May 25, 2012

Watching MI fade, minus Morrison

Oh well, at least their theme song made it through
35

Like many franchise fans, over the last few weeks I’ve loaded up with IPL merchandise. My bathroom is well stocked with Preity Zinta’s Kings XI anti-bacterial wipes, my appliances are fitted with Deccan Chargers rechargeable batteries (charger no longer manufactured) and there’s a punnet of Royal Challengers strawberries in my fridge (each strawberry genetically engineered to take on the facial characteristics of a different player).

But I was most proud of my set of official IPL earplugs. Expertly moulded in luxurious ear-canal friendly foam, designed to fit snugly into even the gnarliest aural orifice, they are hand-painted with the logos of all nine franchises. This mint condition collection sat prominently on my shelf next to Ravi Shastri’s signed moustache comb and was going to be worth a fortune. Sadly it was not to be. Let me explain.

Over the last few weeks I have been training in the “Leaping Couch Potato” form of Kung Fu, and having reached Bruce Lee levels of agility, I can now dive across the room, snatch up the remote and depress the mute button in the time it takes a commentator to clear his throat. Thanks to these new skills, I have managed to avoid most of the output of the one-man noise pollution machine that is Mr Daniel Morrison.

Readers not familiar with his work may think I am exaggerating. I am not. Danny is a perfectly amiable chap but his commentary is an abomination. He emits short bursts of speech, each word emphasised in the rising tones of a manic game-show host with a faulty microphone who is forever going to commercial. Usually you have to fall foul of an oppressive government to end up suffering that kind of noise torture but IPL viewers get it for free.

So there I was, settled into my sofa, my phone unplugged, a fresh cup of Lady Grey on the side table and the Eliminator about to get underway, when I hear that Mr Morrison is warming up his vocal chords and will shortly be broadcasting. No problem. I turn to the velvet cushion where I keep my remote control. But it isn’t there. My blood runs cold. What can I do? I look around desperately but no joy. And now Danny is talking.

I say talking, but with just three games to go he has abandoned mere talking and is screaming random words and phrases into the microphone. “Boom!” “It’s all happening!” “Dancing shoes on!” “It’s RP Singh!” I withstood it for an over or two but then I cracked. With tears in my eyes I prised the Pune Warriors earplugs from their case and installed them. Naturally they didn’t work, so I used the CSK ones instead.

And from within my silent, Morrison-proof cocoon I witnessed the sad end to yet another Mumbai Indians IPL campaign. For an over or two things looked promising, but Dhoni was soon helicoptering Malinga into the crowd, and then Dwayne Smith ran out the little Master, which in IPL terms is like accidentally tripping up the Queen at an official garden party. Dwayne looked suitably mortified and in that moment all the hot air in the Mumbai blimp escaped with a melancholy sigh.

Still, although they are out, it isn’t all bad news. Mrs Ambani can at least console herself with the knowledge that her team’s song was the only one to get through the rigorous qualification process to make it onto the Hughes ringtone list. For the next three days, every time I get a call from my credit card company, I will hear the sound of “Duniya Hila Denge” and pause for a moment to think what might have been.

Andrew Hughes is a writer currently based in England

Comments have now been closed for this article

  • missing-a-bail on May 28, 2012, 17:08 GMT

    Chill out all you Morrison-haters!! Danny is the antithesis of all those boring wind-bags you have to suffer on the other broadcasts. Bless your crazy soul, Danny. Can't wait until you're on again.

  • Ashok Vasan on May 26, 2012, 9:53 GMT

    Andrew..I love Danny Morrison's commentary. As much as I love your writing!! Hmmmm..

  • Apologetic Kiwi on May 25, 2012, 20:49 GMT

    As a Kiwi I am deeply sorry for the national disgrace that is Danny Morrison. He makes watching the IPL a cringe worthy experience. The sad thing is his commentary career is only marginally worse than his playing career which is saying something. I can assure cricket fans that Morrison has never commentated NZ matches in NZ and I pray that he never will. The damage listening to him has done to cricket is of underarm levels. Is it possible to have him sent to Guantanamo Bay as an audible terrorist?

