off India,just after 1 game is unfair.If you belong to 2nd category of fans-u will agree Md.Shami was the best bowler(until of course the last 10 overs),rest 4 bowlers could have matched his form,the story could have been different.India might had to chase 270.As Dhoni rightly said-he needed pace in the attack,so Yadav instead of Mohit is must [and Ishant(yea we need him in SA pitches) instead of Ashwin/Jadeja in Johannesburg test ]

    So,I am still hoping for a cracker of contests in the remaining ODIs,Tests

  • on December 7, 2013, 6:24 GMT

    Trust me, this has to be the best welcome-to-reality article. Sure enough, I'm in the second type and wanting a SA dominance. India are nowhere near being a great side without having better bowlers. Cricket is not a game of mere batsmanship. Speaking of them, closing-your-eyes at the short ball is the best the "world-class" Indian batters do. Now you might argue with India's unbeaten record in 2013. Well, here are the truths, 1. Aussies were on a re-creational phase, dare challenging them now with a Johnson-with-moustache? 2. Non of the pitches India played on Champions Trophy in England had a green top nor was a bouncy surface.

  • on December 7, 2013, 0:48 GMT

    Brilliant... All those claiming India is the top side based on ICC's rankings, should take notice of one thing....Any top side of their era dominated in home and away conditions...Australia came to india and dominated india in ODI's (Tests was a different story, yet they were never out of place or totally non competent, on the contrary they made india toil for their home wins).... Before the average indian fan delves in the glory of declaring India as the champion team, sit back and think...is any of India's significant ODI series win in Foreign conditions (I cant remember of any apart from Champs Trophy where for some inexplicable reason the wickets in England were rank turners)...India is a default number 1, not because it is a dominant team like the Aussies and West Indies were... I am an Indian cricket supporter, and I also exclaim "Classy" when Kohli plays some of those breathtaking strokes....but let us get real, we dont have half as good a bowling attack....!

  • moBlue on December 7, 2013, 0:27 GMT

    the fabFour and sehwag were dynamite in their day!!! i mean, outside the subcontinent! they weren't just "flat track bullies"! don't believe me? i've got a long memory... and i can provide proof.

    IND lost plenty of times outside the subcontinent those days - despite the dynamite five - because we had lousy bowlers!!! period. kumble was not lousy, but he was often rendered ineffective on pitches outside the subcontinent with the kookabarra in hand...

    i offer 3 pieces of evidence... sehwag's debut test - day 1 included a hooked six by VVS off pollock, a crumbling top order down in the doldrums at 68 for 4 on a sooperFast track, and a splendid hundred by the debutant and a glittering chanceless ton by the Master! yet IND lost by an inning!!!

    then there was oz in 2003! ...when sehwag blasted 194 before tea on day 1, and IND piled on 700-plus! ...in oz!!! oz nearly lost the series! gilchrist was worried!!!

    http://www.espncricinfo.com/australia/content/story/137316.html

    see 4 yerself!

  • fguy on December 6, 2013, 22:10 GMT

    @GoCho pls watch SRT's century from 2010-11 against Steyn at his peak.

    & you're comparing current team's batsmen who (excluding MSD) have played COLLECTIVELY less than ONE-THIRD the number of tests that Micheal Clarke alone has played. come back after they've played more than a handful of tests

    @Sameer Kumar yes, looks like most have missed the joke.

  • Dhanno on December 6, 2013, 21:04 GMT

    There are few fans who want to support what is real. And seems their comments dont get published as they sting ! The fans who do not wish to predict 4-0 victory in tests when England visits (who actually take a look at their teams strengths and weakness and chances of surviving 5 day matches). Because this is the subset who sees things for what they are. They see Zaheer cannot last 4 tests, they see English batsmen have improved over years and can play better in subcontinent after 1st test match and the fact that T20 fodder has made it impossible for the national team to fight for their ground over 5 days. I am sure Sid likes the majority who wants to support the national team no matter what, predict 4-0 drubbings, then revise those to 3-1 then 2-1 and finally declare that test cricket is dead when they lose 2-1.

  • jimmyvida on December 6, 2013, 20:40 GMT

    Steyn swung the new ball big time and very late, making it extremely difficult for the opening batsmen. Going back, same bowler to Collingwood. Collingwood was beaten at least twenty five times but survived. He went on to make a handsome score. You can recall, the ball did not swing as much that day. Do not be too fast to judge Rohit. No right handed opening batsman could have played those balls. Even in SA, I have not seen Steyn swing the ball that much. India should have bowled SA for under 200 on that wicket. Pakistan would have.

