'I don't care about your protein pancakes'

What's the score?

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They'll know that Chris Gayle got a few against Zimbabwe in that case. But some people here on Earth feel that he could have done better.

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Gayle's sometime team-mate Tino Best was also middling it this week and that allowed him to achieve an even bigger ambition; one that he's held for a number of years now.

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This is why your mum makes you play in international cricket grounds instead of the back garden, Tino.

Maybe Tino's given up professional cricket for Lent because it was of course Shrove Tuesday last week - or Pancake Day as it's more commonly known.

Hey, I know, for a twist, why don't we make protein pancakes this year?

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Not an original idea then.

But at least someone was happy.

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They weren't happy for long though.

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He doesn't say at what point he went. It could even have been before the innings began.

So impressive were New Zealand that Jesse Ryder was reduced to talking like Yoda.

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Enjoyed himself in the aftermath of New Zealand's win did Scott Styris. But later on kept a low profile he did.

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There's every chance they simply ignored what you were saying, Scott. After all, when people are #justsaying things you don't have to listen. It's important to learn that, otherwise you'd have to start taking Michael Vaughan seriously. And not everything Vaughan says necessarily comes to pass.

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A banana skin that you can #juststepover, I guess.

We neglected to cover an exciting development last time around - David Miller discovered sarcasm.

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It wasn't a classic example, but, you know, practice makes perfect.

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Tune in next week to hear David Miller expressing how much he loves it when wifi is slow when really he means that he hates it.

Finally, this is a highbrow column, so let's end with something sophisticated.

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Maybe he'd been eating protein pancakes.