From stepping on Lord's with a suitcase full of cash, to offering his knee to England WAGs, Allen Stanford discusses his eventful 2008 in a totally made-up interview in the Guardian.

In June I made my historic first trip to Lord's to meet my new buddies at the ECB. Folks say the British can be cold and reserved, but as I stepped out of that helicopter I had a great, warm feeling of love, somewhere between the knee and upper thigh region. But as soon as Mr Collier had been removed and helped back up to his feet he was fine. "There you go, little fellow," I said, slipping him a little something for his trouble. "But ... I'm chairman of the ECB," he said, still drying his eyes. "My mistake," I said, replacing it with a fifty. "Now don't drop that valise, son. I'll be in your office. If you need me I'll be drinking a Dr Pepper with my feet up on your desk."

Nishi Narayanan is a staff writer at ESPNcricinfo