Nana Boycs

Like a certain former England captain, she has a degree in people

How can captains deal with criticism?

The answer to this and other burning questions, provided by our in-house agony aunt

Nana Boycs

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Harbhajan Singh and Virat Kohli embrace after combining to dismiss AB de Villiers, India v South Africa, Group B, World Cup, Nagpur, March 12, 2011
Harbhajan Singh: building character in team-mates for over a decade now © Getty Images

I have been invited to take part in a reality show where I have to live in a jungle for a month. I've been told being in an Indian dressing room gives me adequate preparation. Should I accept? asks Y Singh
Ah, "reality" television - the sliced bread of the entertainment industry - where we either watch ordinary people make extraordinary fools of themselves or see famous people look like fools doing ordinary things. If you're no longer in the Indian dressing room and have no hope of returning to it within the next month or so, head to the jungle, I say. And yes, if you've shared a dressing room with Harbhajan Singh, you are equipped to deal with all the horrors Mother Nature can unleash on you.

I'm going on my first tour of India and am really nervous about the food. Should I carry baked beans? asks Nervous Eater
India is polluted enough without your adding to it by way of noxious fumes via beans. I suggest a diet of local yoghurt and rice - boring as the freckles on Ian Bell's face but guaranteed to make your stomach function as efficiently as the German gymnastics team at the 1936 Olympics.

I want to become a cricket-themed rapper. Will the fact that I support NZ affect my credibility? "You can see the power coursing through my iris / Pick it up, hit for six like Scott Styris / Got yellow fever don't mean the virus / Strutting my stuff like Billy Ray Cyrus" asks Paul Garvey
Dear Paul, thank you for the rap. My bowels performed a tectonic plate-like shift while reading it, so no bran biscuits needed tonight. Actually, your allegiance should help you. Our local emcee tells me that the best rap songs are written by those who had troubled childhoods and unfulfilled dreams. Supporting New Zealand ticks those boxes, doesn't it?

I am sick and tired of my captaincy decisions being questioned and criticised by pundits and fans all the time. How can I put a stop to it? asks Mess Doughney
Divert their attention. Scientists have proved that human beings are distracted by shiny objects. Of course that's when they were trying to explain road accidents, but the theory can be applied elsewhere too. Several international cricket teams have already employed such tactics. Sri Lanka have Malinga, West Indies have Gayle, India have Sreesanth (who, of course, is losing his marbles and thus his shininess), Australia have misunderstood the instructions and are just banking on Shane Watson's blondness, and Pakistan have clearly put whatever they've chosen right in Kamran Akmal's line of vision.

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Nana Boycs was speaking to Samantha Pendergrast in a place whose name ends in "shire"

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Comments: 5 
Posted by VSandeepReddy on (March 18, 2011, 3:28 GMT)

Kamran Akmal's line of vision - shining replica of world cup in the hands of z haider.

Posted by xylo on (March 17, 2011, 10:25 GMT)

Mess Doughney! nice name selection!!

Posted by   on (March 17, 2011, 10:04 GMT)

he he ... funny. Nice one :)

Posted by   on (March 17, 2011, 9:33 GMT)

Somebody regularly rubs butter in my gloves and that why nothing seems to stick to them except flies. What should I do? Ramazan Ajmal

Posted by BudhaWillSmile on (March 17, 2011, 7:12 GMT)

who is Nana Boycs? Is he/she anyways related to Geofrey Boycot

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