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Sri Lankan team bus driver resigns

Says time for a fresh start and a new direction

Andrew Fernando

Comments: 77 | Text size: A | A
The Pakistan team bus heads to a training session, escorted by security, Mohali, March 27, 2011
"... Also, all the flashy lights on top of the escort vehicles were getting really irritating" © AFP

The Sri Lankan cricket team's premier bus driver has resigned from his post following the team's defeat to India in the World Cup final. The news comes in the wake of several high-profile resignations and retirements in Sri Lankan cricket, including captain Kumar Sangakkara, vice-captain Mahela Jayawardene, coach Trevor Bayliss, the selection panel headed by Aravinda de Silva, and all-round nice guy Muttiah Muralitharan.

Bus driver Keerthi Peiris said it was a logical time for him to step down as he did not see himself doing the job for much longer, and it made sense for Sri Lanka Cricket to find a long-term replacement looking forward to the 2015 World Cup.

"I'm almost 65 and my position at the front of the bus can't be guaranteed in four years' time, particularly with the amount of gunfire you have to avoid with this bunch, so it's time to pass the reins to someone younger," Mr Peiris said.

"Also, I'm just really sick of hauling around Tillakeratne Dilshan's ridiculous gold chain collection. That guy can suck it."

Mr Peiris also said his decision came at a good time for Sri Lankan cricket, with wholesale resignations elsewhere symbolising a new beginning for the team.

"With the new-look team that Sri Lanka will have over the next few months, it makes sense to choose a bus driver who will take the team in a new direction. Possibly north-northeast, or perhaps even due south - it's up to him really."

He also said that while it had been a pleasurable experience transporting his nation's cricketers from place to place, he still had a few regrets.

"I'm sorry the players couldn't win the World Cup. Maybe things would have been different if I had taken the less bumpy route to the Wankhede Stadium or if I hadn't thrown Lasith Malinga's Girls Aloud compilation CD out the window. But you know, you can't dwell on those things, because it really was a hideous collection of songs and Malinga would not stop playing it in the bus."

Several others are being tipped by pundits to be the next bus driver for the Sri Lankan team. The current frontrunners are said to be another driver who is currently responsible for transporting Dilshan's ego, which requires a separate bus, and Angelo Mathews.

On hearing the news, SLC Chairman DS de Silva said the board would not only sit down to discuss the appointment of a new driver over the next few days, but that given the current tide, the cricket board as a whole would consider resigning from its position as the country's cricket administration body, to give the team a really really fresh start.

"En masse resignations are generally the best way to deal with losing a World Cup final, so we're certainly looking at that as an option," de Silva said.

This article is dedicated to the memory of Trevor Chesterfield. A lover of cricket and satire, it's the kind of thing he would have enjoyed.

Andrew Fernando writes for The Pigeon and blogs here

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Comments: 77 
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Comments have now been closed for this article

Posted by Somnath on (April 11, 2011, 18:07 GMT)

Fantastic satire ! Right up their with the likes of Zaltzman and gang. - from an Indian fan.

Posted by Dummy4 on (April 11, 2011, 12:01 GMT)

There was a rumor the bus driver's wife too resigned saying "it was time someone younger took over".

Posted by Dummy4 on (April 11, 2011, 3:41 GMT)

Wholesale resignations doesn't always do or makes things news.These resignations came after a series of allegations on player selections through the world cup.Especially keeping Dilhara Pranando on bench for whole tournament and removing Ajantha Mendis from final btwen SL and IND despite his good form and figures throughoug the tournament.The news article may be hillarious but world cup defeat isn't.It is really dissapointing defeat came as a lack of bowling penetration than usual instead of lack of batting performances.When batting did well,bowling failed them and Sri Lankan anticipated became dissapointed.

Posted by Rilwan on (April 10, 2011, 15:25 GMT)

now lets see what will happen, the sports minister will suggest a name as the new driver, and all the Sri Lankan Cricket Board members will agree, a new drive is found, its easy as a Sunday morning where politicians make decisions in all aspects

Posted by Dummy4 on (April 10, 2011, 0:27 GMT)

I wish this can happen in the West Indies! The WICB are a clueless bunch and operate like blind mice running around in the dark. C'mon WICB. You can do it!!!

Posted by Dummy4 on (April 9, 2011, 19:51 GMT)

Hahahaha......!!! Nice comedy on srilankan players.

Posted by Pradeep on (April 9, 2011, 9:02 GMT)

Oh my god. Some one took this news seriously and published their news pages.,

Posted by Mohamed Jazeel on (April 9, 2011, 6:07 GMT)

Who else left behind then... really funny... good write up... a separate bus for the transportation of ego... fantastic... cannot stop laughing.

Posted by Lou on (April 9, 2011, 6:01 GMT)

Very very funny. The World Cup for subject matter has really given this column a boost.

Posted by Dummy4 on (April 9, 2011, 5:45 GMT)

hahaha....awsum....the thng bout malinga n dilshan z hilarious...

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