What cricket can learn from the football World Cup

If some reports are to be believed, cricket is losing popularity. Television viewership is dipping faster than a Diego Forlan freekick, live audiences are dropping like a skier being chased by RP Singh, and sponsors are becoming harder to find than Lalit Modi on Shashank Manohar's Facebook friends list.

It is time for the ICC to wake up and inject new life into the game. And what better way to do this than rip off a few ideas from that other stellar organisation, FIFA? FIFA understands better than anyone that in order to conduct a successful tournament you need the sideshows, the controversies and the hype.

Here are some ideas from the recently concluded football World Cup that can be used to revive cricket's popularity.

Get slimy creatures that are clueless about the game to make predictions on the match results. And we mean jellyfish, newts or eels, not TV commentators or Bollywood celebrities.

Get mad, charismatic former players to coach the teams. Learn from Maradona. It would hugely improve the World Cup if guys like Greg Matthews, Sarfraz Nawaz and Phil Tufnell were coaching their teams, kissing their players, picking fights with Kapil Dev and then apologising randomly to Allan Border, and promising to run around naked if their teams win. In fact, Shane Warne might even promise to run around naked regardless of the eventual winner, just because he wants to. What would you rather have? Gary Kirsten taking notes on a brown pad?

Design a crazy, floaty new ball with unpredictable physics. Cricket needs its very own Jabulani. What fun it would be to see square cuts sailing over mid-on and on-drives racing past third man, even when the batsman isn't Roelof Van Der Merwe. Additionally, this would lead to huge publicity considering someone will invariably accuse Pakistan of ball-tampering.

Bring back Steve Bucknor. What's a World Cup without some crummy officiating to spice things up and generate endless media coverage? Once Bucknor returns to team up with his old mate Rudi Koetzen, they can do for cricket what Jorge Larrionda and Roberto Rosetti did for the footy. The ICC could even equip the umpires with football-inspired yellow and red cards, which in the hands of a creative official could be used to create tremendous publicity. Imagine Bucknor abruptly sending off Virat Kohli, with India needing five off three with two wickets in hand. The look on Kohli's face would alone be worth the ticket price. The card system would also help the umpires deal firmly with the more unpleasant aspects of the game, such as sledging, cheating and Sreesanth.

Spice up wicket celebrations. High fives and aeroplane runs are old hat. Footballers often celebrate by sending out personal messages in the form of gestures. Cricket could do with some of that. Like Shoaib Malik miming out a first-round exit from Wimbledon. Or Scott Styris taking off his shirt to reveal a tribute message to Gavin Larsen. Or MS Dhoni kissing his endorsement contract.

Get real stars to perform at the opening and closing ceremonies. Football gets Shakira. Cricket gets Lionel Richie, Ali Campbell, and a badly lip-syncing Akon. Dear cricket administrators, please stop licking your lips at the news that Ace of Base has made a comeback. It's not going to work. We'd rather sit through a duet performed by Lalit Modi and Jacob Zuma.