  • Giriraj on May 25, 2012, 19:32 GMT

    Nicely written article although i like danny he is a great entertainer all the mumbai jokes were terrific

  • Ratan on May 25, 2012, 18:53 GMT

    Brilliant article!! Unleashing of Danny on poor un-suspecting viewers seems to be a master-plan by BCCI. He is here to make otherwise irritating Shastri and Gavaskar look good!

  • njr1330 on May 25, 2012, 16:40 GMT

    About 30 years ago, Liverpool CC engaged a New Zealand fast bowler as their overseas player. He was quite good, but was overwhelmingly keen and loud and simply never stopped talking. His name was...er...Danny Morrison! Surely, no relation !

  • Bashir on May 25, 2012, 16:14 GMT

    Well said.....Danny 's commentary iz really annoying to say the least....when he say "and this time he goes over long on" he tries to make even a rubbish mistimed shot look like a perfectly timed Hashim Amla Back foot drive.....any way....to say the least he commentates as if he is commentating in WWE....come on DANNY its the game of gentlemen.....not some rubbish sport......i thought i was the only one noting Danny....Thank GOD you said it and said it well....

  • Samir on May 25, 2012, 14:19 GMT

    Among commentators, I like Rameez. He isn't too old worldly nor too over the top! Just the right blend that makes the IPL a convergence of entertainment yet as part of a cricketing discourse.

  • Shaun on May 25, 2012, 14:07 GMT

    I personally like his over the top antics. The IPL is cricket on steroids - why shouldn't the commentary be the same. I respect the commentary of TMS and Richie Benaud etc., and it appropriate for test cricket. But this is T20, and the IPL. We need pizazz, and oomph, not introspection, monotone and baritone!

    IT'S DANNY MORRISSON!!!

  • ars on May 25, 2012, 14:01 GMT

    Danny is the kind of commentator that makes you wish for Ravi Shastri. I wish the MEA would deny him a Visa next year :(

  • missing-a-bail on May 28, 2012, 17:08 GMT

    Chill out all you Morrison-haters!! Danny is the antithesis of all those boring wind-bags you have to suffer on the other broadcasts. Bless your crazy soul, Danny. Can't wait until you're on again.

  • Ashok Vasan on May 26, 2012, 9:53 GMT

    Andrew..I love Danny Morrison's commentary. As much as I love your writing!! Hmmmm..

  • Apologetic Kiwi on May 25, 2012, 20:49 GMT

    As a Kiwi I am deeply sorry for the national disgrace that is Danny Morrison. He makes watching the IPL a cringe worthy experience. The sad thing is his commentary career is only marginally worse than his playing career which is saying something. I can assure cricket fans that Morrison has never commentated NZ matches in NZ and I pray that he never will. The damage listening to him has done to cricket is of underarm levels. Is it possible to have him sent to Guantanamo Bay as an audible terrorist?

  • Giriraj on May 25, 2012, 19:32 GMT

    Nicely written article although i like danny he is a great entertainer all the mumbai jokes were terrific

  • Ratan on May 25, 2012, 18:53 GMT

    Brilliant article!! Unleashing of Danny on poor un-suspecting viewers seems to be a master-plan by BCCI. He is here to make otherwise irritating Shastri and Gavaskar look good!

  • njr1330 on May 25, 2012, 16:40 GMT

    About 30 years ago, Liverpool CC engaged a New Zealand fast bowler as their overseas player. He was quite good, but was overwhelmingly keen and loud and simply never stopped talking. His name was...er...Danny Morrison! Surely, no relation !

  • Bashir on May 25, 2012, 16:14 GMT

    Well said.....Danny 's commentary iz really annoying to say the least....when he say "and this time he goes over long on" he tries to make even a rubbish mistimed shot look like a perfectly timed Hashim Amla Back foot drive.....any way....to say the least he commentates as if he is commentating in WWE....come on DANNY its the game of gentlemen.....not some rubbish sport......i thought i was the only one noting Danny....Thank GOD you said it and said it well....

  • Samir on May 25, 2012, 14:19 GMT

    Among commentators, I like Rameez. He isn't too old worldly nor too over the top! Just the right blend that makes the IPL a convergence of entertainment yet as part of a cricketing discourse.

