'Just tried to kiss my brother. Got rejected'

If this week's Twitter round-up has a theme - and it doesn't really - it's that cricketers have really, really, incredibly tough lives. I'm not sure anyone's outdone Rob Key's story from last week in which he lost one iPad and couldn't find his other one, but even so: brace yourselves for some harrowing tales of hardship and woe in 140-characters and fewer.

The trials and tribulations
Kevin Pietersen has a hard life.

What would you like them to serve with your rock-hard butter?

The traveller
Scott Styris is taking the positives.

Just bin everything.

The sledge
Commentator Simon Doull played a round at Pearl Valley Golf Course. The course is on an estate on which one very famous cricket figure has built a home.

Are you allowed to play just the front nine?

The rejection
Mitchell Marsh is keeping it in the family.

Think I know what happened - you tried to kiss your brother.

The limiting factor
Matt Prior has learnt from experience.

Cricketers don't really know about snow.

The manoeuvre
Essex's Tymal Mills has been experimenting with his car.

Team-mate Graham Napier had sympathy.

The economy
Vernon Philander's getting to grips with house prices.

Actually Vernon, what you'll find is that you've invested a certain amount of real-life cash in what is known as a "board game". The various components of that game have little actual value. Instead, the players operate within a fictional economy. If you are unhappy with the values that have been assigned to things within the game, why not spend some time adding zeroes to all the cards and money. In other news, you are not a top hat.

The technique
Damien Fleming has great admiration for how Phil Hughes has expanded his game.

Many hours of net practice have resulted in Hughes being able to play "the slog". He's apparently working on "the swish" and "the heave" now.

The abuse
Graeme Swann's ploughing the "Joe Root looks really young" furrow.

Kemar Roach's punctuation corner
Is Kemar Roach still exclaiming and capitalising?

He seems oddly psyched up about getting to spend 14 hours sitting quietly in a confined space.

What's your philosophy?
Imagine being married to Shaun Pollock. It must be intolerable.

On the other hand, it sounds like Mrs Pollock generally gets her way.

Nando's Watch
It increasingly seems like Alex Hales is the only one still going to what was once the cricketer's favourite food outlet, and even he doesn't always make it.

The horror.