The Heavy Ball

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The week on Twitter

'No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper'

Dire warnings and more in our Twitter round-up this week

Alex Bowden

Comments: 7 | Text size: A | A
Tino Best gestures after getting Naeem Islam bowled, Bangladesh v West Indies, 2nd Test, Khulna, 4th day, November 24, 2012
"Put that blunderbuss down, scoundrel. It doth not have effect against the likes of me" © Associated Press
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If you want to read about hairdressers, cutlery and Taylor Swift, read on. If you prefer one-word exclamations, skip to the Kemar Roach section further down.

The choke
Mitch Marsh played scissors-paper-stone for a parking space.

"I went scissors, she went rock. Spewing, I always go paper. Bad decision under pressure!"
@mitchmarsh235

The hard rock
Speaking of rock, you imagine that fast bowlers have pretty heavy taste in music. However, Mitch has revealed the truth about Pat Cummins.

"@93Cummins has been on iPod duties all week. 1 day to go and he has just peaked. Taylor Swift. #angryfastbowler"
@mitchmarsh235

Meanwhile, in New Zealand, Stuart Broad is taking it up a notch.

"Lighthouse House family followed by Atomic Kitten playing in the restaurant. This new hotel is a belter!!"
@StuartBroad8

The happy cricketer
Sussex's Will Beer is happy with his lot in life.

"Been at cricket all day and now I am watching cricket on TV at home. I love cricket #cricket"
@willbeer18

Beer and cricket. Always a good combination.

The unhappy cricketer
The Bangladesh Premier League presents a great earning opportunity for lower-profile cricketers like Nottinghamshire's Riki Wessels. Bet they're delighted.

"A month here in Bangladesh and my patience has been pushed to the limit #headpopsoon"
@RikiWessels

Actually, it's only been about three weeks. There's plenty more to look forward to.

The free spirit
Graham Onions isn't constrained by societal norms.

"Just eaten a burger & chips with a knife and fork, @StuartBroad8 would be proud"
@BunnyOnions

The bad trip
Graeme Swann should watch his step.

"There are times in life when you feel on top of the world. Tripping over on your drive whilst putting out the nappy bin is not one of them"
@Swannyg66

The conditional tense
Kraigg Brathwaite has a high opinion of you.

""Believe you would be successful""
@K_Brathwaite

If it weren't for what?

The barnet
You probably assumed that Jade Dernbach cut his own hair.

"Toni and guy new zealand lets see what you can do...."
@Jwd_16

Apparently not. At least now we now know whom to blame.

The individuals
Virender Sehwag's opened the Sehwag International School.

"With SIS, I want to make a difference, a difference to ur life, to your child's life through value-based quality #education @SehwagSchool"
@virendersehwag

How do his team-mates feel about this?

Yuvraj Singh:

"It's impressive to see education & infrastructural facilities at #SIS Hope to see future leaders from the school. Bst of luck @SehwagSchool"
@YUVSTRONG12

Harbhajan Singh:

"It's impressive to see education & infrastructural facilities at #SIS. Hope to see future leaders from the school.Best of luck @SehwagSchool"
@harbhajan_singh

Sreesanth:

"@virendersehwag It's impressive to see education & infrastructural facilities at #SIS. Hope to see future leaders from the school."
@sreesanth36

Umesh Yadav:

"It's impressive to see education & infrastructural facilities at #SIS. Hope to see future leaders from the school. Best of luck@SehwagSchool"
@y_umesh

Zaheer Khan:

"impressive to see education & infrastructural facilities at #SIS. Hope to see future leaders from the school. Best of luck @SehwagSchool"
@ImZaheer

Murali Kartik:

"It's impressive to see education& infrastructural facilities at #SIS. Hope to see future leaders from the school. Best wishes @SehwagSchool"
@kartikmurali

It's moving to see such a genuine outpouring of emotion.

Tino Best's modesty corner
"No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper"
@tinobest

Who's been forming weapons against Tino? Come on, own up. Nobody leaves this room until we find the weapon-former.

Life with Kemar Roach
What's Tino's fellow West Indian fast bowler been up to?

"Perth! #Tired #Jetlagged"
@KemarAJR

"Insomnia!"

"Canberra!"

What's your philosophy?
Hashim Amla knows his metals.

"You can call TIN gold a billion times and it still won't increase its worth."
@amlahash

Noted. What about if you call it silver four billion times?

Nando's Watch
When a cricketer switches clubs, no one thinks about the hardships they have to endure. Lancashire's Simon Kerrigan is worried about Ajmal Shahzad since he moved to Nottinghamshire.

"@AJShahzad how's Nottingham? Got a nandos black card yet? #chickenchest #erghhhhhh"
@Kegs10

In reply, Shahzad suggested he might switch allegiance to Subway. We will monitor this as part of our vital role of keeping you up to speed with county cricketers' eating habits.

RSS FeedAlex Bowden blogs at King Cricket

Tell us what you think. Send us your feedback

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd.

Comments: 7 
Posted by   on (February 8, 2013, 4:24 GMT)

those tweets about Shewag's SIS have made the indian 'twicketers' look like bots.

Posted by   on (February 7, 2013, 18:30 GMT)

A few things. Tin is worth a fortune. Not worth as much as gold - but a damn expensive metal for all that 3x more expensive than copper. I reckon the Indian guys were retweeting. Easily done, but looks careless in this case. Poor Virendar. A retweet and missing out in those ODI's All those wide long hops Dernbach has been chucking down. Right in his favourite slot ball after ball, and he was sat in the dressing room #thankfullyifyoureenglish

Posted by Krade on (February 7, 2013, 14:50 GMT)

Take a bow, Alex Bowden! I agree with AnanthX; this is arguably the best, most hilarious, column on cricinfo!

Posted by tickcric on (February 7, 2013, 12:58 GMT)

Brain Twister (Awareness): Sehwag's team mates tweets given above all appear the same (apparently they are copy paste jobs). However none of them are identical to each other! Can you spot the difference?

Posted by SkylaDark on (February 7, 2013, 11:44 GMT)

Oh, Nandos and Subway might start an all-out war if Shahzad loses his loyalty to Nandos. This might turn into big news...gonna keep an eye on it.

Posted by MaJaffer on (February 7, 2013, 7:23 GMT)

The Sehwag and Tino bit made me laugh until I teared up, folks at the office must think I'm crazy laughing at an Excel sheet.

Posted by AnanthX on (February 7, 2013, 7:22 GMT)

This is a fantastic column. Do carry on with the good work!

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