  • Shaun on May 25, 2012, 14:07 GMT

    I personally like his over the top antics. The IPL is cricket on steroids - why shouldn't the commentary be the same. I respect the commentary of TMS and Richie Benaud etc., and it appropriate for test cricket. But this is T20, and the IPL. We need pizazz, and oomph, not introspection, monotone and baritone!

    IT'S DANNY MORRISSON!!!

  • ars on May 25, 2012, 14:01 GMT

    Danny is the kind of commentator that makes you wish for Ravi Shastri. I wish the MEA would deny him a Visa next year :(

  • ish on May 25, 2012, 13:58 GMT

    Dear Andy, i enjoy reading your blog and listening to Danny's commentary both alike. As u have your own style of writing, Danny has his own style of commentary. As u go your way, let him go his way!

  • Neeraj on May 25, 2012, 13:11 GMT

    He is loud admitted, but I find him amusing :) Way better than some boring comentators. BTW nice write up :) Specially the 'one man...'

  • Ruchit on May 25, 2012, 12:49 GMT

    You know, we've seen fixing scandals, umpire problems, player salary troubles, ICC rule changes, moreover, we've seen the game transform itself to fit the public's demands AND YET we have not seen Cricket do something about those pesky little commentators. The entertaining and bearable ones seem to have been sent back home (Pommie Mbangwa, Simon Doul, Kepler Wessels, Manjerekar), and the horrible ones have been retained (Shastri, Gavaskar, LAXMAN SIVARAMA KRISHNAN and Bhogle). Commentating on Indian television, the most watched, is nothing less than an insult to world Cricket. From their repetitive expressions "like a tracer bullet", "that's outta here!" and "what a shot, what a shot", to their illogical explanations, "T20 is great, IPL is great, BCCI is great, Test matches will thus flourish as a result", it still surprises me as to why people tolerate them. The mute button would be my best friend for sure, that's if I ever watch the most damnable form of Cricket there is.

  • Krishna on May 25, 2012, 12:18 GMT

    I think you have got Danny boy down to the last 'It's RP Singh!' scream. I too reach for the remote when I hear that voice. Is there a way we can do some 'spot fixing' to get rid of Danny by next year's IPL?

  • Yameen on May 25, 2012, 12:07 GMT

    I like the way he says 'double R'...

  • Natesan M on May 25, 2012, 11:50 GMT

    Yeah nice "article". And i'm sure these comments are from avid IPL followers. If you guys don't like IPL there is always the test match between whosit and whatsit.

  • Baskar on May 25, 2012, 11:44 GMT

    After the torture due to the team's on field performance over the last 2 test series in England and Australia, India fans are in for another in the form of Danny Morrison coming onboard for the NZ tour in August as a commentator. God save the Indian cricket fan!!!!

  • Prasad on May 25, 2012, 10:32 GMT

    Fine fine article Andy. You just reproduced what's going through many fan's mind. Danny Morrison with no respect to him as a player, is a disgrace in the commentary box. He wants to be on the limelight with ultimate pretention and 0 instinct. He seems to forgot the basics of commenting. What a clown. Mbangwa is next on the list.

    Hope Bill Lawry, Ian Chappel and Richie Benaud will get a leaf or two from Danny's reportoire. NOT.

  • Mani on May 25, 2012, 10:23 GMT

    'Its RP Singh'... Brilliant...!!!

  • jb on May 25, 2012, 10:22 GMT

    This is great article. He really is getting too over the top. Makes me embarrassed to be a Kiwi.

  • Osmund Saddler on May 25, 2012, 10:11 GMT

    Yeah he`s loud and comes across as a wanna be comedian but he`s still better than the monotonous Shastri and completely bland Gavaskar...

  • Sarath on May 25, 2012, 9:45 GMT

    Lol... And well, you forgot to mention Laxman Sivaramakrishnan! He makes me cringe whenever he is on air! I think he is the reason why so many people hate CSK!!

  • Yaa_right on May 25, 2012, 9:16 GMT

    Good evening 'Bengalu'....'ru'..... I am 'Danny Morrison'......with a double 'n' and double 'r' :) :) .......God, he's the most lively and restless commentator ever!!! (tony greig is almost in same league)

  • VIKAS KAUSHIK on May 25, 2012, 9:13 GMT

    Nicely written but I believe if IPL is enterntainment then Danny Morrison is ShahRukh Khan. He is entertaining and funny. Danny Morrison for commentary is same as Billy Bowden is to umpiring. No offence though !!

