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Tendulkar hit by mid-life crisis

Batsman's behaviour turns erratic after reaching milestone

R Rajkumar

Comments: 52 | Text size: A | A
Sachin Tendulkar receives treatment after hurting his finger, India v Pakistan, Asia Cup, Mirpur, March 18, 2012
Team-mates look around in embarrassment after Tendulkar insists some "hip-hoppy" rings are brought on to the field for him to wear when he bowls © AFP
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Players/Officials: Virat Kohli | Sachin Tendulkar
Teams: India

Not only is Sachin Tendulkar supposedly batting with more freedom after finally achieving the long-awaited milestone of a hundred hundreds, he appears to have taken his new-found lease on life off the pitch as well, in ways that some observers warn resembles a mid-life crisis.

Tendulkar was recently sighted at a tattoo parlour in one of Dhaka's largest malls. "I feel like a new man," he said, clapping his hands and addressing no one in particular. "It's like this huge weight has been lifted off my chest, and now I get to tattoo it."

Then, despite none in the assembled crowd of mostly horrified teenagers requesting him to do anything of the sort, Tendulkar removed his Metallica t-shirt to reveal the tattoo of what appeared to be a screaming eagle astride a flaming comet from hell on his freshly waxed chest. Tendulkar revealed the design had been suggested to him by new best friend Virat Kohli.

"Yeah it's true, we've become, like, BFFs [Best Friends Forever] ever since Sachin-sir got his hundredth hundred," said a slightly bemused Kohli, who was on an adjacent table getting a tattoo of Virat Kohli across his back ("Look, I just wanted to get something that inspired me").

"I told you not to call me Sachin-sir," said Tendulkar, playfully wagging a finger at Kohli. "I just want to be thought of as a regular guy, as the average multimillionaire boy next door. Obviously, 'sir' will not do. I'd rather be called… well, why don't you tell them, Virat."

"'Sach-Dawg'," muttered Kohli, looking away. "He wants me to call him 'Sach-Dawg'."

"Oh, are you looking at my hair?" Tendulkar squealed at a frightened girl. "Well, thank you for noticing, and, why, yes, I did get it permed yesterday, and today we're getting it highlighted, isn't that right, Virat?" There was no response from Kohli, who appeared to be wincing in pain.

Meanwhile back at the team hotel, Tendulkar's wife was seen enquiring after her husband's whereabouts.

"I just don't know what's come over him," she said. "He's been acting so strange of late. I hope he and Virat aren't getting into any more trouble. Just last night they were caught by stadium security spreading superglue on the toilet seats of the opposition dressing room. He's acting like a ten-year-old. It's like he's Virat's age all of a sudden."

The Indian team management is said to have made a request to the BCCI to rope in the services of renowned sports psychologist Rudi Webster, who, among other things, has in the recent past helped the Kolkata Knight Riders' players overcome the crushing reality of having to explain to people they respect that Shah Rukh Khan owns their team.

"It's quite possible that Sachin's in shock," said Webster. "The pressure of getting the hundred built up to such a degree that, when it finally came, its impact upon his psyche has made him act out in ways that are otherwise safely suppressed.

"The best way to deal with someone like this is to humour him until it subsides."

Tendulkar was last seen running up to the Pakistan players while they were at dinner and sledging them for hours on end, in an apparent attempt to purge his system of more than two decades worth of pent-up invective.

R Rajkumar tweets here

All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

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Posted by Dummy4 on (March 23, 2012, 18:32 GMT)

what does it matter if India wins or loses CB Series ,Natwest Series Asia Cup? They are playing way too much cricket to make these tournaments of any worth. What is worth is the WC. India reached Semis in 96, finals in 03 11. Sachin was the highest run getter in all three for India and highest overall in the last two. i still turn off the television when he gets out, I do not care if India Loses , I want him to score the century again and again and again.

Posted by Vinod on (March 22, 2012, 5:58 GMT)

you forgot to inject humor into this article.

Posted by ARUN on (March 21, 2012, 15:06 GMT)

It can be agreed that before 10 to 12 yrs, Tendulkar carried team india(innings) on a few occasions. But later with Saurav taking over as captain and under Dhoni it became more of a team effort which made watching cricket a pleasure. But more recently its team India carrying the ever increasing weight of Sachin. He should have quit immediately after the world cup to pave the way for the upcoming youngsters.

Posted by ARUN on (March 21, 2012, 15:04 GMT)

No matter whatever articles you put up here, the following facts listed below should be an eye opener for all the Sachin fans and Sachin himself -

High time for Sachin to retire. His century cost India the berth in the Asia cup finals. He wasted more than 5 overs to notch his personal landmark and in the process the team lost that match. So out and out, it was one of the worst centuries he would have scored - he scored his 100th century against Bangladesh after failing against England, WI and Australia. He had to score it in Bangladesh and not as he would have actually wanted to do in India, Aus or England(Lords). He scored it at a strike rate of less than 80%(PATHETIC) that too against a team like Bangladesh when the average score of a team on the ground for the tournament is 110%.

Posted by Aqeel on (March 21, 2012, 6:41 GMT)

What a pitty.. A team chasing down a huge total of 330 with some outstanding batting and then packing their luggage to go back home watching their Rivals, expectedly lifting the Asia Cup Trophy.. We missed it.. India Pakistan final would have been a warm warm match. . AN incredible one.. The one, whole world eagerly waits for. I can't understand indian boards mentality. If you can beat Pakistan, and you can, then why dont you play with them. Any how. Good Bye Team India.. Now see Pak winning on TV... Its much better for you to see Pak winning instead of watching it in the ground standing as the losers... :)

Posted by Faraz on (March 21, 2012, 6:21 GMT)

Who are Match Winner's, Record says it all…. Tendulkar 51- Test 100's IND has won 20 Matches Ponting 41-Test 100's AUS has won 27 Matches Kallis 41-Test 100's SA has won 19 Matches Inzamam-ul-Haq 25-Test 100's Pak has won 17 Matches

Posted by Azam on (March 21, 2012, 5:23 GMT)

cant be True Man. I am Not Indian But Still Huge fan of Sachin Wonderful Gift of God to Cricket

Posted by Nafiz on (March 21, 2012, 4:40 GMT)

This type of fun is as like as crossing the limit.

Posted by Dummy4 on (March 21, 2012, 4:10 GMT)

For those who love sachin more than indian team this article may sound offensive... for genuine Cricket lovers like us this is hilarious...

Posted by SUNIL on (March 21, 2012, 4:04 GMT)

If this is made up facts..then this is an lousy way of writing for fun..!!

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