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Flower denies urine culture threatening team
Coach defends players' right to relieve themselves in public
Andrew Fidel Fernando
30-Aug-2013
England team director Andy Flower denied suggestions that a rampant culture of public urination was threatening the fabric of the side after England's cricketers took turns urinating on the Oval pitch following the fifth Ashes Test. The news comes only three weeks after Monty Panesar was arrested for urinating on nightclub bouncers in Brighton, and two months after Australia were forced to contend with suggestions there was something amiss about their own team culture.
"Look, it's no secret that our players like to urinate after a good series," Flower said. "They've earned that right, and as professional sportsmen, it's important that they empty their bladder from time to time. As long as they are not urinating long into the night before a match, I am quite happy with how the boys are relieving themselves."
Members of the English media have also floated the notion that being a Zimbabwean, Flower does not understand the British urination culture, and is incapable of reining in players who indulge in regular tinkle binges.
Full post'Watch my comments on the over rate tonight'
Seductive invitations and more in this week's Twitter round-up
Alex Bowden
29-Aug-2013
You might think that in all the high spirits and general bonhomie that come in the wake of an Ashes victory, we might get some good tweets from England cricketers. You'd be wrong. Turns out people only really use Twitter when they haven't got much going on in their lives.
The boom
Kevin Pietersen's tweet was fairly typical.
Full postKevin Pietersen's tweet was fairly typical.
The Sun tells you everything you need to know about cricket
A handy guide for readers unfamiliar with the game, courtesy Britain's finest tabloid
Alan Tyers
28-Aug-2013
In an eye-catching editorial decision, cricket made a rare appearance on the front page of the Sun newspaper, the UK's biggest selling daily, on Tuesday. Sadly, it wasn't about the 3-0 Ashes win, or only tangentially. The headline was "L.Pee.W" and it introduced the story "England on sticky wicket as cricket aces piddle on The Oval pitch".
Still, cricket cannot be too picky as to how it gets this sort of widespread exposure. If the Sun is thinking of putting cricket at the front of the paper in the future, the following handy guide may be of assistance to readers unfamiliar with the game.
Twenty things you never knew about cricket
Full postIPL players affected by falling rupee
Also, Lehmann takes the rap, England fans emboldened to wear replica t-shirts, and Gayle's decline begins
R Rajkumar
23-Aug-2013
Indian IPL players affected by depreciating rupee
In heartrending scenes straight out of a Steinbeck novel, Indian IPL players affected by the depreciating value of the rupee have been observed eking out severely compromised lives. One cricketer, who now stands to be paid only Rs 15 crore for a few months' work as opposed to 18 crore had the wages been adjusted accordingly, was seen loading the family Bentley with all his possessions and striking out in search of greener pastures.
In heartrending scenes straight out of a Steinbeck novel, Indian IPL players affected by the depreciating value of the rupee have been observed eking out severely compromised lives. One cricketer, who now stands to be paid only Rs 15 crore for a few months' work as opposed to 18 crore had the wages been adjusted accordingly, was seen loading the family Bentley with all his possessions and striking out in search of greener pastures.
"Papa says there's a place where the fruit grows on trees, and that there are so many of them that you can just reach up and pick as many as you like," said the player's child as she wiped her runny nose on the sleeve of a $3000 Gucci fur coat that had clearly seen better days.
Other players similarly affected have spoken of the social stigma they have had to endure after having fallen on hard times. "I've been forced to go around town, looking for work," said one allrounder. "But no hair-transplant specialist will agree to give me any more than has already been done on my ravaged scalp."
Full postThe DRS: my two cents
There hasn't been a DRS controversy at The Oval yet, but why let that stop us from talking about the system?
Alex Bowden
22-Aug-2013
If everyone's hell-bent on ruining cricket through forever discussing the Decision Review System, then by Gower I want a piece of it. If you're going to bring my favourite sport to its knees by repeatedly bringing its predisposition for nitpicking over trifling details to the fore, then at least let me have my say.
The Decision Review System - otherwise known as the DRS system, or "Decision Review System system" - is something that at least appears to polarise opinion. I say "appears" because for the most part people think it's basically okay even if it still results in the occasional incorrect decision.
However, the column inches devoted to its workings might imply there is some sort of ferocious battle taking place between advocates and deniers.
Decisions remaining wrong
There have been a great many questionable decisions arrived at via DRS during this summer's Ashes series. The vast majority of them have involved the on-field decision being upheld. In those situations, the DRS is achieving nothing but isn't having a negative impact beyond irritating people and wasting time. Even then, the people most irritated appear to be Shane Warne and Ian Botham, which surely counts as a positive.
Full postThere have been a great many questionable decisions arrived at via DRS during this summer's Ashes series. The vast majority of them have involved the on-field decision being upheld. In those situations, the DRS is achieving nothing but isn't having a negative impact beyond irritating people and wasting time. Even then, the people most irritated appear to be Shane Warne and Ian Botham, which surely counts as a positive.