  • Darrell Eastlake is back... on May 25, 2012, 9:08 GMT

    Twelfth Man, the final dig; listening with avid attention and empathising with the listeners of this fictitious world.... I said to myself "imagine listening to either Max Walker or Darrell 'HUGGGGE' Eastlake". I chuckled, innocently... playfully....... unknowingly.

    Fast forward (x) years --> IPL 2012. Enter, Danny Morrisson.

    I am a firm believer in the laws of Karma. oh' how much I must have sinned in the past, to be put through the torture of the real life Darrell Eastlake... the screams, the phrases, the bellows of "THIS GUY" and "THAT GUY" as he describes the crickets with such explicit accuracy.

    and just to drive the coffin nail that inch bit deeper.. its all in a kiwi accent.

    @Andrew Hughes - best pseudo cricket article I have come across this year. props :)

  • Sagir Parkar on May 25, 2012, 9:05 GMT

    absolutely brilliant encapsulation of Danny Morrison's vocal prowess !!! i watched a match the other day where he started the pre-match productions with such a ferocious bellowing that would have made a T-Rex proud !

    have thoroughly enjoyed reading your IPL blog.. as entertaining as the IPL itself, perhaps even more ;)

  • Karan on May 25, 2012, 8:18 GMT

    The shrillness of the IPL is indeed painful and Danny Morrison fits in there quite nicely... to truly comprehend the levels of absurdity, try flicking the channel between the IPL and the Eng WI test match...watching the test will be like cooling balm to your senses and if you are lucky, you will forget about the IPL entirely under the hypnotic rantings of Michael Holding

  • Phaedrus on May 25, 2012, 8:13 GMT

    Morrison reminds me of that evil promoter, that seedy circus-master and that fake game show host that you rightly compared him with. He thinks that his decibels translate into excitement for the audience - even when the ball goes to the boundary and the batsmen trudge along for two, its a phenomenal occurrence in the Morrison world which must be shouted out at the top of his voice as if somebody had scored a goal in stoppage time in a world cup final. The guy is not only ridiculous but plain obnoxious - the happy hacker of all that is elegant about the game of cricket. May he be the last one of his tribe.

  • Saurabh on May 25, 2012, 8:06 GMT

    "one-man noise pollution machine that is Mr Daniel Morrison" Hilarious :)

  • Deoashish on May 25, 2012, 7:54 GMT

    What an article? Lovely, the same happens to me while watching IPL, usually my daughter, 3 months old is sleeping, but then Mr.Morrisson walks into the commentators' box and wreaks havoc, not only in the ears of the players - connected through MIC, but also in my home, my daughter wakes up, starts crying, after seeing her cry my family starts up all the noises that could-would-should put her to sleep again. And then you perhaps know the rest... Mr. Morrisson should be banned from entering Commentators box for lifetime, just like SRK was banned from entering MCA's Wankhede stadium.

    In case he is trying to imitate Geoffrey Boycotts, he would never be able to do it.

  • Sushamna on May 25, 2012, 7:32 GMT

    Hear Hear

  • abdul on May 25, 2012, 6:59 GMT

    Huges u always make happens things through the comic way I can still hear the song of "Duniya Hila Denge" earplugs of pune sooooo funny

  • Surj on May 25, 2012, 6:41 GMT

    Its hilarious, especially the combination of Mrs Ambani, “Duniya Hila Denge” and credit card company in the same para.

  • simon waters on May 25, 2012, 6:34 GMT

    well said. my favourite piece of Morrisoneese?

    'he's gone big!!!! its massive!!! and caught at wide mid on.' the last bit was said only slightly less loud and the wonderful thing was, he seems to already have forgotten the proceeding words.

    The world just will not be the same without him. Thank (insert diety of your choice here).

