Alex Bowden

'About last night. Five magnums of Chocolate Block, 35 beers'

'Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional'

'Eating like a pig on the couch tonight'

'She makes me pose for pics when no one is watching'

'My cocoa butter moisturising body oil to the rescue'

'First time I've seen a toilet roll at my dinner table'

'Is it a sight screen or a side screen?'

'Is it a sight screen or a side screen?'

Robert Key, the ruddy-faced southern me

'It's not a hotel room if you can't hear the Backstreet Boys'

'Honoured to be among the great doctors of our time: Who, Zhivago, Dre'

'Hard butter on aeroplanes and in restaurants piss me off!'

'Just rubbed sweaty knees for 15 minutes with randoms'

'Have a blessed day ahead, people'

'If you have to make noises like Chewbacca doing a massive poo...'

'Jeez, there was a lot of bumpats last night'

'Keep spine in one piece'

'I've just bought the greatest pizza cutter ever'

'Cardio tonight!'

'It's nice having a phone that doesn't understand time zones'