'In my heart I wanted to be a fighter pilot'
Zimbabwe batsman Sikandar Raza talks about his late start in cricket, being independent, and what Test cricket means to him

"Playing for Zimbabwe is something you have to earn. You can't expect things to fall into your lap" • Hagen Hopkins/Getty Images
It has certainly been very enjoyable. The best part of this journey has been the different challenges any international cricketer would come across. It certainly hasn't been easy. Going forward, I hope it will be even more enjoyable. Different sorts of challenges will come in, different sorts of performances you have to put in for the team to win the game.
I think settling into international cricket was difficult for us. In my opinion, our domestic structure hasn't got the quality of spinners or pacers you come across in international cricket. You regularly come across 140-145 clicks, and in domestic cricket we only had one guy who bowled 140. International cricket is a big step up, not just for me but any Zimbabwean coming into international cricket, and that's why it takes some of us a lot longer to adjust and bring out the performances than the other guys. I am not trying to use that as an excuse. I think if I am realistic, I wouldn't want to put them under pressure. For me they must come up and enjoy international cricket, work on their game and get better.
I think the game was starting at one o'clock and I was told at about 12.10 in the afternoon that I will be captaining. I think that's why I didn't overthink it, which was a good thing.
"I felt for the people of Pakistan. For a country whose people love the sport not to have international cricket for six years - I had goosebumps because of how they treated us"
The emphasis was that I was captaining Zimbabwe. I do not care who I play against, but the most important thing for me is to represent Zimbabwe, and I do that with a lot of honour. It was great to lead this great bunch of boys.
I think the game put a sense of responsibility in me that this is how I am looked at by the board and senior players. I wasn't the senior most but I was asked to captain. My players respected that decision and backed me 100%. I started to bowl a lot more and bat longer after that game.
I do homework on who I will be facing. If I am not going to be facing 140kph in the matches, there's no point in facing 140kph in the nets. I prepare for different tours differently. Some have seam and some have spin challenges. On some tours I may be batting down the order, which means I have to hit out most of the time instead of building an innings. If I can be brutally honest with you, I think one of the reasons I haven't performed in the last five to seven games is because I haven't prepared well. I think it is something for which I have to look in the mirror and say, this is what I need to do to prepare myself for the next tour if I am given the honour to be picked in the Zimbabwe squad.
It has been 13 years since we moved to Zimbabwe as a family. I was away in Scotland for my studies for a lot of those years. I only started playing cricket in 2009.
In the first game we certainly had some goosebumps. I felt for the people of Pakistan. For a country whose people love the sport, not to have international cricket for six years - I had those goosebumps because of how they treated us. The amount of love they showed. Some of the Pakistani players were quite emotional as well. I felt their pain.
"I still watch programmes about fighter planes with a lot of interest. It gets me emotional"
For me it was destiny. I was never meant to play cricket. In my heart I wanted to be a fighter pilot. After that dream didn't come true, I wanted to be a software engineer. That also didn't come through. I think this shows that God has a better plan for you than you do for yourself. Some guys may have migrated to other countries to play cricket. I didn't, so when I actually meet some of them, the only word we say is destiny - here we are.
Just once, but see, it is just a movie. I am quite a realistic person. Some of my friends who were with me are now fighter pilots. Some of them are on F-16s and some are flying instructors. I feel quite happy and blessed. Some of them were shaheed [martyred] trying to protect people. Everyone is going to die, but what better way is there? There was something wrong with their planes, so it was either that they ejected and saved their lives and the plane crashed into a populated area or they tried to take the plane away from that area. Two of my friends were blessed with such a beautiful death.
It certainly helps you in making decisions. You have to live by it, whether it is wrong or right. You can't give credit or blame anyone. My family supported me throughout my time in the boarding schools, studying in Scotland, and now I am playing cricket, which is also like a boarding school.
I think it does affect all of us. Test cricket teaches us the game. I don't want to take the limelight away from T20s but I've learnt a lot of cricket from those four Tests than the 50 ODIs that I've played. I think the little success I have had is because of Test cricket. We may not see the side effects this year but not playing Tests certainly has taken the shine out of our ODI and to some extent, T20 cricket.
I have moved past that insecurity. I will use this tour as a perfect example. I was dropped for the last game [second T20 against Bangladesh]. I haven't performed in the last five or six games. I deserved to be dropped, and playing for Zimbabwe is something you have to earn. You can't expect things to fall into your lap. The decision to drop me didn't hurt me but what hurt me was that I hadn't been doing well. Sometimes it is not a bad thing to take a step back and watch it from outside. You can see where you've gone wrong.
I used to train to be a pilot. Now that I am training to be a cricketer, it could be slightly easier. I think training for a pilot would be a lot more difficult. (smiles)
Mohammad Isam is ESPNcricinfo's Bangladesh correspondent. @isam84