  • hasan on May 25, 2012, 5:52 GMT

    LOL! Human behaviour never ceases to amaze me Andy. I have seen some weird stuff in my days and this Kiwi transition from a hostile fast bowler to a flop wanna be clown is right up there. But he aint alone. There's some serious competition and is now knocking on the door step, Dermot Reeve. :) There seems to be some sort of competition going on between Danny and Reeve for the honourable title of "the most overly annoying person to ever reside in a commentary box." Both of them shout frequently in the mic, try too hard to be funny and like to think that they have developed a niche market with the viewers who dont understand the game and just watch IPL for pretty cheerleaders. The stunt of wearing colourful punk wigs in the commentary box during the MI-CSK game was one of the most desperate attempts for attention i have ever seen on TV. And the look on Manjrekar's face just said it all :)

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  • hasan on May 25, 2012, 5:52 GMT

    LOL! Human behaviour never ceases to amaze me Andy. I have seen some weird stuff in my days and this Kiwi transition from a hostile fast bowler to a flop wanna be clown is right up there. But he aint alone. There's some serious competition and is now knocking on the door step, Dermot Reeve. :) There seems to be some sort of competition going on between Danny and Reeve for the honourable title of "the most overly annoying person to ever reside in a commentary box." Both of them shout frequently in the mic, try too hard to be funny and like to think that they have developed a niche market with the viewers who dont understand the game and just watch IPL for pretty cheerleaders. The stunt of wearing colourful punk wigs in the commentary box during the MI-CSK game was one of the most desperate attempts for attention i have ever seen on TV. And the look on Manjrekar's face just said it all :)

  • simon waters on May 25, 2012, 6:34 GMT

    well said. my favourite piece of Morrisoneese?

    'he's gone big!!!! its massive!!! and caught at wide mid on.' the last bit was said only slightly less loud and the wonderful thing was, he seems to already have forgotten the proceeding words.

    The world just will not be the same without him. Thank (insert diety of your choice here).

  • Surj on May 25, 2012, 6:41 GMT

    Its hilarious, especially the combination of Mrs Ambani, “Duniya Hila Denge” and credit card company in the same para.

  • abdul on May 25, 2012, 6:59 GMT

    Huges u always make happens things through the comic way I can still hear the song of "Duniya Hila Denge" earplugs of pune sooooo funny

  • Sushamna on May 25, 2012, 7:32 GMT

    Hear Hear

  • Deoashish on May 25, 2012, 7:54 GMT

    What an article? Lovely, the same happens to me while watching IPL, usually my daughter, 3 months old is sleeping, but then Mr.Morrisson walks into the commentators' box and wreaks havoc, not only in the ears of the players - connected through MIC, but also in my home, my daughter wakes up, starts crying, after seeing her cry my family starts up all the noises that could-would-should put her to sleep again. And then you perhaps know the rest... Mr. Morrisson should be banned from entering Commentators box for lifetime, just like SRK was banned from entering MCA's Wankhede stadium.

    In case he is trying to imitate Geoffrey Boycotts, he would never be able to do it.

  • Saurabh on May 25, 2012, 8:06 GMT

    "one-man noise pollution machine that is Mr Daniel Morrison" Hilarious :)

  • Phaedrus on May 25, 2012, 8:13 GMT

    Morrison reminds me of that evil promoter, that seedy circus-master and that fake game show host that you rightly compared him with. He thinks that his decibels translate into excitement for the audience - even when the ball goes to the boundary and the batsmen trudge along for two, its a phenomenal occurrence in the Morrison world which must be shouted out at the top of his voice as if somebody had scored a goal in stoppage time in a world cup final. The guy is not only ridiculous but plain obnoxious - the happy hacker of all that is elegant about the game of cricket. May he be the last one of his tribe.

  • Karan on May 25, 2012, 8:18 GMT

    The shrillness of the IPL is indeed painful and Danny Morrison fits in there quite nicely... to truly comprehend the levels of absurdity, try flicking the channel between the IPL and the Eng WI test match...watching the test will be like cooling balm to your senses and if you are lucky, you will forget about the IPL entirely under the hypnotic rantings of Michael Holding

  • Sagir Parkar on May 25, 2012, 9:05 GMT

    absolutely brilliant encapsulation of Danny Morrison's vocal prowess !!! i watched a match the other day where he started the pre-match productions with such a ferocious bellowing that would have made a T-Rex proud !

    have thoroughly enjoyed reading your IPL blog.. as entertaining as the IPL itself, perhaps even more ;)