A code of Tweetiquette
What players should and shouldn't post on their micro-blogging page thingies
Samantha Pendergrast
23-Sep-2010
With players lashing out on Twitter, the ICC, after consulting its member boards, has devised a social-networking Code of Conduct. But simultaneously the Association of Fans Fed Up Of Cricketers' Idea Of Conversation, Which Is Actually Ultra-Lame Blah has also released a similar directive. Unfortunately, the two got mixed up when they were delivered to us. We've organised them by categories, but which is which?
Restaurants
We love them, you love them. Write where you go to eat, how much you eat, what the person at the next table eats, and whether you got a doggy bag for later.
We love them, you love them. Write where you go to eat, how much you eat, what the person at the next table eats, and whether you got a doggy bag for later.
Restaurants are great. But really, unless you had a bowl of rotten snails and puked your guts out and have pictures to prove you were sick as a dog, keep to yourself. A salad and chicken pasta? Hope you choked on them.
Parties
It's nice that you get time off a hectic schedule (see, it's not that hectic) to socialise. Maybe you met some friends, bumped into a celebrity (preferably a non-controversial, cricket-loving popstar), wore a tux and had some wine. It's a perfect glimpse into celebrity life.
It's nice that you get time off a hectic schedule (see, it's not that hectic) to socialise. Maybe you met some friends, bumped into a celebrity (preferably a non-controversial, cricket-loving popstar), wore a tux and had some wine. It's a perfect glimpse into celebrity life.
Did you get drunk? Did you get drunk and piss on the late-night edition of the News of the World? Or spank a cricketer-turned commentator? Or get a hickey to go with the England lions tattoo on your arm? No? Then we're not interested.
General musings
Two thumbs-up to best wishes, good lucks, thank yous, season's greetings and birthday greetings to sycophantic readers and their families.
Two thumbs-up to best wishes, good lucks, thank yous, season's greetings and birthday greetings to sycophantic readers and their families.
Hip hip hurrahs for predicting match results (especially "v r so gonna lose this", "didja see dat drpd ctch? Mkes u wundr, eh"), talking about team-mates ("AB de Villiers album out! I've put on Ebay. Highest bid: $0.3, by his mum. Lolz, guyz"), and dishing gossip ("Bhajji hit on a chick. Got slapped. FTW").
Emoticons
If you have these, you're gold in our book: four smileys per tweet, three exclamations per sentence, and a "muaaaah" or two.
If you have these, you're gold in our book: four smileys per tweet, three exclamations per sentence, and a "muaaaah" or two.
You have 140 characters. Do you really want to use 70 of them on ellipses and exclamations???
The weather
Share the information only if you haven't been paid to do so by a bookie.
Share the information only if you haven't been paid to do so by a bookie.
Share the information only if there is a hurricane approaching your neighbourhood. If it has hit you, don't bother.
Philosophy
Everyone can do with a little inspiration. Like this: "Life is like a ball. D deeper u fall, d higher u bounce. so whn u feel u r at d lowest, jst remember u r going 2bounce back higher than b4".
Everyone can do with a little inspiration. Like this: "Life is like a ball. D deeper u fall, d higher u bounce. so whn u feel u r at d lowest, jst remember u r going 2bounce back higher than b4".
All you chaps could learn something from this: "The maximum time u will have to spend in ur life is with urself, so make yourself as interesting as possible".
Cricket news
Selection news is for selectors to release. Tour schedules, fines and bans are for the board to announce. Match-fixing rumours are for tabloids to create. IPL hype is for franchisees to generate. Everything else you can share.
Selection news is for selectors to release. Tour schedules, fines and bans are for the board to announce. Match-fixing rumours are for tabloids to create. IPL hype is for franchisees to generate. Everything else you can share.
If you had a "great" day, the scorecard will show it. If you had a "bad" day, the newspapers will publish it. If you are "feeling sore", the physio will answer for it. If you're "sitting in the pavilion", the TV will show it. Everything else, please, for god's sake, share.
Self-promotion
Product launches, television interviews, magazine covers are all excellent. Plug them while also occasionally making good use of the golden rule from the handbook given to each of you: "Why cricket is in good health. No, Tests, Twenty20s and ODIs are not dying".
Product launches, television interviews, magazine covers are all excellent. Plug them while also occasionally making good use of the golden rule from the handbook given to each of you: "Why cricket is in good health. No, Tests, Twenty20s and ODIs are not dying".
You're on Twitter for crying out loud! How much more promotion do you need?
Photographs
Twitpics are appreciated. Especially with World Cup mascots, tournament sponsors, ICC awards and your arm around an opponent you just beat.
Twitpics are appreciated. Especially with World Cup mascots, tournament sponsors, ICC awards and your arm around an opponent you just beat.
If you are one of Brendon McCullum, Shane Bond, Rahul Dravid, Dale Steyn, Chris Gayle, MS Dhoni - a little skin show wouldn't hurt.
All the "facts" in this article are made up (but you knew that already, didn't you?)