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Meet the England side

It's not just the three captains. Every man has a proper and well defined designation in the hierarchy

Alex Bowden

Comments: 18 | Text size: A | A
Jonathan Trott reached 1000 ODI runs in his 21st innings, equalling the record held by Kevin Pietersen and Viv Richards, England v Ireland, World Cup 2011, Bangalore, March 2, 2011
Jonathan Trott: chief designer of rigorously painstaking pre-delivery preparatory manoeuvres and alignments © Getty Images
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Andy Flower - team director
Responsible for monitoring key performance indicators for all staff, specifically the chief business metrics of "runs" and "wickets".

Andrew Strauss - Test captain
Responsible for Test team. Establishes brand identity and corporate legacy. Also serves as human response communications orchestrator.

Alastair Cook - one-day captain and Test vice-captain
Responsible for one-day team. Reports to Test captain. Provides business security and facilitates long-term planning.

Stuart Broad - Twenty20 captain and one-day vice-captain
Responsible for Twenty20 team. Reports to one-day captain. Also serves as innovation facilitator.

Ian Bell - Twenty20 vice-captain and senior batting executive
Responsible for bat-grip management and linseed-oil supply chain.

Jonathan Trott - associate batting project manager
Responsible for redefining run-targets in real-time and managing on-field orientation aids.

Paul Collingwood - senior chief outfield systems co-ordinator
An independent, advisory role. Responsible for data sourcing and analysis in the fielding sphere. Makes field-solution recommendations to senior management figures on an ongoing basis. A part-time position, this role also ensures there is cover for the associate batting project manager.

Matt Prior - executive outfield administrator and assistant strategy co-ordinator
Responsible for ongoing execution of ball entrapment. Also expected to contribute in the fields of on-field and off-field field enhancement to ensure superior cross-field fielder utilisation in the leg-field and off-field fields when in the field.

Ravi Bopara - junior batting operative
Responsible for batting.

Eoin Morgan - creative batsmanship developer
A new role that has been added within the batting unit. Responsible for bringing challenging batting innovation to the team within the parameters of our core values. This is currently a part-time position.

James Anderson - senior bowling administration supervisor
Responsible for managing both red and white ball maintenance. Also serves as chief liaison officer, enabling communication between the bowling unit and senior management. This part of the role demands expert translation and interpersonal skills.

Graeme Swann - chief innovator for spin
A broad and far-reaching role. Assists the senior bowling administration director. Responsible for improving staff morale. Also serves as spin project leader.

Chris Tremlett - lead bowling officer
Responsible for ensuring consistent delivery of bowling objective of consistent delivery of deliveries when bowling. Also entrusted with the retrieval of all business equipment stored on high shelves.

Steven Finn - junior bowling officer
Provides cover for the above. Also responsible for on-field hydration.

Tim Bresnan - central bowling solutions optimisation facilitator
Responsible for seam bowling functionality, swing-bowling programme implementation, line-bowling direction configuration, length-bowling quality assurance and for acquisition of nice snacks for tea breaks.

Luke Wright - junior assistant cricket development trainee
A temporary role demanding great flexibility. Responsibilities to be determined by senior management figures daily according to the most pressing business goals. This is not, generally speaking, an opposition-facing position.

Kevin Pietersen - job title to be confirmed
Reports to all of the above.

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket. The"facts" in this piece are all made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

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© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 18 
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Posted by ananth on (May 16, 2011, 13:39 GMT)

Sounds so much like the organization that i work for.

Posted by VINEET on (May 14, 2011, 8:08 GMT)

Loved the Trott bit just below his pic....Aptly written!!!!Good & a funny article...Keep it up......

Posted by Bryn on (May 14, 2011, 4:10 GMT)

all this does is remind me that there are so many terrible players and such lack of decent players in all england sides. and that england are a joke.

Posted by Dummy4 on (May 14, 2011, 3:47 GMT)

I think every cricket team should be as structured and well defined as this one. As a student of Lean process improvement, I know this system works. The lines between the corprate and sports worlds are merging!

Posted by Dummy4 on (May 14, 2011, 1:01 GMT)

Simply brilliant. India on the other hand probably would have very traditional role definitions -- Dhoni - King; Sachin - Old wizard, Fletcher - Chief Counsel. Others are the king's subjects.

Posted by Vikram on (May 14, 2011, 0:23 GMT)

Excellent! You could have also added their responsibilities in the twitterosphere.

Posted by Sagir on (May 13, 2011, 18:31 GMT)

loved the KP bit.... i reckon it should also come with a statement that the selection of the members has been in keeping with the recruitment policy and that there has been no discrimination against non-English personnel ;)

Posted by Daham on (May 13, 2011, 11:52 GMT)

Advance-Australia-Fair (and anyone else with the attention span of a pigeon), it was a parody of middle management in today's business world, relating to cricket - 'not enough funny jokes' is missing the point entirely.

Posted by Dummy4 on (May 13, 2011, 11:45 GMT)

Hilarious! abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz! 25! phew!

Posted by Arun on (May 13, 2011, 11:19 GMT)

Very very hilarious. Chris Tremlett's 'Job Description' is the best..."...consistent delivery of bowling objective of consistent delivery of deliveries when bowling..." really

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