The Heavy Ball

This, that and the other. Mostly the other

The week on Twitter

'If there was a TV show So U Think U Can Snore...'

This week's instalment features programming ideas, old ladies, and PG-rated injuries

Alex Bowden

Comments: 1 | Text size: A | A
Manoj Tiwary sealed victory with a couple of boundaries, Kolkata Knight Riders v Chennai Super Kings, IPL 2012, final, Chennai, May 27, 2012
Manoj Tiwary: a fan of padded inner wear © AFP
Enlarge

The rehabilitation
Matt Prior's injured.

"Who ever came up with the rehab exercises for achilles injuries must have also enjoyed watching paint dry and queuing at the bank! #tedious"
@MattPrior13

You're rather missing the point there, Matt. The alleviation of tendinitis isn't merely a happy by-product of the fun-filled knockabout activities that are enjoyed by physiotherapists. Achilles rehabilitation exercises were actually specifically developed to help people recover, and so enjoyment isn't really a concern. Hope that clears things up for you.

The conversation
Scott Styris has a fairly hideous injury at the moment.

"not having much luck explaining to my 6yr old what a dislocated thumb and the bone thru the skin is? maybe its not the right convo anyway"
@scottbstyris

Why try and explain when you've got the torn flesh and bone right there at the end of your arm?

The commissioning editor
Albie Morkel's got an idea for a TV programme.

"If there was a tv show 'So u think u can snore' the granny next to me on the flight last night wouldve won it without a doubt!!"
@albiemorkel

There is a very good reason why TV doesn't feature a programme called So U Think U Can Snore, Albie. Stick to cricket.

The time
Simon Jones has been relying on UK breakfast TV programme Daybreak instead of his watch. Fortunately, he quickly deduced that something was awry.

"Why is daybreaks clock an hour behind???"
@si610

"Sorry had ITV +1 on"

The champion
Manoj Tiwary has a vision.

"The vision of a champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion when no one is watching"
@tiwarymanoj

Someone with food poisoning?

The bouncer
Manoj has a measurement.

"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs, but how high he bounces when he hits bottom"

There's a reason why climbers use ropes and harnesses, Manoj. Men don't bounce. From a really great height, a man might spread out a bit upon impact, but he won't bounce.

The theft
James Taylor had second thoughts about a moment of generosity.

"Morale dilemma, I gave my trolley to an old lady but it's still got my pound in it. Can I run back into Asda and take her down? #trolleywars"
@jamestaylor20

Don't resort to violence against the elderly, James. That would be stooping very low indeed. Why not instead try and negotiate for her to work off her debt via a series of back-breaking chores?

The buttery fingers
David Lloyd was unimpressed with the standards of fielding in the stands at a recent Twenty20 match.

"Crowd shouldn't be allowed in unless they can catch . 14 have gone down today..."
@BumbleCricket

The third dimension
Ramnaresh Sarwan's been stepping outside his comfort zone.

"About to have a 3D experience, any advice?"
@ronniesarwan

Yes. If it's too frightening, take off the glasses and… Oh my god, the entire world's in 3D! Why can't we live in a safe cartoon land where everything's two-dimensional?

The amateur chef
Graeme Swann was in charge of dinner.

"A disappointing moment tonight when the oven had been on for an hour and the lasagne didn't seem to be cooking. It was still on the worktop."
@Swanny

Meals are always warmly received when the diners have built up an appetite.

What's your philosophy?
Could Lonwabo Tsotsobe become the next Shaun Pollock? What is it with South African bowlers and trite philosophy?

"We enjoy the process far more than the proceeds. We learn frm our mistakes. Goodmorning ya'll, and hv a superb saturday!"
@LonwaboTsotsobe

"Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success. Mornin,and have a blessed sunday."

It doesn't sound like Lonwabo had a particularly successful weekend.

Getting to know God
Another week without updates from Sachin Tendulkar. Maybe he's making a subtle and post-modern comment on the godlessness of the modern world.

Or maybe he can't be arsed.

Nando's watch
"Real shame about the game today, sat at nandos now hatching plans for this afternoon. Hmm"
@finnysteve (Steven Finn)

"Yet again find myself at nandos.. I should set up a direct debit"
@AlexHales1

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 1 
Posted by addicted_to_chaos on (June 28, 2012, 6:21 GMT)

Good..............................................

Comments have now been closed for this article

Email this page to a friend Email Feedback Feedback Print Print
More in The Heavy Ball
RSS FeedAll
  • How to wind up cricket's purists
    The Long Handle: Just ask the ECB's new helmsman
  • The Sri Lankan party at the MCG
    Fan Following: The Dilshan-Sangakkara show, Rangana Herath's athleticism, the papare bands and the obstacle-course race during the mid-innings lit up the Bangladesh-Sri Lanka game at the MCG
  • Backing Green at the Gabba
    Fan Following: The match between Ireland and the UAE was the first final-over thriller of the World Cup and it was littered with great moments like the bail fail and the antics of Larry the Leprechaun
  • Don't support your national team
    The Long Handle: It will only cause your blood pressure to rise
  • 'Your captain's Irish'
    Fan Following: It might have been a bit of a no-contest but the fun fans and excellent weather made up for it
  • NZ's Rottweiler bite
    Simon Barnes: Their hyper-aggressive ways have got them success in the World Cup so far. But is the method as sustainable as it is eye-catching?
  • Soumya Sarkar's shot in the dark
    Christian Ryan: The long-lasting memory of a young batsman we have never seen before is of that one brilliant shot announcing his arrival
  • The vices and virtues of Misbah
    Ahmer Naqvi: The debate about whether Misbah-ul-Haq is holding Pakistan back or holding them together is obscuring the team's real problems
  • 'The best game of bad cricket'
    Two Men Out: Jarrod Kimber and Andy Zaltzman on the madness at Eden Park, and the ICC celebrating UAE's pasting
  • White Nights, grey skies, and a Gayle shower
    Firdose Moonda returns to familiar surroundings and learns that you need to pack mittens, even for the NZ summer
  • ESPN
  • ESPNF1
  • Scrum
  • Soccernet