Pakistan v England: what are the odds?

We're just days away from the Test series opener in Dubai's legendary cricket cauldron, the Indentured Labour Stadium, and the English batsmen are putting the final touches to their preparations by giving Ali Cook plenty of time in the middle. Meanwhile, literally dozens of Barmy Army fans are making the trip of a lifetime to the cricketing hotbed, and are currently working out whether it's worth risking 15 years in prison for smuggling cans into the stadium.

Bookmakers have also been gearing up for a busy series, and there are certainly some value bets on offer for those in the know. Our resident betting expert marks your card.

Top wicket-taker is often a hard call on these slow pitches, so I'm instead looking at Most Bizarre Injury to An England Bowler. Chris Tremlett has put down an early marker with an eye infection, but I fancy Jimmy Anderson at 3/1 to retire from the series with RSI of the wrist after those long evenings on the PlayStation in the England team hotel. Stuart Broad is 5/1 to fly home early with a strained voicebox after yelling himself hoarse with his over-aggressive appeals. And keep an eye out for aspiring TV personality Graeme Swann getting sidelined with a sprained neck after practising one too many "turn and smoulder" head-turn manoeuvres to an imaginary camera, at 10/1.

Sources in Pakistan are telling me to keep an eye on the Youngest Akmal market. With comedy keeper Kamran out in the cold, Pakistan will be fielding a disappointingly low number of Akmals, with just Umar and Adnan flying the family flag. Younger brother Dave Akmal, a keeper-batsman with an eye for a business opportunity is 16 years old, and is available at even money to feature in the series, but braver souls might fancy a flutter on 10-year-old Kalamiti Akmal, a keeper-batsman with an eye for a business opportunity, who is 5/1 to debut in the Tests. Eighteen-month-old Akmal Akmal, a keeper-batsman with an eye for a business opportunity and a fondness for rusks, is 33/1 to play.

With Monty Panesar back in the England fold, there's no value in the Most Boring Post-Match Interview betting, with the Bedfordshire tweaker unopposable at 4/1 on, but there are good prices available for the Timing Of First Major Incident Between The Two Sides, with "ball-tampering row by day one lunch" tempting at 5/2 and "walk-out by stumps" backable at 4/1. Finally, stay clear of the Next Arrested Player market, which has been suspended due to betting irregularities.