Narine ordered to bowl in his pants and socks

After further disputes over the legality of his action, the BCCI today declared that Sunil Narine, Kolkata Knight Riders' offspinner, must play all future IPL matches in just his pants and socks. The news comes as a further blow to the West Indian, who has already been told he can only continue to participate in the tournament on condition his contributions are limited to bowling solely his knuckle ball while standing on his head and whistling the theme tune to the Game of Thrones.

Normally a punishment reserved for schoolboys who forget their kit for PE, the BCCI's decision to insist Narine turn out in just his pants and socks has inevitably come in for a great deal of criticism, but Indian cricket's governing body yesterday stated that it believed the sanction was "proportionate and not at all unreasonable". Speaking at a press conference in Mumbai, a spokesman explained the thinking:

"For too long, Sunil has got away with repeatedly enlivening the IPL with his canny and entertaining displays. We've tried to treat him with dignity and respect by packing him off for extensive testing, clearing him to bowl and then subsequently banning him from using his offspinner, but we felt that now a more onerous punishment was in order. In the same way schoolboys who are made to play indoor football in their pants and socks are too embarrassed to ever again forget their sports kit, by making Sunil play in his pants and socks he will never again forget to keep his arm straight. You can see the logic."

This new instalment in the ongoing elbow imbroglio has also led to suggestions of a conspiracy against the Trinidadian by one franchise in particular. Narine had previously been banned from bowling in last year's Champions League final (against Chennai) and, after being reported in this year's tournament, withdrew from Knight Riders' next match (against Chennai) while he underwent further testing (in Chennai). The latest decision meant he also didn't play in Knight Riders' most recent game on Thursday (against Chennai). Chennai Super Kings boss, N Srinivasan (from near Chennai), nevertheless denied there was anything untoward going on (in relation to Chennai):

"Yes, Sunil was banned a day before our Champions League final against KKR. Yes, Sunil happens to be missing matches against us now. Yet just because of this people seem to think the situation's fishier than a trout farm run by my son-in-law. In actual fact, there's no CSK conspiracy against him. Sunil said as much in an email to his captain, Gauti. Er, I mean, I imagine that's what he said. I've obviously no idea what people say in their private emails. Er, anyway. It's got nothing to do with us."

After further condemnation of the punishment as "heavy-handed" and "demeaning", the BCCI later attempted to justify its decision by releasing a dossier detailing recent instances where other national boards have adopted school-style disciplinary measures. The accuracy of some of their recollections has been questioned but the list offered was as followed:

February 2014: Kevin Pietersen forced to write out "I am not a flamingo" 13,797 times by then-ECB managing director Paul Downton after scoring runs in a slightly cocky manner.

March 2013: Homeworkgate - Four Australian players sent home from India for not submitting an essay on the cultural significance of barbecues in Shane Warne's commentary stints.

November 2011: Mohammad Amir put in detention for six months for deliberately bowling no-balls and having "subversive hair that flops about too much".

January 2008: Andrew Symonds made to stand in a corner after telling fibs about Sachin.

The dossier has yet to convince all sections of the cricketing public, but for his part Narine has already started to take steps to again remedy his troublesome action. "The BCCI has actually been quite helpful, to be honest," he said from Kolkata. "They even suggested I could try wearing a permanent plaster cast over my elbow to keep it straight, and as I didn't have any plaster on me, Mr Srinivasan kindly offered to give me some cement completely free of charge. It might be a bit restrictive, I guess, but all I really want to do is just get back to doing what I do best: bowling offspin whilst wearing my trousers. Well, and my shoes too, if possible."