Australia October 6, 2010

Now on sale: Ricky Ponting wind-up doll

Friday, 1st October Watching little Ricky lose it with Zaheer today was just like old times and particularly welcome at the headquarters of Hughes Cricket Toys Limited, where we are well into the marketing phase of our latest product
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Friday, 1st October Watching little Ricky lose it with Zaheer today was just like old times and particularly welcome at the headquarters of Hughes Cricket Toys Limited, where we are well into the marketing phase of our latest product. Sales of the Graeme Swann “Catch a Kitty” board game have slackened of late, so just in time for Christmas, we are delighted to announce the launch of the Ricky Ponting Wind-Up Doll.

Kids will have hours of fun with this pint-sized plastic replica of old Punter himself. Push his buttons and hear him splutter with rage before unleashing a string of semi-audible Aussie expletives. Or twist his nose out of joint and watch him stomp round and round in circles, brandishing his plastic bat until his baggy green slips over his eyes and he falls over. Get ‘em now while his captaincy lasts.

Sunday, 3rd October The cricket in Mohali hasn’t been bad, but the real action is in the booth, where we are witnessing a fascinating clash for the Hogg-Shastri Lack Of Objectivity Trophy.

Stout Brad is clearly a graduate of the Ian Healy school of commentary, though with more roaring. He has so far managed to refrain from launching into the opening bars of "Advance Australia Fair", but you feel it could happen any moment.

The Ravster is of course, a smoother operator than his commentary chum. He gets the job done in subtler fashion. Take, for instance, the issue of the catch that dismissed Dhoni today. The big guy declared surprise that a catch that had clearly been taken was given, on the grounds that you usually can’t see that kind of catch clearly on replay even though this time you could. Nice work, sir.

Monday, 4th October It appears that the list of suitors for the Olympic Stadium now includes Essex County Cricket Club. Now I don’t mean to be unkind, but given that the stadium in question holds 80,000, I’m not sure that the tiny band of Essex regulars will quite do the facilities justice. Still, in the same spirit, I have made my own application to use the Olympic Stadium for a couple of family picnics in May 2013. I have offered to do my own catering and promised not to let my daughter draw on the plastic seats.

Tuesday, 5th October I’m glad that it was India’s youngest spinner who secured the winning runs because up until then it had appeared to be “Pick on Ojha” day at the PCA Stadium. First, Siva claimed he looked like he was going to cry whilst waiting to bat, and then, while standing at the non-striker’s end, he was on the receiving end of that rarest of phenomena: a VVS verbal tirade. The four-letter earful had commentators baffled and Ojha looking like a guilty puppy who knows he has done something wrong but isn’t sure what.

By the end, the stands that had been empty for much of the game were heaving. I like the attitude of the Indian crowds. Test cricket may be the most enthralling flavour of the sport. But it isn’t enthralling seven hours a day. Sometimes it is duller than listening to David Gower reading the shipping forecast. Rather than arriving two hours in advance with three packed meals, a thermos and a scorecard and sitting there all day, it makes far more sense to turn up when it gets exciting, then pop home to feed your parrot or clip your toenails during the quiet bits.

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • Ellyanna on September 6, 2011, 16:01 GMT

    Didn't know the forum rules allowed such brillniat posts.

  • Kenelm on September 5, 2011, 13:27 GMT

    This is the perfect way to break down this infomration.

  • Martin on October 27, 2010, 11:54 GMT

    Hahaha! 'Ricky Ponting Wind-up doll'! You may accuse me of recklessly brandishing oxymora, but that's actually quite a funny pun.

  • ghostkiller on October 9, 2010, 9:21 GMT

    funny article Andrew xD aha I thought Shastri was a terrible commentator a few months ago too but he's really improved and striking a balance. Very sedate and informative during test cricket and ear-splitting in 20/20's o-, keep up the good work Ravi!!

  • sab on October 7, 2010, 22:56 GMT

    Does your punter doll spit on its palm too :P Very well written article Gr8 job again!

  • Chris on October 7, 2010, 19:27 GMT

    Ponting and Dhoni needs to find form

    Chris

  • Jon on October 7, 2010, 13:10 GMT

    Does the Ponting doll come with an Gary Pratt accessory, for pushing him over the edge?

  • sam on October 7, 2010, 5:52 GMT

    Really agree with Andrew, about Punter,Indian crowd and Ravster may not be in that order........, the gem however is the silly pup Ojha, go man go regale us with more such stuff.

  • Raju Iyer on October 7, 2010, 4:26 GMT

    Lovely writing, keep it up , mate!

  • Naveen on October 7, 2010, 2:27 GMT

    Guys, Andrew is right. Though it was Arun Lal commentating with Brad Hogg when the Dhoni catch was taken by Watson, soon after that there was a change in commentary and Ravi Shastri took over and he clearly said that 'I've never seen any umpire give that out'. It is this statement that Andrew is referring to. P.S: Thank me Andy....

