'You need to feel bad when you don't get picked'
The Delhi opener talks about making his peace with not being selected for India despite an exemplary last season
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I'm sticking to that formula. Each time you go in to bat, you want to play for the country. But after I got dropped I wanted to make a double-century every time I went out to bat, which didn't happen and won't happen either. But when you are doing well, like I have been in the last couple of seasons, then you build a lot of pressure on yourself where you think, 'Okay, fine, now I've scored runs and now I'm so close to getting back to the team.' That can probably get you in the same rut again. But I realised the reason I play this game is I enjoy it and beyond that it's not in my hands and I've made peace with that. Yes, I would be lying if I say that I don't feel disappointed when I don't get picked, because if you score runs you want to get picked, and if you don't get picked it's human to feel bad. It is probably important to feel bad, because you are playing for some purpose - you are not just turning up and not hoping to achieve anything bigger.
I wanted to take a break. Last season was a nine-month long, rigorous one, so I took a break, which was a first, when I didn't touch the bat for three weeks. I didn't play but I was doing my training and gym. I thought that was necessary so I could come back recharged, refreshed, with my desire back again.
The book is one thing that has taken my mind away from the game for a while in a very good sense - it has given me time to reflect on what I did last year. When you go through the chapters you know where you were wrong, what things you did right, and how it worked, and how you felt at that point. It gives you perspective because you tend to forget a lot of things and remember what you want to remember, but when it is documented it refreshes the memory. It gave me something to do.
During the IPL [Tatenda] Taibu told me that whenever you don't do well there are three check-boxes to tick. One, are you hitting enough balls in the net or are you working hard enough ? Two, is there a fear of failure? And three, is everything fine in your personal life? If you are not doing well, invariably one of these boxes is not ticked. If you are not content in your personal life, it is very difficult to play naturally. So I took care of that this off-season by spending a lot of time with my family. Watched a lot of movies, did a lot of stuff I wanted to do, spent time with friends. At times playing sport day-in-day-out adds nothing but pressure and boredom creeps in and it becomes monotonous.
It doesn't really matter to anyone in the world except for yourself and your family whether you play for India or not, or if you ever play for India again. Cricket will go on. I'm not blaming anyone, because no one should care | |||
I've evolved as a player. In my batting I've worked hard. When I played for India I played in a certain manner, which was right at that point of time. Couple of seasons after that, I got dropped. I was a confused, confused man. From 2005 to mid-2006 I didn't bat the way I used to bat. I was too preoccupied with getting back into the team, and secondly, I thought the only way to score runs was to go out there and bat the whole day and exercise patience, but it didn't work out. So I got bogged down and I didn't do myself any favours and I didn't make enough runs. Without playing a single rash shot I was getting out, so there must have been something wrong somewhere. Then I decided to loosen up and start enjoying my game. So that brought a change in attitude.
I wouldn't say I was expecting a call every time the team was announced, but when India toured Australia [2007-08] I was near 100% confident that I'd make it, for the simple reason that my name was in the 24 probables. The only other opener was Gautam Gambhir and he got injured. And I had scored nearly 800 runs in the domestic season. A week before the team was announced I'd scored my second double-century of the season, against Himachal Pradesh. So that was very disappointing. I didn't know what more to do. The last time I played for India I was picked on my domestic performances. You can sulk, crib and cry and it will never make a difference to anyone else.
Not one selector has ever spoken to me.
It's probably right. As a player I need to know what more I should do to get picked. I'm not asking why they didn't pick me, and I respect them, but at the same time people need to talk to the player.
Yes, that thought has crossed my mind. It would be really disappointing if that happened. Bigger picture: I've played for India and no one can take that away from me. So I've made my peace with that.
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Viru will always give you a perspective in as few words as possible. You might like it or might not but he has your best interests at heart. For example, when I wasn't picked this time for the Australia series, he said "Aakash, you'll play for India. If myself or Gautam [Gambhir] don't make runs in the next four Tests, your name might come again, but if both of us make runs then your name will not come up." He is black and white always in what he says or does. And you need to take him at face value.
Michael Atherton once told me that at the end of the day you need to remind yourself why you started playing the game. The basic reason was that you actually wanted to play. Any game has to be enjoyed, and as long as you can keep that enjoyment going, you should keep playing. One should always aspire, but not at the cost of enjoying the process of making it to the top.
It does. If you are playing ODI cricket, it does automatically enhance your chances for playing in the longer form. I know playing one-day international cricket for India is probably not going to happen for me. Having said that, I will not agree to the criticism that I'm not an ODI player. In List A games my average is in the mid-40s and my strike-rate is right up there. I scored three run-a-ball centuries for Delhi last season with an average of 332. So it's not that I cannot play ODIs. The difference between me and the people who play in both forms in first-class cricket is not more than seven runs. But that perception remains. If I go out and do a Shaun Marsh and score the maximum number of runs in the next IPL, I'll play for India in ODIs. My performances in the Deodhar Trophy and Ranji one-dayers count for nothing.
Logically there are two people who are opening for the country at this point of time, who are the best at the moment. But the other side of it is that there could be someone who deserves to be playing but is not. I might be wrong, but I don't know. But I think I should be right up there given the number of the runs I've been scoring. Also, I'm made to believe I'm in the loop, since I've been called for national camps. More importantly, I've been knocking loud enough when the opportunity has come. Anyone who has scored three double-centuries a season will play for the country. It was just unfortunate.
Nagraj Gollapudi is an assistant editor at Cricinfo