  • fguy on December 6, 2013, 19:56 GMT

    @GoCho go watch SRT's century from 2010-11 & then speak. & you're comparing current team's batsmen (excluding MSD) who have played COLLECTIVELY less than ONE-THIRD the number of tests that Micheal Clarke alone has played. come back after they've played more than a handful of tests then we'll see

    @Sameer Kumar yes, looks like 75% of the readers have missed the joke. not surprising coz these are the "Connoisseurs"

  • on December 6, 2013, 18:46 GMT

    @Jokerbala.. There was one player who has dominated the list of bowlers you have mentioned.. if not in the same year, several years apart.. He's had failures like the rest. But has played atleast one defining innings.. He was Sachin Tendulkar.. Not to take anythin away from the current crop of players, but they deserve some time to get into the groove.. They all have the techniques, but character wil be revealed in.the forthcoming tours...

  • kalyanbk on December 6, 2013, 17:50 GMT

    Indian fans hope that SA comprehensively beat India because 1) We want less ads 2) We want improved pitches at home 3) We want fast bowlers to be encouraged 4) We want non-performers removed from the team 5) We want administrators to face flak. In other words we want India to reflect and make the changes needed to be a long term world champion. They did it briefly during Ganguly's period where winning abroad was the focus. This was after 14 years without a single win abroad.

  • GoCho on December 6, 2013, 16:12 GMT

    @jokerbala, pls watch Michael Clarke's 151 - a masterclass of an innings on a tricky Capetown pitch against the best pace attack in 2011. I dont think anyone can call the likes of Clarke, KP (on a raging turner in Mumbai) and Trott as flat-track or bouncy-pitch bullies. Among the current Indian batsmen, sadly no-one has proved their mettle in testing conditions yet. Kohli can still prove me wrong, I hope!

  • jokerbala on December 6, 2013, 15:39 GMT

    @Sameer Agree this article puts the so called "connoisseurs of cricket" and their misplaced sense of self righteousness in its place more than pointing out deficiencies of the average fan or BCCI. Even an average fan like me would agree India are never the same force outside the subcontinent and their bowling is abysmal , but it is when people say things like Kohli , Dhawan are just flat track bullies , they do not deserve the no 1 ranking that we get riled up. Any batsman who is plays Intl cricket worth his salt has to be a flat track bully. If you cannot dominate a bowler in even flat tracks , what good are you?That being said, name one batsman who has dominated Steyn +Morkel/ Wasim+Waqar/ Mcgrath+Gillespie on juicy wickets . The answer is nobody , so everybody is a flat track bully according to their argument.

  • on December 6, 2013, 15:26 GMT

    Its become habit , whenever India Visit SA, always 1st ODI scorecard will 50/4,60/4, we are used to this, this time also no change .....

  • on December 6, 2013, 14:15 GMT

    Funny how your scenario's all involve India winning. That suggests you yourself cannot fathom in your heart that they will lose (and seriously, any Indian side would be thumped by the Invincibles) and lose by a comfortable margin. The fact is Australia should not have lost 4-0 the same way they should not have lost 3-0 to England. The team wasn't ready then so those sides could sit on their laurels. Even in the ODI series India just scrapped for a win when Australia reduced its side to concentrate on tests. India gets lucky too often.

  • on December 6, 2013, 14:08 GMT

    Vadukut might have written this piece half in jest. But I take it as a serious fairly accurate commentary of the Indian cricket fans. Theatrical exaggerations in the piece are ignored, at the altar of humour. And I like that kind of humour, to periodically rejuvenate myself.

    From a cricket fan who fell in love with Cricket in 1950, when West Indies had its first win against England in England. That too using two spinners as the main weapons : the diminutive but elegant Sunny Ramdhin & the tall and wily Alf (?) Valentine. (No TV then. The only source was BBC & black & White photographs which appeared in several English language Newspapers -- both Indian & English papers which used to arrive India weeks later!

  • shanazpk on December 6, 2013, 13:55 GMT

    india cricket team is miles away from being the champion team and all indian fans must accept this reality.

  • on December 6, 2013, 13:40 GMT

    Welll said... truely accept this fact from a nation's govt which termed Formula 1 as entertainment and not IPL... and we dont have F1 in 2014 in India.. feel pity for the govt.