  • Ellyanna on September 6, 2011, 16:01 GMT

    Didn't know the forum rules allowed such brillniat posts.

  • Kenelm on September 5, 2011, 13:27 GMT

    This is the perfect way to break down this infomration.

  • Martin on October 27, 2010, 11:54 GMT

    Hahaha! 'Ricky Ponting Wind-up doll'! You may accuse me of recklessly brandishing oxymora, but that's actually quite a funny pun.

  • ghostkiller on October 9, 2010, 9:21 GMT

    funny article Andrew xD aha I thought Shastri was a terrible commentator a few months ago too but he's really improved and striking a balance. Very sedate and informative during test cricket and ear-splitting in 20/20's o-, keep up the good work Ravi!!

  • sab on October 7, 2010, 22:56 GMT

    Does your punter doll spit on its palm too :P Very well written article Gr8 job again!

  • Chris on October 7, 2010, 19:27 GMT

    Ponting and Dhoni needs to find form

    Chris

  • Jon on October 7, 2010, 13:10 GMT

    Does the Ponting doll come with an Gary Pratt accessory, for pushing him over the edge?

  • sam on October 7, 2010, 5:52 GMT

    Really agree with Andrew, about Punter,Indian crowd and Ravster may not be in that order........, the gem however is the silly pup Ojha, go man go regale us with more such stuff.

  • Raju Iyer on October 7, 2010, 4:26 GMT

    Lovely writing, keep it up , mate!

  • Naveen on October 7, 2010, 2:27 GMT

    Guys, Andrew is right. Though it was Arun Lal commentating with Brad Hogg when the Dhoni catch was taken by Watson, soon after that there was a change in commentary and Ravi Shastri took over and he clearly said that 'I've never seen any umpire give that out'. It is this statement that Andrew is referring to. P.S: Thank me Andy....

  • Ashok on October 6, 2010, 22:53 GMT

    Great that you pointed out the Ian Healey school of objectivity!! Please include a one-eye patch for the Christmas toy list as well.

  • David on October 6, 2010, 22:08 GMT

    What was wrong with Hogg? I felt he was much more impartial then the indian commentators talking up their players every chance they got and mentioning the lack of the aussie's skill whenever possible. I think one of them even claimed "Australian bowlers are doing well despite not having the skill of Zaheer Kahn", yes they hardly have the skill despite having better bowling averages.....

  • Edward Theodore Logan the third on October 6, 2010, 22:00 GMT

    I can't stand any of the Indian commentators but Shastri is not the worst. That mantle goes to Gavaskar by the length of Nasser Hussain's nose. As a commentator, Gavaskar makes an excellent batsman. I just wish Fox Sports (covering the tour here in Australia) would fund trips to India for more Australian commentators so we don't have to listen to the dribble coming from Shastri, Gavaskar and Shivaramakrishnan. Half the time you can't even understand what they are rabbiting on about!

  • ramesh on October 6, 2010, 20:44 GMT

    aye if lalit modi were to have remained around he would have created 20-20 tests where spectators could see such delights like a team playing with 7 wickets down on a pitch over which horses had been made to run, the night before (the target being set after an auction of course) .. a sure hit among the indian spectators

  • krishna on October 6, 2010, 19:17 GMT

    In what was an excellent piece of satire - only hmarred by the wrong observation on Dhoni's catch - surely Andrew - a visit to the optician beckons

  • saurshaz on October 6, 2010, 16:42 GMT

    Good for fun ... but otherwise .. Arun Lal and Ravi Shastri .. shall not be confused by any sincere follower of cricket .. and yes ... even the protege - Hogg believed it was not out and then when it was given he switched stances ... Sanjay manjerekar later spoke a very neutral statement and justified how camera frame rates might have affected the deciscion

  • NM87 on October 6, 2010, 16:31 GMT

    What we missed is Oct 2nd. Yup! It was a holiday in our Sub-continent.... What happened to you Andrew? missing that day a lot....

  • R. Shastri on October 6, 2010, 16:30 GMT

    You forgot the bit when I (Ravi Shastri) commented on the lbw decision involving Ojha was turned in favor of India. I defended the decision saying ' One goes India's way' before anyone can point a finger or make a big deal out of it. In the process I subtly pointed out Ishant's lbw decision that went against India (btw I did explode when he was given out - what a time to be getting such a decision.. what a time... ).

  • Swami on October 6, 2010, 15:54 GMT

    I dont know if Ravster has a problem with sight, but you sure tried to sneak one on Ravi there. Nice work, sir !

  • Indy on October 6, 2010, 15:02 GMT

    Excellent writing Andrew !!! I kind of learnt your every words by heart now :) But you forgot to mention the adv of tough cricket "when aussie rages ...."

  • Nisha on October 6, 2010, 14:27 GMT

    I like "Ricky a wind up girl". Good one folks.

  • Akheel on October 6, 2010, 14:13 GMT

    Andrew s now on on Big Rav's 'must watch list'. Be afraid , Be VERY Afraid!!

