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What England can learn from Pakistan

To start with, they can take lessons in parenting, screaming, and not quite being there

Alex Bowden

Comments: 12 | Text size: A | A
Another five-for for Shahid Afridi, Afghanistan v Pakistan, one-off ODI, Sharjah, February 10, 2012
And bring back Fred already © AFP

England were taught a whole series of lessons by Pakistan in the recent Test series between the two sides. The good news is that if England are inclined to take advantage of their education, they'll realise they already have everything they need to become as good as Pakistan.

Get a coach with dad-like qualities
Mohsin Khan is very much a father figure to most of the Pakistan players. He provides advice, wisdom, guidance, and occasional stern words - all of which are delivered with love. The players respect him and the team has grown as a result.

Andy Flower has many great qualities, but being only a few years older than some in his side, he's more of an older brother. Older brothers can do a lot, but they can't prevent their siblings from dicking about. England need a grown-up. They need someone stern and critical. They need someone who becomes enraged when they misbehave; someone who'll deliver a strong message of disapproval using a voice that sounds like a foghorn. They need Geoffrey Boycott.

Incorrigible appealing from behind the stumps
Throughout the series, Pakistan wicketkeeper Adnan Akmal distinguished himself with a flat refusal to acknowledge the laws of the game when appealing. This was proper schoolboy "It hit his leg!" appealing and it was quite admirable.

Matt Prior was disappointingly reserved and must be replaced immediately. But by whom? In his early career, Monty Panesar showed scant regard for whether his deliveries had pitched outside leg stump or not when going up for lbw shouts. He certainly has it in him to be a good indiscriminating appealer behind the stumps. It's worth a try.

A young No. 3 who can score two runs an over for days on end
Azhar Ali showed England how to bat in the third Test. The way you bat is to score two runs an over indefinitely. England's No. 3, Jonathan Trott, is certainly cut from the same cloth, but at 30 he is significantly - and unacceptably - older than Azhar. England should invest in industrial quantities of moisturising facial cream and instruct Trott in how to successfully wear ill-fitting trousers. Ridiculously tight and snug, or overly baggy and threateningly low - the choice is his.

A captain who seems to occupy a different reality
When the appeals were coming thicker and faster than Mitchell Johnson, many of Pakistan's fielders got carried away. Not Misbah-ul-Haq, whose zen-like calm made it seem like he was occupying a different reality.

Andrew Strauss tries to maintain an air of aloof detachment, but it is affected and unconvincing. England should immediately offer the captaincy to Ravi Bopara. Ravi doesn't get caught up in on-field events. Ravi's body might be in Dubai but Ravi's brain is reading a book about aliens on a beach in Greece.

Mystery spinners
There are no doosra bowlers in England, but that isn't to say there haven't been spin bowlers with an astonishing array of deliveries at their disposal. England should bring back Peter Such to deliver "the one that doesn't turn", "the one that goes straight on", "the arm ball" and "the dart".

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

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Comments: 12 
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Posted by Usama on (February 14, 2012, 22:56 GMT)

Ravi's body might be in Dubai but Ravi's brain is reading a book about aliens on a beach in Greece. Ahahhahahahahaha That was really funny lol

Posted by Dummy4 on (February 13, 2012, 22:58 GMT)

... and they haven't learned anything:-( next time whitewash should be in their own backyard!

Posted by Muggulla on (February 13, 2012, 17:10 GMT)

very nice article............LOL

Posted by Dummy4 on (February 13, 2012, 15:08 GMT)

The only fear I had was that the first half of this article actually reflects some people's opinions. The cynicism may have been lost!

Posted by Ameer on (February 13, 2012, 11:00 GMT)

inshallah ajmal destroy england batting and pakistan white wash england again in ODI series and also in T20

Posted by Dummy4 on (February 13, 2012, 9:38 GMT)

Dardemund - if you're going to try and add homophobic insults, at least try and be funny you complete tool

Posted by Dummy4 on (February 13, 2012, 9:33 GMT)

Bopara as Captain? Was that sarcasm? God, I sure hope that it was. Broad might be a better choice as England captain. I know he is still young but he is energetic and passionate about winning! Could make a huge difference.

Posted by Dummy4 on (February 13, 2012, 8:58 GMT)

quote of the day "Get a coach with dad-like qualities

Posted by Umer F. on (February 13, 2012, 7:44 GMT)

Alex did mentioned "what can England learn" from Pakistan but missed completely "what they have learnt" uptil now. Tell England to rush lest they will miss the train. Moreover, for Coach Mike Gatting would be more suitable choice compared to Boycott, he looks Grandfather now. Ask Swann to see the Pakistanis by naked eyes not thru Sunglasses. How about Davies, he can prove him/herself to be a good learner to fill this blank? Also don't forget to ask Mushi to invent some more Spin mysteries.

Posted by Zain on (February 13, 2012, 7:29 GMT)

wow that was realy typically english humor!!

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