The Heavy Ball

We have been following the progress of the London Olympic Games with keen interest and believe there are many useful pointers for cricket.

Firstly the ticketing situation: there have obviously been problems with the corporate elements of this. It's quite clear that some non-corporate minor former stakeholders (what used to be called "sports fans") have snuck into many of the stadiums, taking up valuable seats that could have been left empty just in case key partners such as Deutsche-Lehman-Bastarbank, NucleoSpill Plastics Corp and TransBurger felt like turning up.

The countdown
Lalit Modi was counting down to the Olympic opening ceremony.

I had a car crash recently in Lahore. My friend made fun of me.

My friends are always making fun of me. The team psychologist once told me that's why I bowl fast. The team physiologist said I bowl fast because of fast-twitch muscles . My local holy man told me it was all because of a grand design.

It is confusing being Pakistani. Everyone has an opinion and it is never the same opinion. Forget why I bowl fast - maybe this is why I bowl badly.

Come on, cricket! You can do worse!

Man. It has been a really long time since there has been any cricket worth watch watching on TV or following online. But now that India is back to touring, there is a fresh new breeze blowing through the world of cricket. "Finally," millions of fans are saying to themselves, "we have something to do in the office."

However, the lull in the sport after the IPL has not been without value. In fact, the break in serious, meaningful cricket has helped the sport to take a deep breath, pull itself together, sit down, reach for a cool, long beverage and introspect.

The summary
You only get 140 characters for a tweet, but sometimes that's enough to sum up an entire Test match. Step forward David "Bumble" Lloyd.

Pakistan board not to seek revenues from India series
In return for being considered at all, the PCB has effectively gone on record to state that they are willing to forfeit their share of the revenue from the proposed series against India. But they haven't stopped there. As an added goodwill gesture, the PCB has reportedly also promised the BCCI that Pakistan players will not appeal for lbws during the series. "We're looking at the bigger picture here," said a spokesman for the PCB philosophically. "What money and lbws we lose out on during the India tour is only short term, and both should be recouped if and when Bangladesh decide to visit us."

India v Sri Lanka greater than England v South Africa
Forget the hype of England v South Africa. Discerning cricket fans willing to be honest with themselves will have no trouble admitting that it is the India v Sri Lanka series that offers the more significant contest out there right now. The two sides have played each other so much in recent times that watching them play has become an act of perversity, so much so that for cricket fans it is the only real challenge left remaining. Besides, what could be more interesting than watching two teams sick to death of each other attempt to rise above their ennui and boldly go where far too many men have already gone before? India v Sri Lanka is the only series that could justifiably claim to make sadomasochists of us all. As progressive fans of the modern game, we should all welcome the challenge instead of bemoaning it.

Indian archers to go full-Ganguly
Indian archers at the Olympics have threatened to take their shirts off at Lord's and wave them around their heads should they win a medal at the games, in homage to Sourav Ganguly's semi-nude heroics after that famous win against England at the same venue. Ganguly's scrawny, bird-like chest has over the years come to be the definitive image of the new spirit of aggression and competitiveness in Indian sport. Which is probably all you need to know about why Indian athletes struggle to win medals at the Games.

1.36 Amount in centimetres that Hashim Amla's beard grew during his innings.

0.00 Amount in centimetres that thing on Jacques Kallis' head grew during his innings.

895* Number of runs Amla would have made if Smith hadn't made an uncharacteristically positive declaration.

The exception
As an Englishman, I have never once liked an Australian fast bowler for even a fraction of a second.

Do batsmen with more time at the crease live longer?
It sounds like something straight out of Freakonomics but it's true: research into whether some batsmen in fact age slower due to the amount of "extra time" they appear to have when facing a ball is being conducted by scientists at the University of Western Australia. The focus on the experiment is none other than Sachin Tendulkar, who, experts explain, is the best available subject due to the sheer amount of time he has spent over the years enjoying the extra time at the crease that he makes for himself.

Scientists concede that while there have been all manner of experiments done already to try and unlock the secrets of immortality, none have been as persuasive or exciting as this one. "The evidence is right there before us," said one researcher. "I mean, just look at Sachin's skin! And don't even get me started on that hair..."

Brett Lee announces retirement; music fans apprehensive
Brett Lee's shock retirement from all forms of the game has left many people in the lurch, but perhaps none more so than music fans, who now fear that Lee might return his attentions to what he has, in the past, called singing.