September 18, 2013

'I'd be a left-handed slogger who bowled mystery spin'

Interview by Jack Wilson
Who'd be a fast bowler if given the chance? Not Matthew Hoggard, for sure
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This was your last season as a professional cricketer. What's the best dressing-room practical joke you've seen in that time?
There's been so many. Once, we got Andy Walpole [the ECB's head of communications] to pick up the air-conditioning remote control and answer it as a telephone three times in South Africa. That was pretty funny.

If you had to pick out one moment as the highlight of your career, what would it be?
There's been 17 years of them - there are too many. It's very hard to pick out but I'll go with the obvious - winning the Ashes.

Who's the quickest bowler you've faced?
On his day, Fidel Edwards. He bowled a spell against me at Old Trafford, for West Indies, and he's got that horrible slingy action. He was bowling with a hard new ball and really banging it in. I was batting with Graham Thorpe at the time and he hit him and broke his thumb. I remember Thorpey saying to me, "Can you stay down his end? You're playing him better." I told him where to go!

Who's the biggest hitter you've seen?
I've seen a few. Andrew Flintoff hit it a long way, Nathan Astle hit it a long way, and so did Chris Cairns. Adam Gilchrist did too. I'll go with him.

What's the secret to success as a nightwatchman?
Don't get hit and don't play a shot! It's not nice going in there and facing bowlers who are fresh and steaming in with a brand new ball. On the plus side, once you get out you can sit back with your pads off, knowing you don't have to bat again.

You're batting for England in a World Cup final. With ten runs to win, you nick one behind. Would you walk?
I doubt it. It's hard to say and you'd have to make a judgement at the time, but I don't think I would.

What do you add to the perfect portion of chips?
A nice bit of battered fish.

What's your favourite meat with your roast dinner?
I can't pick one - it's impossible. A slice of every meat. No, two slices of every meat.

You're Matthew Hoggard MBE. Have you ever signed anything off with MBE after your name?
Have I bollocks!

Where's the one place everyone must visit in Yorkshire?
It's got to be Malham - it's beautiful there.

Do you have any superstitions?
No, what a load of codswallop they are. Neil McKenzie had a load of them and he was a proper numpty.

You start your cricket career again and you can choose to be a batsman or a bowler. What would you pick?
I would be a middle-order left-handed slogger who stood at first slip and bowled a bit of mystery spin.

Who's your closest mate in cricket?
(Laughs) I don't have any.

Michael Vaughan has called you the grumpiest of all bowlers. That's a bit harsh, isn't it?
It depends if it's pre-11 o'clock or post-11 o'clock. If it's before, he might get a grunt and be right.

Who's the worst room-mate you've ever had?
I shared with Mark Lawson when I was at Yorkshire. He was the dirtiest, rudest boy you could ever imagine. I couldn't deal with him, so I went and paid for a separate room for myself.

What's the one thing you'll miss most?
There are shedloads of things. I'll say the banter in the changing room.

And the thing you'll miss the least?
Coming on to bowl that fourth spell in the same day.

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • POSTED BY hhillbumper on | September 19, 2013, 18:49 GMT

    Read his autobiography.It is full of his form of insanity. Good luck in whatever you do next Hoggy.Top man and bowler

  • POSTED BY on | September 19, 2013, 10:43 GMT

    As an Aussie, I never had the chance to realise Hoggy was such a genuine bloke and such a funny one! I think Milhouse79 is a bit harsh suggesting Australians can't laugh at themselves, but having said that... I reckon of our current bunch I struggle to find too many who would sadly.

  • POSTED BY siddhartha87 on | September 19, 2013, 4:45 GMT

    Hoggard is funny as hell. I still remember once he was asked what type of pitch he enjoys the most. He said a flat track as there is no pressure to take wickets there :D

  • POSTED BY Jaffa79 on | September 18, 2013, 17:27 GMT

    understated, self depreciating and can laugh at himself. You can tell he isn't Australian.

  • POSTED BY colc on | September 18, 2013, 14:14 GMT

    Proper bloke. The very antithesis in demeanor, manner, and attitude to Shane Watson

  • POSTED BY on | September 18, 2013, 14:11 GMT

    I remember in the 90's Sybil Roscoe from the CH4 cricket show interviewing you at an indoor net to find the fastest bowler. You were banging them down at 92mph back then. Once you dropped 8mph you were a much better bowler

  • POSTED BY on | September 18, 2013, 8:42 GMT

    What a delight! Thanks for everything, Matthew - in the sense that you gave everything when you bowled, whether for Yorkshire or England.

  • POSTED BY hhillbumper on | September 19, 2013, 18:49 GMT

    Read his autobiography.It is full of his form of insanity. Good luck in whatever you do next Hoggy.Top man and bowler

  • POSTED BY on | September 19, 2013, 10:43 GMT

    As an Aussie, I never had the chance to realise Hoggy was such a genuine bloke and such a funny one! I think Milhouse79 is a bit harsh suggesting Australians can't laugh at themselves, but having said that... I reckon of our current bunch I struggle to find too many who would sadly.

  • POSTED BY siddhartha87 on | September 19, 2013, 4:45 GMT

    Hoggard is funny as hell. I still remember once he was asked what type of pitch he enjoys the most. He said a flat track as there is no pressure to take wickets there :D

  • POSTED BY Jaffa79 on | September 18, 2013, 17:27 GMT

    understated, self depreciating and can laugh at himself. You can tell he isn't Australian.

  • POSTED BY colc on | September 18, 2013, 14:14 GMT

    Proper bloke. The very antithesis in demeanor, manner, and attitude to Shane Watson

  • POSTED BY on | September 18, 2013, 14:11 GMT

    I remember in the 90's Sybil Roscoe from the CH4 cricket show interviewing you at an indoor net to find the fastest bowler. You were banging them down at 92mph back then. Once you dropped 8mph you were a much better bowler

  • POSTED BY on | September 18, 2013, 8:42 GMT

    What a delight! Thanks for everything, Matthew - in the sense that you gave everything when you bowled, whether for Yorkshire or England.

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  • POSTED BY on | September 18, 2013, 8:42 GMT

    What a delight! Thanks for everything, Matthew - in the sense that you gave everything when you bowled, whether for Yorkshire or England.

  • POSTED BY on | September 18, 2013, 14:11 GMT

    I remember in the 90's Sybil Roscoe from the CH4 cricket show interviewing you at an indoor net to find the fastest bowler. You were banging them down at 92mph back then. Once you dropped 8mph you were a much better bowler

  • POSTED BY colc on | September 18, 2013, 14:14 GMT

    Proper bloke. The very antithesis in demeanor, manner, and attitude to Shane Watson

  • POSTED BY Jaffa79 on | September 18, 2013, 17:27 GMT

    understated, self depreciating and can laugh at himself. You can tell he isn't Australian.

  • POSTED BY siddhartha87 on | September 19, 2013, 4:45 GMT

    Hoggard is funny as hell. I still remember once he was asked what type of pitch he enjoys the most. He said a flat track as there is no pressure to take wickets there :D

  • POSTED BY on | September 19, 2013, 10:43 GMT

    As an Aussie, I never had the chance to realise Hoggy was such a genuine bloke and such a funny one! I think Milhouse79 is a bit harsh suggesting Australians can't laugh at themselves, but having said that... I reckon of our current bunch I struggle to find too many who would sadly.

  • POSTED BY hhillbumper on | September 19, 2013, 18:49 GMT

    Read his autobiography.It is full of his form of insanity. Good luck in whatever you do next Hoggy.Top man and bowler