Pup stoops to conquer
The Australian vice-captain deigns to bless a certain Twenty20 tournament with his presence. Maybe
Alan Tyers
25-Oct-2010
"I'm sorry sir, we're going to have to take you in. Your change of heart is not quite convincing" • Associated Press
The Place: A typical home in India
The Time: The present day
The Time: The present day
"Father! Father!"
"What is it, my child? What has made you so overcome with emotion?"
"Oh, father. Today is the day we have dreamed of for so many years. Ever since Mr Modi invented the IPL have we prayed and hoped for this moment. And now it may finally have come."
"Well, spit it out, boy. What is it?"
"Father - Michael Clarke is considering coming to play in the IPL!"
"Oh happy day! Oh joy! Oh rapture! Can it be true that our prayers have finally been answered, my son?"
"It is, father, it really is: now we Indians too will be able to thrill to Michael Clarke's exciting tip-and-run brand of the shortest format of the game."
"Quickly, boy, rouse your grandmother from her deathbed and tell her the wondrous news."
Tiny and frail but elated, the old woman gets to her feet to perform a small jig of delight.
"Oh dance with me, my grandson, and let us celebrate the possible opening up in Michael Clarke's busy international calendar that may allow him to grace the IPL."
"Did you think you would live to see the day, grandmother?"
"I must confess that I did not, my darling. I feared that I might go to the great player auction in the sky without having seen the boyish middle-order batsman make a useful 50 off 75 balls in our own fair land."
"Shall we go to the match together, grandma?"
"No, my love. I am too old and weak for the thrills of watching the Australian limited-overs captain in the flesh. It is enough for me to know that he will be signing up for IPL4. Now I can die happy."
She dies.
Happily.
"Normally, my son, I would be distraught with grief over the death of my mother, your grandmother."
"So would I, dad."
"But after the news that Michael Clarke views IPL4 as an important part of his preparations ahead of Australia's Twenty20 World Cup campaign, the death of my beloved mother pales into insignificance."
"Me too, dad. I'm over it already, thanks to Michael Clarke's newfound interest in the IPL."
"He's not doing it for money, you know, son."
"No dad."
"It's about being the best Twenty20 player he can possibly be."
"Yes dad."
They stare into the distance for some time.
Fin
Check out a free sneak peek of Alan Tyers and Beach's new book WG Grace Ate My Pedalo here. All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up (but you knew that already, didn't you?)