  • TsoroM on December 6, 2013, 13:09 GMT

    Brilliant article, pretty funny as well. And I believe every connoisseur had a very big grin last night.

  • prarkuv on December 6, 2013, 13:01 GMT

    Sidin, you have got it absolutely wrong. BCCI has arranged warm-up matches. They have actually arranged 3 ODI and 2 Tests, on more bouncier tracks with a better opposition.

    BCCI has decided that India needs to do better on overseas tours especially keeping the coming ODI world cup in mind. Therefore they have arranged a short tour to South Africa in order to win in New Zealand.

  • on December 6, 2013, 12:31 GMT

    Our bowlers are mediocre in India and abroad. Our batsmen are indeed flat pitch bullies. So we will continue to lose abroad and win in India. BCCI should plan for 7 match series in India and a 2 test series outside the sub continent. In the next decade this indian team will be invincible

  • on December 6, 2013, 12:03 GMT

    This made me laugh after a long time. But I think a lot of readers are missing the irony in the article.

  • sohonica on December 6, 2013, 11:50 GMT

    Perfectly written article by a very knowledgeable sports enthusiast. Most emotional Indian cricket fans do not realise how mediocre Indian batsmen and bowlers are. Indian cricket team is extremely hesitant to play outside the subcontinent, one because they are no good outside and two because BCCI knows that exposing the true calibre of Indian cricketers on foreign pitches would adversely affect their cricket related vulgar income. India Team should be compulsorily made to play one series in New Zealand, Australia and South Africa every year. Then we will see how the Indian batsmen pile up hundreds. Indian cricket right now is more about hypocrisy rather than true substance. For once, they should stop inviting teams like West Indies and Sri Lanka to India for easy trashing and grabbing huge advertisement contracts.

  • on December 6, 2013, 11:44 GMT

    "And Now There Is A Steyn In My Pants".. Haha.. Im sure our very own Muhammad Hafeez cant agree more. Brilliant article..I'm sure in Pakistan we too have our share of viewers who prefer to play in Australia, SA and other unconquered territories, instead of just the subcontinent. But our boards do cater for the mass public only..

  • Ramalins on December 6, 2013, 11:34 GMT

    Very much mirroring my thoughts. India is going to be taken apart in this tour. Even Pakistan just landed and played games but they won. It is because of their bowling. The test matches are going to be even more embarassing. The top brass of BCCI feel that without India , world cricket is nothing, but they do fail to realise that without the right competition we are nothing.

  • on December 6, 2013, 11:29 GMT

    really funny sidin laughing after a long time

  • Sunman81 on December 6, 2013, 11:12 GMT

    @Vazdat you are seriously lacking sense of humar...Please find the meaning for Satire

  • on December 6, 2013, 10:54 GMT

    So True... felt like reading my mind :)

  • on December 6, 2013, 10:52 GMT

    lolz....u turn.....

  • Vazdat on December 6, 2013, 10:21 GMT

    We had Roebuck earlier & now this clown....what has cricket column writing come down to??

  • on December 6, 2013, 10:16 GMT

    Sidin, that was brilliant! I don't need to say this but here goes: "A win in India is better than a win abroad - simply because more Indians watch home games - and hence it disseminates greater pleasure and happiness - which is the primary objective of sport for a spectator - without whom the sport would not exist!"

  • 51n15t9r on December 6, 2013, 9:44 GMT

    And before every match the team members must burn one BCCI member alive for an auspicious start. ..

    Hahahahahahahaha ..

  • usernames on December 6, 2013, 9:42 GMT

    Man, I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Thank you, Sidin!

  • smalishah84 on December 6, 2013, 9:38 GMT

    LOL.....this was a very well written piece. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.

  • Romanticstud on December 6, 2013, 9:34 GMT

    Sidin ... i enjoyed the options of Indian victory ... but now seriously ... Did India have a remote hope of taking on Dale Steyn on at the Wanderers, the home of fast bowling ... Now poor India they have a tarnished Steyn on their record ... Bowlers who concede 300+ on a regular basis, even at home ... Give their batsmen little hope of victory ... even a side that can under normal conditions chase down 350+ ...

