New Moores regime: Not going to be a problem because England no longer have any.
New Moores regime: Each individual player can choose the colour of cones he will be running around 100 times a day while being shouted at.
New Moores regime: Speech de-meaninglessified vis a vis new management communicational paradigm. Going forward.
New Moores regime: England cricket paymasters bending over backwards to get in bed with dodgy Indian moneymen.
New Moores regime: Andy Flower probably pulling the strings behind closed doors.
New Moores regime: Still a work in progress, but English cricket has changed Official Team England Mineral Water Partner.
New Moores regime: Full-time role for Bubble out of Big Brother as specialist team sun-hat consultant with possible consultancy work for Reni of the Stone Roses on an ad hoc basis if further sun-hat expertise is required.
New Moores regime: Feeling around the team that Ian Bell is finally ready to step up and provide the leadership that his experience and talent have long promised.
New Moores regime: Goochie relieved of batting-coach duties during frying-an-egg demonstration in Waitrose for sponsor's junket.
New Moores regime: Everything will be Pietersen's fault.
Alan Tyers is the author of WG Grace Ate My Pedalo and more. www.tyersandbeach.com