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Yes, minister

Cricketers who could be cabinet ministers

Deepak Gopalakrishnan

Comments: 5 | Text size: A | A
Dean Jones plays professor before a cricket match
Having lost his candidacy for minister for minority rights, Dean Jones tries his hand at human resource development © AFP

One guy recently has been given a parliamentary role. One guy. Who already has enough functions to attend, ribbons to cut, ads to act in… Oh, and throw in the odd game of cricket now and then.

What if this catches on, and more cricketers were bestowed gubernatorial duties? Let's have a quick-see what this dream government cabinet (and friends) would look like.

Ministry of bilateral culture exchange This role requires someone with immense savvy, knowledge of how to get the best out of both involved parties, and powers of manipulation to attain his own selfish the larger good. Kevin Pietersen, step forward.

Ministry of agriculture If he could do so much gardening with a bat, imagine what Michael Atherton could do with a spade.

Ministry of defence We have no dearth of able leadership here. Imagine Rahul Dravid, Sunny Gavaskar, Chris Tavaré, Geoff Boycott and Shiv Chanderpaul together. They probably wouldn't send a nuclear missile to another country, but if one were to be targeted towards them, they'd effortlessly and classily grind it down, using some sort of a defence mechanism, and give a small nod of the head after pulling the lever.

Department of external affairs Shane Warne, usually.

Ministry of natural gas Danny Morrison, who creates more gas per commentary session than BP does in a year.

Ministry of justice For this, we need someone impartial, who inspires confidence in the masses, and has the ability to tune out all the lobbying noises and deliver the right verdict, although sometimes in a painfully slow manner. Justice Rudi Koertzen, please step forward to take your oath.

Ministry of tourism We need someone versatile. Someone who is as comfortable in other countries as he is in his own. Someone who visits every possible place, makes his presence felt there, and (enter uplifting strings and orchestra) brings national barriers down, proving that we are all, indeed, men of our own soul and not bogged down by the place of our birth. For all this and more, the honcho here is none other than Chris Gayle, that boarding-pass collecting whacker, him.

Ministry of youth affairs Shahid Afridi, of course.

Ministry of waterworks* Dhoni… well, of course.

Ministry of finance We must come to accept that politicians generally pilfer whatever they can during their term. Given that, if I had a man who almost doubled my revenue and created a spectacle for the world to feed upon every year, I'd not just make him the MoF, but also allow him to pilfer away whatever he wanted.

National Advisory Council Who is it that always has a kind word even when it's not needed? Who is blindly trusted regardless of his past deeds? Who gleefully and helpfully offers his two cents? Up, Ricky Ponting.

How long would this dream team last? We can't make any guesses, but like Humphrey Appleby said, "Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century - politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon." Or in this case, close of play.

*Sreesanth was also considered for Waterworks but he was said to have an overdependence on his ally, Harbhajan Singh, in order to deliver

Deepak Gopalakrishnan blogs here

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Comments: 5 
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Posted by Dummy4 on (May 6, 2012, 18:29 GMT)

Hoped for a Good article after reading the title,I would rate it as an average one.

Posted by Karthik on (May 6, 2012, 18:22 GMT)

is the Dean Jones bit referring to the Hashim Amla episode where he called Amla the T-word ?

Posted by Vikram on (May 6, 2012, 18:01 GMT)

That should not read "Shane Warne, usually". It should be "Shane Warne, obviously".

Posted by harsha on (May 6, 2012, 10:16 GMT)

Ministry of youth affairs Shahid Afridi, of course -Hilarious

Posted by Dummy4 on (May 6, 2012, 9:36 GMT)

Dumb! Concept is good, Lost in Execution! Could have been much more funny! Expected a lot more, but disappointed in the end! Sorry!!!

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