December 3, 2010

Adelaide Test 2010-11

Australia collapsed for the sake of cricket

Alan Tyers and Jarrod Kimber
Tim Nielsen answers questions from the media in Adelaide, Ashes, November 30, 2010
Tim Nielsen: he engineered that fine collapse for your delight, you know  © Getty Images
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Jarrod Kimber writes When Test cricket gets boring, people need a team to lead the way, and yet again Australia have filled that breach. Adelaide is usually the most boring Test of the year, so much so that most of the fans were out the back sipping expensive alcohol in the members’, or drinking cheap alcohol in the general public. Those fans missed the show that Australia put on.

Instead of letting Adelaide drip towards a soggy draw, they did everything in their power to ensure this Test will have a result. Because for better or worse, Australia play result cricket. It’s all part of Tim Nielsen’s cunning plan. He knows England want draws, and he isn’t going to give them that option. Just writing it down makes me proud to be Australian. What a truly magnificent country we are.

Alan Tyers writes Am I surprised that the Australian public were turning to drink as the baggy green comedy troupe mounted another clown masterclass? Of course not: I have met many Australians before, and I know that turning to drink comes as naturally to them as wearing shorts at a formal event, working in a pub in West London or not reading a book. But even for a nation less determinedly dipsomaniac than our antipodean cousins, the performances of Simon “You Mean We Can Run If He Hits It?” Katich, Michael “Hit, Hope And Sob” Clarke, and Ricky “Don’t Hate Me Cos I’m Angry” Ponting would have sent patriots running for the beer tents.

Australia appear to be a team on a mission. A mission to make England the best team they possibly can be. Australia are making good English bowlers look great; they are even falling victim to run-outs by English fielders, something that simply never happens. Through a mixture of selectorial foolishness and simple cricketing incompetence, they are managing to inspire England to hitherto unscaled heights of excellence. Perhaps they’re trying to cheer us up in FIFA World Cup bid stitch-up solidarity.

Jarrod replies Adelaide Oval is a beautiful place. I wouldn't expect a Pom, who probably spends all his time in depressing Old Trafford, to understand that Australians don't just want to watch the cricket, they want to enjoy the sunshine as well. It was a beautiful day, Australia opened up the game, beer and wine flowed, and the band played Terence Trent D’Arby out on the back lawn. A score of 245 can’t bring you down off that high.

Alan replies “We were rubbish at sport, but it doesn’t matter because we all had a grand day out”? Jarrod my friend, this is surely unconstitutional and could get you locked up in Oz? Still, never mind: at least the Australian captain wasn’t having any of this “taking a bad day in good grace” nonsense. I just hope there’s enough beer in Adelaide to dull the pain if things carry on like this for the rest of the Test…

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Posted by Soham on (December 5, 2010, 16:44 GMT)

Australia should be patient with their bowling attack. Xavier Dorthy doesnt bring anything into the game. Play HAuritz...and stick with the same bowling line up for few tests.

Batting line up they should look at Hughes and marsh along with warner and white... Clark and North should be dropped.

They lack confidence which they need to get back. Though i feel within a year or two Australia would stabilize.... 3rd test they should take some risk and try out this team..

S.Watson,Katich,Ponting,Callum Ferguson,Michael Hussey,Steven Smith, Brad Haddin,Siddle,Hauritz,Johnson,Hilfenhaus

Posted by Neil on (December 5, 2010, 14:43 GMT)

I also feel a bit for the Aussies. Not punter so much as Michael Clarke (class act, probably not fit) and Xavier Doherty (thrown in at the deep end).

Posted by bala on (December 5, 2010, 5:34 GMT)

Somehow Ive always wanted aussies to lose, but their performance has sent even someone like me into depression.I mean, watching any bowler toil for days without a wicket is painful.So now that the tables have turned and aussies are the underdogs Ive become an aussie suppporter.

Posted by Phil J on (December 4, 2010, 21:42 GMT)

Vallab writes:

"I am not sure why you think Australia is making them a better team"

Jarrod was actually joking ... it's called irony.

And Vipul, as a Pom I'd agree Oz is the best cricketing nation in the world, but that doesn't make your team the best in the world. The scoreboard doesn't lie ... at least, not all the time :)

Posted by James on (December 4, 2010, 17:37 GMT)

Oh dear, some of the comments here show just how culturally-specific humour is. Don't worry people, it's a joke! Quite funny to this Englishman at least.

Posted by Mohammad Zakaria Rahman on (December 4, 2010, 8:08 GMT)

I am a blind supporter of Australian Cricket Team. Now-a-days i am very much socked for their performance. Why they are not giving chance of some talent cricketer? I think that they should include Cameron White, David Hussy,David warner, Stuart clark, in test squad. The recent performance of Michael Clarke & Marcus North is very Poor. But Australian Selectors Are Selected them in squad. It is ridiculous. On the other hand, England's batting & bowling department is very strong. I think Australian selector should think more about their selection. Otherwise, They will lose the Ashes. Which i never want.

Posted by vipul on (December 4, 2010, 7:21 GMT)

Don't worry mate. Mention the word 'mate' in every sentence that you voice in Oz and rest will take care of itself.

Cheers to all the passionate aussies. We are the best cricketing nation in the world. Yippy.

Posted by cowee jones on (December 3, 2010, 23:42 GMT)

hey cricket fans and critic,please wait a little longer until the Aussies win this test.They will win the series also.

Posted by Balaji on (December 3, 2010, 22:12 GMT)

the aussie greats should have known not to gloat too much during their time in the sun. Someone has rightly said, be kind to people on your way up as you will them on your way down!! all the boorishness shown by the bullies will be paid back by each and every spectator. when the windies side weakened, the world was sad; however the world and its dog is willing this aussie side to fail. and mr. ponting wonders where its gone wrong. well I think he is a different batsman ever since that spell he faced from sharma in 2008...

Posted by Aditya on (December 3, 2010, 20:38 GMT)

Gotta say, Jarrod is neither rude in victory nor funny in defeat.

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