Australia: land of cricketing opportunity
Let it not be said that they looked a gift cricketer in the mouth
As leaked to Alan Tyers
19-Aug-2013
Australia Cricket Inc has recently implemented what we're already not really calling the Robson Rule, a law change that allows Australian cricketers with dual passports to play as domestic rather than overseas players, and thus mitigate against them having to declare for another international side. At least one unnamed senior figure in the administration believes that it does not go far enough, as this leaked memo proves.
Right, you blokes. Now this Robson thing's a good start. The sight of the flower of Australian manhood being snatched up by the Poms has been a bloody painful one over the last few years, except when it was the likes of Alan Mullally and young Patto Pattinson's pretty ordinary older brother, I suppose. But now we've got a chance to draw a line in the sand and say "No Mas" - that's Italian for "Get stuffed, Pommies", and doesn't that just go to prove that we're a modern multilingual and multicultural organisation here at Australia Cricket?
No longer will Australia be coming off second-best in the global trolley dash for the best players. We will be a world-class importer of talent as well as continuing to be a world-class exporter of talent - and I'm not just talking about that good-looking blonde girl who used to be on Home and Away and is now taking the film industry by storm. But Melissa George, if you're reading, the fact that you've starred in some movies in Hollywood will in no way affect your chances of getting your old slot back in Summer Bay, becoming our second female prime minister, bowling a bit of seam-up for New South Wales, or just coming round for a few jars and a fool around in the sheep dip at Australia Cricket Inc HQ. Offer stands, no pressure.
Full postEverything you wanted to know about county cricket
A specially formulated FAQ, exclusively for Indian fans
Sidin Vadukut
16-Aug-2013
Indian cricket fans all over the world were overjoyed this week when it was revealed that Gautam Gambhir would be joining English county side Essex Eagles for the remainder of this season's county competitions.
However this development has also left many Indian cricket fans groping in the dark for information and insight about the county cricket system: What is Essex? Are there actually any eagles there? Are there any enthusiastic counties that were allowed to play for one season and then unceremoniously dumped for dubious legal reasons but really just because of racism and jealousy?
No need to worry, my fellow Indian fans. As a long-time resident of the United Kingdom, let me take this opportunity to demystify county cricket for you in the form of a simple, easy-to-use, patronising FAQ that you can cut and keep in your wallet, handbag or man purse.
Full post'Ross Taylor, you have the powerful rear to keep'
Rodney Hogg takes a linguistics course, Damien Martyn spurns rocket science in favour of ballistics, and Moises Henriques fails his barber's exam
Alex Bowden
15-Aug-2013
This week's Twitter round-up is all about studying. Rodney Hogg takes a linguistics course, Damien Martyn spurns rocket science in favour of ballistics, Alastair Cook passes a captaincy test and Moises Henriques fails his barber's exam, while Shaun Pollock turns his nose up at knowledge in general.
The benefit of hindsight
Shane Warne had been enjoying a horror show.
Full postShane Warne had been enjoying a horror show.
Monty's P: sprinkling spinner's 'secret diary' explains all
Mr Panesar talks of nightclub micturition incident
As told to Alan Tyers
12-Aug-2013
Obviously I am disappointed. I tried to keep it in the right areas but at the end of the day I've ended up spraying it everywhere and covering those two bouncers. But I'm not too down about it: I'll be looking to get back into the elite monitoring unit at Loughborough, if I can rustle up the 30p charge, and work on one or two technical things - finding a toilet, not confusing a doorman for a urinal, looking to tweak my action: whip, shake, zip. Whip, shake, zip. There's room for improvement, for sure.
As I say, obviously things could have gone better in Brighton. Trying and failing to take refuge from irate, urine-soaked doormen in a pizza parlour before getting arrested isn't necessarily an ideal end to what had started as a pretty good night, but some of the coverage in the media has been disappointing. But it's like we say in the England set-up: we cannot control what other people are doing, we can only control the things we can control. Other than our bladders in this case, obviously.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by some of the comments from ex-players, though. When someone like a Shane Warne says, "Monty hasn't been on 33 nights out, he's been on the same night out 33 times" then, as I say, that is hurtful. Shane was obviously a great bowler but you expect more from someone who has battled his own demons with diuretics. I thought I actually varied my trajectory and the pace of my stream pretty well on this occasion.
Full postBCCI tries to take the positives
Also, Kohli explains Rasool omission, and Monty blames poor coaching
R Rajkumar
09-Aug-2013
Man intends Warner "punch" pun
Sources have confirmed that as recently as an hour ago, a man was found shamelessly intending a pun that featured the words "Warner" and "punch".
Sources have confirmed that as recently as an hour ago, a man was found shamelessly intending a pun that featured the words "Warner" and "punch".
"Warner must be pleased as punch that he's probably going to be opening the batting for Austalia the rest of the series," said the man to a friend, before needlessly adding, "Get it?" Sources further confirmed that the man could barely contain his delight at what he apparently considered to be a novel play on words.
In what is probably the most dispiriting news of all, it has come to light that the man is a commentator employed by the broadcasters of the ongoing Ashes series.
Full post