The Heavy Ball

This, that and the other. Mostly the other

IPL window found broken, and other reports

Frankly unbelievable cricket reports from the last few days

R Rajkumar

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Shakib Al Hasan speaks ahead of the Asia Cup opener, Mirpur, March 10, 2012
"...And South Africa won't be able to face us at all anymore" © AFP
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DNA of spin bowlers to be cryo-preserved in Nordic storage vault
Following the ICC's recent move to further limit the number of fielders allowed outside the 30-yard circle in Twenty20 matches, the ever-magnanimous and forward-thinking nation of Norway has proposed adding an extra wing to its famed Svalbard Global Seed Vault. In place of seeds, the Müttiāh Mürælïtharan wing of the state-funded project will store the DNA of spin bowlers of every existing variation, as insurance against their possible extinction. South African spinner Paul "Gogga" Adams, who holds the distinction of being the only bowler in the world with his own bowling category ("Left-arm WTF"), has been chosen to curate the project.

IPL window found broken
The much-discussed IPL window has been found broken by vandals, according to reports coming in from BCCI headquarters. "Someone threw a stone from what appeared to be a passing glass house," said IPL commissioner Rajiv Shukla. "I don't want to cast aspersions or make any libellous allegations at this stage. We'll just let the investigation take its course, which no doubt will point to incontrovertible proof that hired goons by the ECB and/or ICC are responsible for this act of sabotage." Mr Shukla went on to say that the incident had only deepened the resolve of the BCCI to get the ICC to allot the IPL its own window, and that otherwise, "the terrorists win".

Chris Gayle back in West Indies team
Just what it says in the headline.

Two-bouncer rule in ODI cricket
The proposed addition of the two-bouncer rule in ODI cricket has both batsmen and bowlers scratching their heads. Fast bowlers, especially, are moaning about how much energy it takes to bowl one bouncer an over, let alone two. Vertically challenged wicketkeepers have also been voicing their concerns about the new law. "Oh, that's just great," Parthiv Patel was overheard saying while standing behind someone. Can't be sure if it was even Parthiv, to be honest.

South Africa replaces Boxing Day Test with T20
South Africa has decided to replace the traditional Boxing Day Test with a T20 to coincide with the planned refurbishment of the Nelson Mandela Museum in Qunu, the village where the South African statseman spent his childhood, into an IKEA shopping centre.

Rohit Sharma plays for India A
Rohit Sharma put in a star turn in the recent India A Test match against West Indies A. Sharma's surprise inclusion in the A team means that he occupies the unique position of being both a current India player, who would normally be selected for national team duty, as well as a former player trying to come back into the national team. When asked to comment on his situation, Sharma exploded messily.

Bangladesh fish for different mascot
Bangladesh are said to be mulling alternative mascot options, having been advised by a leading sports psychologist that the tiger might be overdoing things a bit.

So what mascots are they thinking of adopting instead?

"The hilsa," said enthusiastic cricket fan and prime minister of Bangladesh, Sheikh Hasina. "It's our national dish. It's a fish. It's a fish dish. When served whole, it tends to resemble Tony Greig with his head thrown back, picking his teeth after a meal. So we've got that going for us. Also, these fish have tons of spiky bones. They are notoriously very difficult to eat. We love it. Imagine the headlines now: 'Pakistan bite off more than it can chew, comes away with a mouth full of bones.' I know, it practically writes itself."

Pietersen actually a natural left-hander
Now that he has retired from all forms of limited-overs cricket, Kevin Pietersen has revealed that he was actually a natural left-hander all along, and that he was only pretending to be right-handed so he could look good playing the switch hit. "Nick Knight had no idea about this, either," Pietersen tweeted.

R Rajkumar tweets here

All quotes and some "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 5 
Posted by   on (June 14, 2012, 9:09 GMT)

But what is the value of Shakib's photo?

Posted by   on (June 11, 2012, 18:29 GMT)

haha, awesome article! Except for one minor blip about the quote from the BD PM. I doubt she knows who Tony Greig is, let alone having the vocabulary to construct that "complicated" sentence all by herself!

Posted by Tage1987 on (June 11, 2012, 13:31 GMT)

Left-Arm WTF...lol..that was hilarious

Posted by Adeel9 on (June 11, 2012, 10:08 GMT)

"Left Arm, WTF" lol at that

Posted by Game_Gazer on (June 11, 2012, 6:52 GMT)

LOLzz man !! especially Left-arm WTF & Sharma "exploding messily"...brilliantly funny description of how he would react.

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