'About last night. Five magnums of Chocolate Block, 35 beers'
'About last night. Five magnums of Chocolate Block, 35 beers'

Wine is fine, eyebrows are thinned, and luggage is handled inefficiently in our Twitter round-up

'Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional'
'Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional'

Aphorisms, airplane selfies, pork cutlets - what more do you want from a Twitter round-up?

'Eating like a pig on the couch tonight'
'Eating like a pig on the couch tonight'

Food and wine are smashed in our Twitter round-up

'She makes me pose for pics when no one is watching'
'She makes me pose for pics when no one is watching'

Forced modelling and hideous addictions crowd our Twitter round-up

'My cocoa butter moisturising body oil to the rescue'
'My cocoa butter moisturising body oil to the rescue'

Emollient emergencies, urinal antics and dreadful traffic? Must be our Twitter round-up

'First time I've seen a toilet roll at my dinner table'
'First time I've seen a toilet roll at my dinner table'

Our Twitter round-up this week is hopped up on caffeine, fried chicken and other substances

'Is it a sight screen or a side screen?'
'Is it a sight screen or a side screen?'

Burning questions, walking on water, liquid breakfasts, and more selfies than you can shake a stick at

'Is it a sight screen or a side screen?'
'Is it a sight screen or a side screen?'

Burning questions, walking on water, liquid breakfasts, and more selfies than you can shake a stick at

Robert Key, the ruddy-faced southern me
Robert Key, the ruddy-faced southern me

Always a stand-in, he never really got his due with England - not that he let it bother him too much

'It's not a hotel room if you can't hear the Backstreet Boys'
'It's not a hotel room if you can't hear the Backstreet Boys'

Rock your body right with our Twitter round-up

'Honoured to be among the great doctors of our time: Who, Zhivago, Dre'
'Honoured to be among the great doctors of our time: Who, Zhivago, Dre'

Our Twitter round-up features the usual: rubbish predictions, cod philosophy, and singing along to Starship

'Hard butter on aeroplanes and in restaurants piss me off!'
'Hard butter on aeroplanes and in restaurants piss me off!'

Aren't you just melting at the sight of our Twitter round-up?

'Just rubbed sweaty knees for 15 minutes with randoms'
'Just rubbed sweaty knees for 15 minutes with randoms'

Random acts of weirdness by not-so-random people in our Twitter round-up

'Have a blessed day ahead, people'
'Have a blessed day ahead, people'

Or you could just read our Twitter round-up

'If you have to make noises like Chewbacca doing a massive poo...'
'If you have to make noises like Chewbacca doing a massive poo...'

Then what? The suspense is killing us

'Jeez, there was a lot of bumpats last night'
'Jeez, there was a lot of bumpats last night'

Public posterior-touching, and plenty of dodgy headgear: all in our look at what's going down on Twitter

'Keep spine in one piece'
'Keep spine in one piece'

New Year resolutions and hashtag lessons in our first Twitter round-up of the year

'I've just bought the greatest pizza cutter ever'
'I've just bought the greatest pizza cutter ever'

Wall-to-wall Neesham and much else besides in our look at what the players are tweeting

'Cardio tonight!'
'Cardio tonight!'

The thrilling lives of the stars, laid bare for your delectation

'It's nice having a phone that doesn't understand time zones'
'It's nice having a phone that doesn't understand time zones'

Whining about jet lag, and bigging up the All-Stars