  • crzcric on December 6, 2013, 9:10 GMT

    very true Sidin. And i thing some of the administrators are also unsophisticated indian fans.That's why they change ODI rules in favour of batsman.Then they can hide their bowlers weaknesses and put the blame on rules.We want to see bowlers dominate matches too.not only batsman

  • sundersingh on December 6, 2013, 8:51 GMT

    no no all are not realizing.... this is the tribute to the master....SRT bocz of the WI matches india is not able to acclimatize the conditions...

  • PADDA on December 6, 2013, 8:35 GMT

    You missed out on an opportunity to endear south african readers by not mentioning the idiotic behaviour of the BCCI and thus the extra motivation for India to be hammered. We love playing against India - they're a great bunch of blokes with some extra-ordinary talents (Rohit, Dhawan, KHOLI, MS), I could have listed all their batsmen here. They have the respect of the proper SAFFA fans, but there is a feeling going around that MS should have stood up against the BCCI to ensure the fans get what they want.

  • Captain_Tuk_Tuk on December 6, 2013, 8:30 GMT

    Strange! I thought I am the only fan in the world who wants to see my own team(Pakistan) loose. Not because I don't support my team but because I think that more fearsome opponent they compete more strong they'll become and they must loose until and unless they are so strong that they become unbeatable.

  • u_guys_are_history on December 6, 2013, 8:02 GMT

    'Gabbawacwacathistimeforafrica' Hilarious!

  • Greatest_Game on December 6, 2013, 7:34 GMT

    Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Best thing I ever read on cricinfo. And, your wish - or part 1 thereof - was granted today too!

  • ac_Indian on December 6, 2013, 6:54 GMT

    Thank you Sidin. What hasn't been said (or couldn't be said), and possibly cannot even be remotely visualized by non-Indian writers on this website by people, has been said in the form of satire. The burden of being a connoisseur (as per your definition) is grater on an Indian fan than from any other country. After all we are the richest and so must be more indulged in finer things. Great Work!

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  • ac_Indian on December 6, 2013, 6:54 GMT

    Thank you Sidin. What hasn't been said (or couldn't be said), and possibly cannot even be remotely visualized by non-Indian writers on this website by people, has been said in the form of satire. The burden of being a connoisseur (as per your definition) is grater on an Indian fan than from any other country. After all we are the richest and so must be more indulged in finer things. Great Work!

  • Greatest_Game on December 6, 2013, 7:34 GMT

    Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Best thing I ever read on cricinfo. And, your wish - or part 1 thereof - was granted today too!

  • u_guys_are_history on December 6, 2013, 8:02 GMT

    'Gabbawacwacathistimeforafrica' Hilarious!

  • Captain_Tuk_Tuk on December 6, 2013, 8:30 GMT

    Strange! I thought I am the only fan in the world who wants to see my own team(Pakistan) loose. Not because I don't support my team but because I think that more fearsome opponent they compete more strong they'll become and they must loose until and unless they are so strong that they become unbeatable.

  • PADDA on December 6, 2013, 8:35 GMT

    You missed out on an opportunity to endear south african readers by not mentioning the idiotic behaviour of the BCCI and thus the extra motivation for India to be hammered. We love playing against India - they're a great bunch of blokes with some extra-ordinary talents (Rohit, Dhawan, KHOLI, MS), I could have listed all their batsmen here. They have the respect of the proper SAFFA fans, but there is a feeling going around that MS should have stood up against the BCCI to ensure the fans get what they want.

  • sundersingh on December 6, 2013, 8:51 GMT

    no no all are not realizing.... this is the tribute to the master....SRT bocz of the WI matches india is not able to acclimatize the conditions...

  • crzcric on December 6, 2013, 9:10 GMT

    very true Sidin. And i thing some of the administrators are also unsophisticated indian fans.That's why they change ODI rules in favour of batsman.Then they can hide their bowlers weaknesses and put the blame on rules.We want to see bowlers dominate matches too.not only batsman

  • Romanticstud on December 6, 2013, 9:34 GMT

    Sidin ... i enjoyed the options of Indian victory ... but now seriously ... Did India have a remote hope of taking on Dale Steyn on at the Wanderers, the home of fast bowling ... Now poor India they have a tarnished Steyn on their record ... Bowlers who concede 300+ on a regular basis, even at home ... Give their batsmen little hope of victory ... even a side that can under normal conditions chase down 350+ ...

  • smalishah84 on December 6, 2013, 9:38 GMT

    LOL.....this was a very well written piece. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.

  • usernames on December 6, 2013, 9:42 GMT

    Man, I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Thank you, Sidin!