Who's doing what, to whom

1. Gerald Majola is watching Swimming With Sharks.

2. Harbhajan Singh feels an old familiar itch afflict the palm of his hand.

3. Fidel Edwards is doing unspeakable things to voodoo dolls.

4.Ravi Shastri is drinking a honey-lemon infusion to soothe his vocal cords.

5.John Buchanan is reading three books by Edward de Bono at the same time.

6. Anil Kumble is writing Old Dogs, New Tricks: A Manual.

7. Kolkata Knight Riders are exploring a tie-up with De Beers, because, frankly, their uniforms need a little sparkle.

8. Jesse Ryder is wondering if those De Beers people deliver kegs.

9. Sivamani thinks he may have tinnitus, doc.

10. Glenn McGrath has had enough of being the elder spokesman.

11. Shane Warne has invented a new delivery that stops in mid-air after it bounces, and is looking for names for it.

12. Graeme Smith is glad he's two oceans away from that Johnson fellow.

13. Jacques Kallis is still trying to figure out how far above sea level the beach is.

14. Kevin Pietersen has already forgotten all the Afrikaans swear words he brushed up on last month.

15. Sreesanth has given his hairstylist carte blanche.

16. Aamir Khan is delighted.

17. Pragyan Ojha is looking for zinc cream with a even higher sun-protection factor.

18. Paul Collingwood is humming "Money for Nothing".