  • Kaustubh on October 6, 2010, 13:11 GMT

    "duller than listening to David Gower reading the shipping forecast"..........hehehehehehe.....I cant control myself.....

  • Harvey on October 6, 2010, 13:07 GMT

    Regarding the Indian spectators, they'd probably spent most of the previous few days trying to find out which obscure bank several miles from the ground was selling the tickets, and the rest of the time waiting for it to open. Glad they got in eventually.

  • Jim on October 6, 2010, 12:32 GMT

    Punter toy's another feature is it comes with a cricket game, with bowling machine always bowling short and the punter toy tries to pull or hook but ends up knocking the ball to the only fielder placed in the leg side.

  • Saurav Ganguly on October 6, 2010, 11:59 GMT

    HaHaHaHaHa...that was hillarious Especially the Ojha part, he did look like a confused Puppy. Keep on writing, you are quite funny.

  • Sohi on October 6, 2010, 11:37 GMT

    It was Arun Lal who said that.

  • Srikanth on October 6, 2010, 10:23 GMT

    I will never purchase the punter doll because it will start spitting for all its worth.... what a sordid invention - a doll that spits.... dont you have better work Andrew????

  • Venkat on October 6, 2010, 9:48 GMT

    The best part of Ojha's innings was that he never dared to look Laxman's way after he was given an animated and mouthful.

  • Hari on October 6, 2010, 9:43 GMT

    Ravster..hahahahahaha...Thanks for that

  • Anonymous on October 6, 2010, 9:18 GMT

    poor writeup

  • Rahil on October 6, 2010, 9:06 GMT

    I would love to get my hands on Punter wind up doll. The best bit i liked is "you twist the nose and he goes around in circles" Funny but my dog does that when i twist his tail.

  • Anand on October 6, 2010, 9:01 GMT

    The piece on punter is the best I have read on cricinfo.

  • nitesh on October 6, 2010, 9:01 GMT

    nice 1 mate!

    "Ian Healy school of commentary" was nice touch!

  • Ravi Shastri on October 6, 2010, 8:59 GMT

    Dear Andrew,

    Words are like tracer bullets. They speed away as soon as you utter them. It is now my duty to sue you because you have wrongly defamed me. It was my protégé Arun Lal who mentioned quite rightly what he saw and felt. (I must say that I cannot blame you for thinking that it was indeed I).

    Enjoy

    Ravs

  • Chiggers on October 6, 2010, 8:50 GMT

    'Ricky Ponting Wind-Up Doll' - I shall be giggling away to myself all morning now! I do hope that you have captured that little face to perfection

  • kd777 on October 6, 2010, 8:49 GMT

    funny and relaxing.....especially the OJHA bit....and the attitude of Indian crowd....hilarious...

  • Ankan on October 6, 2010, 8:24 GMT

    hilarious.. :D

  • Andy2000 on October 6, 2010, 8:19 GMT

    Very hilarious. Couldn't stop laughing at ' Ojha looked like a guilty puppy who knew he has done something wrong but wasn't sure what'. Good work. Keep them coming.

  • Tattu on October 6, 2010, 7:10 GMT

    Funny, but you missed out on the commentary thing. It was Arun Lal with Brad Hogg and not Ravi Shastri.

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  • Tattu on October 6, 2010, 7:10 GMT

    Funny, but you missed out on the commentary thing. It was Arun Lal with Brad Hogg and not Ravi Shastri.

  • Andy2000 on October 6, 2010, 8:19 GMT

    Very hilarious. Couldn't stop laughing at ' Ojha looked like a guilty puppy who knew he has done something wrong but wasn't sure what'. Good work. Keep them coming.

  • Ankan on October 6, 2010, 8:24 GMT

    hilarious.. :D

  • kd777 on October 6, 2010, 8:49 GMT

    funny and relaxing.....especially the OJHA bit....and the attitude of Indian crowd....hilarious...

  • Chiggers on October 6, 2010, 8:50 GMT

    'Ricky Ponting Wind-Up Doll' - I shall be giggling away to myself all morning now! I do hope that you have captured that little face to perfection

  • Ravi Shastri on October 6, 2010, 8:59 GMT

    Dear Andrew,

    Words are like tracer bullets. They speed away as soon as you utter them. It is now my duty to sue you because you have wrongly defamed me. It was my protégé Arun Lal who mentioned quite rightly what he saw and felt. (I must say that I cannot blame you for thinking that it was indeed I).

    Enjoy

    Ravs

  • nitesh on October 6, 2010, 9:01 GMT

    nice 1 mate!

    "Ian Healy school of commentary" was nice touch!

  • Anand on October 6, 2010, 9:01 GMT

    The piece on punter is the best I have read on cricinfo.

  • Rahil on October 6, 2010, 9:06 GMT

    I would love to get my hands on Punter wind up doll. The best bit i liked is "you twist the nose and he goes around in circles" Funny but my dog does that when i twist his tail.

  • Anonymous on October 6, 2010, 9:18 GMT

    poor writeup