Why it's good India lost the No. 1 ranking

Firstly, it's a good thing for the Indian players. Defeats, especially massively embarrassing ones like this one, create discord in the dressing room. This is good, as watching any reality show will tell you. Discord leads to anger, hurt and vindictiveness, which spur sportsmen to do better (which is why Greg Chappell is the real architect of India's success). England, with their nicknames ending in "y", "daddy hundreds", and man love are already on the path to self-destruction. They just don't know it yet.

The IPL is copping a lot of blame for India's poor performance. Blaming the IPL is fun. Fun is good. Hence the loss is good*.

You know how Indian fans are always carping about people hating them because they are jealous of them? Well, it's true. We do hate them. And yes, we are jealous of them. Who wouldn't envy someone who pays to keep the game alive and gets squat in return? We feel envy, admiration, inspiration, affection and respect for these fans. But most of all we feel a whole lot of schadenfreude sloshing about inside us when we see them miserable, tying up bundles of old newspapers to get their effigies burning efficiently when their team fails. For that German emotion, it's worth seeing India fall from the top of the rankings. Though don't worry, England haters - and given it's a colonial game, there should be plenty - your time too shall come.

Really, India fans, this defeat is for your own good. Supporting a sports team is an exhausting job, whether they win or lose. But it's only rewarding if your team is not a champion. After all what contributions can fans claim to have made to a team of invincibles? Look at Australian fans these days. True, they can't be smug or throw their weight about, but they can be sure their emotional investments are now of some value.

At ICC conferences, Indian board officials may think twice before sending back the soup because it's a bit runny. Of course, the BCCI cannot be humbled, because you need to have soul for that, but we'll take what we can get.

The Indian media will be relieved . Good news isn't news. A disaster is news. India are a disaster right now, and hence newsworthy. Former players will be chuffed. They'll be needed again, to slam the team and talk about how things were so much better in their day.

Everyone can go back to worrying about the most important thing: Sachin Tendulkar's 100th hundred.

Pakistan can feel happy that they aren't the only screw-ups in the subcontinent.