December 26, 2010

Gone fishing

“In a pond with no fish,” goes an old Russian saying, “a crab is a fish.” Twenty-first century Australian cricket throws up numerous variations on this

“In a pond with no fish,” goes an old Russian saying, “a crab is a fish.” Twenty-first century Australian cricket throws up numerous variations on this. Such as: in a pond with bugger all fit and capable opening batsmen, Shane Watson is an opening batsman.

To his credit, Watson is an opener whose plant-foot-and-plunder style of driving the ball has cemented in many of his countrymen’s hearts a warm sort of feeling. This feeling falls just short of affection. It is more a grudging, qualified trust, the kind that at 10.29 this morning persuaded the pink-shirted lad at Q23, on the fourth tier of the MCG’s Great Southern Stand, to lean in towards the blue-shirted lad next to him.

“Watto’s on strike,” announced the lad in pink, “so I’m pretty confident.”

For a couple of beats, the lads considered this and said nothing.

“Unless,” he added, “they duck one into his pads.”

Five runs, two spilt catches and 12 anxiety-laden deliveries it took. Except this ball didn’t duck in, it popped up instead. From Watto’s gloves to gully, the ball duly looped.

Out to the middle hustled skipper Ricky Ponting. Up on the giant screen flashed Ponting’s career average – 53.85 – a mere 0.01 shy of the great Greg Chappell. When the worries of age crinkled Chappell’s once-smooth brow, he relinquished the captaincy and slid down the batting order, freeing his mind for one last run-filled summer. Ponting would see that as timidity, as leaving his men in the lurch. And so, in a pond with no obvious alternative captain and no obvious alternative number three, Ponting is captain and number three.

The roaring applause of 84,000-odd well-wishers turned to a fretful 84,000-strong murmur for the second half of Ponting’s walk to the wicket. A near-trademark swivel pull took him from two runs to six – not quite trademark, in that instead of sailing high and handsome, this pull shot was punched low and safe. It suggested steely determination on Ponting’s part. Another swivel pull took him from 6 to 10 – but this one really was trademark, being a little higher than good sense dictated. It suggested determination was faltering. Without further ado, he thrust hard hands at an away-steepler he’d have been better off ignoring and departed in the now familiar way.

Boxing Day in Melbourne means a bumper day for phone companies. My first text message, sent on behalf of one-month-old Dylan, had landed while I was still on the route 96 tram: “Dylan says it will be Hussey to save the day again, if the day needs saving!”

But there is a limit to how many salvage jobs one previously out-of-form man can engineer. Soon Australia were four wickets down and wishing for the emergence through the gates of an unflappable, technically sound, tough-as-a-barndoor number six. Alas, in a pond with apparently no such number six, Steve Smith is a number six.

Today might go down as the day when reality finally sunk in: the pond, at this particular brief moment, is nigh on bare. Here’s another reality, even grimmer. Somewhere along the line, and it coincided roughly with the introduction of round-the-clock, finicky coaching methods, Australia’s elite batsmen lost the instinct and the know-how to guts things out on a sporty pitch.

Before long their bowlers were bowling on that same sporty pitch, a pitch where 10 Australian wickets had fallen to catches off the outside edge, and they were bowling to a field of two slips. Seeing that field setting of Ponting’s, those two pitiful slips… Well, that was the grimmest realisation of all. There was nothing left for it but to peer at the heavens, to peer and to pray and to invoke a half-remembered old Australian saying: “If it don’t rain for four days, we’ll all be rooned.”

Christian Ryan is a writer based in Melbourne. He is the author of Golden Boy: Kim Hughes and the Bad Old Days of Australian Cricket and, most recently Australia: Story of a Cricket Country

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  • testli5504537 on December 27, 2010, 0:36 GMT

    The pond is not really that bare - Andrew MacDonald or Callum Ferguson for Steve Smith (who while not yet Test standard has potential), Shaun Marsh or Phil Jacques for Phil Hughes. The problem is the selectors are "looking to the future" when what kept us at the top was picking seasoned Shield performers to replace retiring players (eg Hussey for Waugh, Clark for Gillespie). The youngsters simply don't know their own game yet. Also young up and comers have to be blooded sometime, but an Ashes series is not the time to do it.

  • testli5504537 on December 26, 2010, 15:47 GMT

    brilliant article!

  • testli5504537 on December 26, 2010, 13:25 GMT

    Never too late for Australia to come back to the basics. Play the best two specialist (test class) openers in the country- irrespective of their age and state for which they play. Also, need to play the best four middle class batsmen in the country- irrespective of their current form- probably Ponding, Hussey, Clarke and Haddin- or anyone else. Johnson could come in at seven, and Harris at 8. The other two pacers could be Bollinger and Hilfenhaus/Siddle/Lee. No. 11 could be the best spinner in the country- either Hauriz, Okeefe, Doherty,or--. What the team management has to do is to select their 11 and stick with them for at least two series. Make Haddin the captain, if needed, and allow them to perform to their potential. If they could be dominant for so long, class does not deteriorate in a day. Its all in the mind.

  • testli5504537 on December 26, 2010, 13:12 GMT

    Haha. Quite a humorous article. I love it. And yes, reality should have sunk in by now.

  • testli5504537 on December 26, 2010, 13:01 GMT

    This is one of the best articles you've written Chris. Which admittedly is not saying a great deal, but still, good article nonetheless. I do disagree with you on one point though, there are plenty of fish in the pond, but poor coaching and poorer selections mean that they're left floundering or spluttering, either plucked out of water too early or too late, or thrust into the deep end to struggle and ultimately fail.

  • testli5504537 on December 26, 2010, 12:10 GMT

    Smith is neither a 6 or a spinner so god only knows how he is in the team. Hughes is an ordinary player. As bad as North was, he gave the side more balance. Ditto with Hauritz. Selectors dropped the ball before the Gabba and the team has been paying the price ever since.

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