The Heavy Ball

This, that and the other. Mostly the other

The week on Twitter

'Just tried to kiss my brother. Got rejected'

Tales of abject heartbreak and more in this week's Twitter round-up

Alex Bowden

Text size: A | A
Mitchell Marsh walks off the field after suffering a hamstring injury, Western Australia v South Australia, Ryobi Cup, Perth, November 17, 2012
Mitchell Marsh: needs to work on his technique © Getty Images
Enlarge

If this week's Twitter round-up has a theme - and it doesn't really - it's that cricketers have really, really, incredibly tough lives. I'm not sure anyone's outdone Rob Key's story from last week in which he lost one iPad and couldn't find his other one, but even so: brace yourselves for some harrowing tales of hardship and woe in 140-characters and fewer.

The trials and tribulations
Kevin Pietersen has a hard life.

"What's the point of serving rock hard butter with bread rolls? #annoying"
@kevinpp24

What would you like them to serve with your rock-hard butter?

The traveller
Scott Styris is taking the positives.

"out of The Big Bash and HRV Cups early has meant 1 good thing.I can do a job I've been putting off. unpacking after the last IPL! #truestory"
@scottbstyris

Just bin everything.

The sledge
Commentator Simon Doull played a round at Pearl Valley Golf Course. The course is on an estate on which one very famous cricket figure has built a home.

"Highlight of the day. Abuse from Boycott on his balcony on 16th. My Mum, brother and I could still bat better than your lot."
@Sdoull

Are you allowed to play just the front nine?

The rejection
Mitchell Marsh is keeping it in the family.

"Just tried to kiss my brother, got rejected. Will keep trying. What just happened."
@mitchmarsh235

Think I know what happened - you tried to kiss your brother.

The limiting factor
Matt Prior has learnt from experience.

"When attempting to build a snowman u are only as good as ur gloves! #learnsomethingneweveryday #frozenfingers"
@MattPrior13

Cricketers don't really know about snow.

The manoeuvre
Essex's Tymal Mills has been experimenting with his car.

"Reversed into a house trying to figure out the auto parking with @ChrisWright1985 and @Kegs10"
@tmills15

Team-mate Graham Napier had sympathy.

"@tmills15 @chriswright1985 @kegs10 houses are quite tricky things to see!!!"
@Graham_Napier

"@tmills15 @chriswright1985 @kegs10 and the parking sensors never seem to pick them up!!!"

The economy
Vernon Philander's getting to grips with house prices.

"Played monopoly and geezzzz you can buy a lot of property with that money. #childhood #easymoney"
@VDP_24

Actually Vernon, what you'll find is that you've invested a certain amount of real-life cash in what is known as a "board game". The various components of that game have little actual value. Instead, the players operate within a fictional economy. If you are unhappy with the values that have been assigned to things within the game, why not spend some time adding zeroes to all the cards and money. In other news, you are not a top hat.

The technique
Damien Fleming has great admiration for how Phil Hughes has expanded his game.

"Remember when Phil Hughes couldn't hit thru leg side Well He's just slogged a six over cow corner 115 not out #AUSvSL"
@bowlologist

Many hours of net practice have resulted in Hughes being able to play "the slog". He's apparently working on "the swish" and "the heave" now.

The abuse
Graeme Swann's ploughing the "Joe Root looks really young" furrow.

"Well done to @joeroot05 for another good knock. Just think, if the snow hadn't closed his school he'd be doing double maths right now"
@Swannyg66

Kemar Roach's punctuation corner
Is Kemar Roach still exclaiming and capitalising?

"14hrs Flight To Dubai! Let's Get This Started!"
@KemarAJR

He seems oddly psyched up about getting to spend 14 hours sitting quietly in a confined space.

What's your philosophy?
Imagine being married to Shaun Pollock. It must be intolerable.

"Sometimes apologizing doesn't mean I'm right or wrong, it just means I Value my relationship more than my ego."
@7polly7

On the other hand, it sounds like Mrs Pollock generally gets her way.

Nando's Watch
It increasingly seems like Alex Hales is the only one still going to what was once the cricketer's favourite food outlet, and even he doesn't always make it.

"Nottingham at a standstill is denying me nandos aaarrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh"
@AlexHales1

The horror.

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Email this page to a friend Email Feedback Feedback Print Print
More in The Heavy Ball
RSS FeedAll
  • Still plenty of ifs for Butt
    Rob Steen: Salman Butt insists players should refrain from "wrongdoing" but that shouldn't gain him back the trust of those he duped
  • Outside the Grace Gate
    Shot Selection: You think MCC members have it easy when it comes to watching a Test at Lord's? Think again
  • Drowned out by the hype machine
    Sharda Ugra: A lot has gone wrong with the Indian T20 league but as its seventh season begins, everything will be brushed everything aside like nothing is amiss
  • Notes from a Dutch adventure
    Netherlands coach Anton Roux looks back on their incredible wins in the World T20, late-night bonding, and pizza intake
  • Ducks, and a tadpole
    Ask Steven: Also, most World T20 caps, most Test lbws, low-scoring Test wins, and a quartet of tons in an ODI
  • ESPN
  • ESPNF1
  • Scrum
  • Soccernet